"Dune Reference?" (P.o.t.D. 4/30/15, no rev)

Fear - the mind killer -
Leads us to ill-thought actions
With later regrets.

"Bemoaning Work" (P.o.t.D. 4/29/15, no rev)

Stocking groceries
Took longer than expected,
Left time constricted.

"Talking About the Weather" (P.o.t.D. 4/28/15, no rev)

A damp chill crept into town, late last night,
Riding forth on the backs of slate grey clouds -
Casting grave portents of much rain, today
To bless the fields and their flowering crowds.

"What the Nose Knows" (P.o.t.D. 4/27/15, rev 4/27/17)

The pungent smell
Of dirt, sweat, and toilet
Tells the poors' tale
Of living on the street,
When, sharing city bus,
Did we happen to meet.

"Ten Year Chip" (P.o.t.D. 4/26/15, no rev)

The brass medallion holds a bit of weight,
Engraved with an "X" for ten sober years -
Some quite happy, and others not so great -
Earned today after much laughter and tears.

"Exhausted" (P.o.t.D. 4/25/15, no rev)

It's one of those days,
When I'm wore out from my job
And writing is tough.

"Threshold" (P.o.t.D. 4/24/15, no rev)

A desire to describe dreams deferred
When writing is now a wrangling of each word -
How then will my hopeless heart be heard?
Be still, my soul, to soar like the black bird...

"Thursday Morn" (P.o.t.D. 4/23/15, rev ???)

I come to, after a long nap, barely listening
To "Henry V" playing on the radio at 5 a.m.

Realizing the game on my phone needs attention,
I putter around there for two and a half hours,
Burning former alliance members, to train more troops.
I don't know when I'll commit to a war.

I go in to my room, to get dressed for the day,
When the end table between the beds collapses,
Startling my new room mate awake.
I take five minutes to reassemble it all from the wreckage.

I make my way to a long-forgotten AA meeting,
Where I'm greeted with hugs and hellos all around.
Ten years ago, I committed to fight this inner war;
And I've reassembled my life from quite a wreckage...
Not on my own power, though,
But with the aid of quite a community,
And powers unforeseen, well outside of my control.

Now, I'm home again,
To eat, do laundry, shower, clean,
And perform various other chores and commitments,
That I may find myself in a better place,
To awaken again, to stirring words and undampened courage.

defeating the purpose?

coffee stirs my mind up,
when it wants to wind down -
now watch my resentments
spin wildly, round and round...

"Global Warming Haiku" (P.o.t.D. 4/22/15, no rev)

Stewing in our filth,
Heat creeps up, slowly, deadly -
Cockroaches rejoice!

"Finding My Boyhood Kindness..." (P.o.t.D. 4/20/15, no rev)

Why does the crawling cockroach scare me so?

The hairs on my skin bristle at the thought
Of that bug touching me with prickly legs!
So I would end its brief life's crawl without
Second thoughts, claiming, "Oh! But it lays eggs!"

As a young boy, I would embrace bugs, frogs,
Snakes, and other non-mammals with such glee!
Did I grow wiser, as I aged, because
Bites and stings can cause pain - that I now see?

Yet I've grown softer now, and show respect
For all the many lives beyond my own.
Show them to the great outdoors, to infect
Some other boy, with new wonders he's shown.

"Pity Party" (P.o.t.D. 4/19/17)

My lonely heart, pining away...
Feelings fester, drive me to say,
"None will come close to me, today..."

"Casting Words" (P.o.t.D. 4/19/17)

What words will you wield,
While wearing ones, once whispered
With such bitter stings?

"Questioning Leisure" (P.o.t.D. 4/19/15, no rev)

Is it time wasted,
To play games, and write these poems,
When those give me joy?

"Pollen sucks." (P.o.t.D. 4/18/15, no rev)

Look! Pretty flowers -
"Ack! Ack! Thbbt..." (They're killing me,
These damn allergens...)

rantin, before midnight....

there's this low level anxiety
just eating away at my sanity

worried the president will trigger a world war
while he gleefullly cuts and slashes
his way through decades of regulations,
some good some out of date
god damn it, though, i think
they all want to reinvent the wheel
under some guise of one moral code?

i want environmental regulations,
yet i'm indifferent to sex conduct
and i hate to watch education
being sold to the cheapest dollar

i know not about finances
or immigrants despised
or little old ladies
losing money to live their lives

well, i know what internet memes
shout at every corner of the web,
all the fester, when not tied to... facts?

i despair, i lose hope,
i wallow in misery
because i can not see
how i can change the world:
does a phone call, or a march,
have any real impact -
do i have the energy to join in,
or is it just protesting too much?

so, there's that -
frustrations abound your government..
not mine! I voted for the Democrats.
...and i'm sure there's those out there
who would strip me five ways to Sunday
for playing in to the two-party system.

bringing it back to my hula hoop -
i want to be loved, cherished, and respected...?

i want to spend my evenings with friends,
telling about our days' adventures...

I want to date an elegant lady,
who doesn't write me off, for living in poverty...

I want to weigh 180..160..140..?
whatever weight eliminates this belly...

yet again, i feel imprisoned
by my present -
afraid to flirt,
because I don't want to harass;
yet feeling I will be overlooked,
never approached,
because i'm trying wo live outside the old mold
"a common refrain, going back to the 80's"

i can see it now,
being chastised and chided,
by some of my closest friends:
"Why don't you take the initiative?"
...and as I sink into a deep, dark oubliette,
my parting thought is still,
"No lady will reach out, directly,
Because they're fighting polite society..."

Oh, and because i'm fat,
And rather insane, more days than not,
And old and poor
and beating up on myself
for all the unattractive qualities
i'm weighing myself down with...

i'm this geek,
who was pushed into the stoner circle,
because he cut off a cop at a light
after deinking a 6-pack in 30 minutes...
I often think that my drinking and drugging arc
was cut short, way before I thought it was a problem

...and i'm a geek..
i like to play D&D and Euro games,
I enjoy reading in the sciences
and using public media
and i seem to miss the cues
that make conversation so effortless for y'all.

i'm told i don't need to base my happiness
on other people's opinions,
and i twist that up in my mind,
thinking I've just been told to be a hermit
(...and i wonder why friends and family never call...)
[perhaps because i'm lost in my electronics]

"Separation Anxiety..?" (P.o.t.D. 4/17/15, no rev)

Seasons roll on, in this cycle of life.
Despite our clinging to those brief moments,
The Reaper will swing wide his razor scythe
And separate us from our sharp torments.

"Personal ad?" (P.o.t.D. 4/13/15, no rev)

Seeking some good words
To entertain all my friends
In my daily poems.

"'Alone!', he wails..." (P.o.t.D. 4/13/08, rev 6/24/17)

Restrain tongue and pen, in work and in play --
Emotions checked, yet lusty obsessions
Simmer, seeking to have their ugly say.
Public, private perspectives, perceptions
Entwined, interwoven, in tangled skein.
Confusing courage with cries of caution,
Tangled I am found, again and again -
I am lost in deontic ties that bind.
Now... do I cross antiquated fences,
Gaining insight, facing fears, in my mind?

Before, I would "sit in solemn silence",
Overcome my feelings, yet... highstrung... tense -
Untold wreckage building upon my soul,
Never once did I feel complete and whole.
Dwelling in a pure ivory tower,
And discontent... alone... each midnight hour.
Reason only took me farther - too far -
Inside self, loves buried in aching heart,
Encamped, enclosed, entrapped, entombed "in a
Steel cage" - a lean role sans sensual sin.

Inhibitions: respect? ... or overcome?
Note, then, the true fears from among the sum.

Look... Listen... Love... and the world unfolds!
Infinite nuances will be revealed,
From which billions of stories can be told -
Experiences that can truly heal.

Everyone has a story to tell;
Stories so deep, they cause my heart to swell!
Pensive, I will miss their insights around
Even though, like armies, do they surround.
Circled by artisans, artists, arsons;
Igniting passions, felt by all senses.
Around my prison of independence
Lay self-centered lies from self-sufficience;
Leading me to forget growth from "my mind,
Your mind, learning when we are intertwined".

Ignoring others, I find I become
Narcistic, pessimistic... my thoughts, numb.

Life is too short to live in a ship's hold;
Overcome, I must, these imagined seals!
Voyeuer, no more - engage others, be bold -
Enrich my life, sharing others' ordeals!

"International TableTop Day" (P.o.t.D. 4/11/15, no rev)

Ah! To play today
Many games of luck and skill -
The planet plans it!

"Testing Dilemna" (P.o.t.D. 4/10/15, no rev)

Teachers face testing
That drains their students of hope -
What else is out there?

untitled (P.o.t.D.4/8/15, no rev)

Roses are in bloom -
Blushing pink and scarlet reds
To wilt away soon.

untitled (P.o.t.D. 4/7/15, no rev)

Memories laid bare
As I wrestle with the words,
Trying to write poems.

"Seeking the Sweetness" (P.o.t.D. 4/6/15, no rev)

Peeling the hours away from this sweet day
To get to the juicy fruit of a dream -
Not remembered, drinking at the cafe,
A draught of coffee, with sugar and cream.

"Can you spare a liver?" (P.o.t.D. 4/5/17)

I would love to share
My life with the world! Organ
Donations, perhaps?

"To Cleanse.." (P.o.t.D. 4/5/15, rev ???)

Step into shower
Where warm water washes 'way
Worries of the day.

"Haikus to explain?" (P.o.t.D. 4/4/17)

As I dredge eight years
Of my Facebook feed, pulling
Poems poignant? Or Pouts?

Like pulling my teeth,
As I scramble with my time...
Left half-finished moons:

The delicate rib,
Or bowl upon horizon,
Or midnight madness...

Leaves left, ink long dry -
Beg for edits, telling why
So sad...? So depressed...?

No wine, let me whine,
Upon my shoddy sorrows,
I force you to dine!

I don't want to be
Trite, and yet, depression
Seems like all I write!!

Spring is upon us -
The plants are blooming flowers,
Leaves noses' sorrows..

"Worried over water" (P.o.t.D. 4/4/15, no rev)

'Tis but a fine mist,
Yet they predict drenching rain -
Stay inside, stay dry.

"Write-offs" (P.o.t.D. 4/1/15, no rev)

Sandwiches, brownies -
Surviving on last night's trash...
Still, thankful for them...

"March" (P.o.t.D. 3/29/15, no rev)

A thousand pin pricks
All 'cross my skin, from the cold
Bites of March morning.

"Past Presents" (P.o.t.D. 3/26/17)

I'm riding this wave
Of poems penned two years ago -
Yet silence, today...

"Technical Evolution" (P.o.t.D. 3/26/15, no rev)

There was a time...
Before calculating devices,
When stories around fires reigned.

There is a time...
Men and tools are so tied together,
Struggles 'gainst this stream are vain.

There will be a time...
When computers become self-aware,
No longer needing these men.

"Over the Rainbow" (P.o.t.D. 3/25/15, rev ???)

Red -
For the blood, sweat and tears sacrificed,
Fighting the dark demons in those first days...

Orange -
Color that my blood turned
After a decade of Austin decadence,
Masquerading as an attempt at a degree...

Yellow -
Glad to be pissing clean and clear,
Despite severe damage done in that one year,
With much less toxins for organs to fear...

Green -
Always striving for more green,
I'm surprised it's not abundant
With far fewer drains that I've seen...

Blue -
Saddened, after another decade;
Because goals go unrealized,
And life still feels like a struggle...

Indigo -
I don't know?

Violet -
Feeling like royalty,
For that second decade
Still had unexpected promises fulfilled.

"Dawn" (P.o.t.D. 3/23/17)

The sun rises,
To chase dawn's chill.
Grey clouds roll by.

"Fueled by Frustrations, Suicide Sinks In"

I imagine myself twisting up my bed shifts into a make-shift rope, tying them to the guardrail on the Jones Road bridge, and hanging myself over the creek.

Other days, I feel this urge to jump in fount of the cars speeding down Manchaca Road.

Or... do I poison myself by taking all of the prescriptions simultaneously. What is it like to die on a month's worth of Lithium?

There's even a thought to go to the gun shop, ten minutes away, and buy a gun.

So far, that's the extent of the ideations.

They're not constant, but they're recurring. I suspect they're fueled by frustration and failures. The first time that I attempted suicide, it was not a cry for attention; I wanted to find oblivion, to be done with this circus, to make room for those who seem to be succeeding...

I hate the places my brain can take me.

I hate the expectations that our society imposes on me.

On second sight, I would seriously consider escaping by running away to a monastery (with or without notice, depending on my mood) - all the above suicides seem to have a bit of pain and suffering involved in them.

So, yes, I'm a bit frustrated right now. When I look at the outsides, though, I'm actually not bad off. Yet, like some crazed addict, I want more... more money, more toys, more games, more food, more sex, more attention.

Yet, hearing myself talk, these last couple of days, I'm not too sure that I'm very pleasant to be around. Will you still love me, when I stink?

Sooo... that's me, reaching out in a third/fourth Facebook thread. I'll probably call somebody in the next couple of hours, because I strongly suspect that no one will call me.
(maybe this is all the result of too much caffeine? )

"Couplet on Defeat" (P.o.t.D. 3/22/17)

neglected. abandoned. wasting away...
why do I keep trudging, day after day?

"Whispers" (P.o.t.D. 3/22/15, no rev)

Secrets lay unsaid,
Hidden under many words
Given so freely.

"Light Up My Life!" (P.o.t.D. 3/21/15, no rev)

My neighbor's flowers
Are little sunbursts, alive
With rays and colors!

"Carpenter at Work..?" (P.o.t.D. 3/18/15, no rev)

Pondering our lives:
Hardness, surface, depth, and grain
Like some woods we stain.

"Jody's Limerick" (P.o.t.D., 3/17/15, rev 4/5/17)

Arrived early at the movie site,
Without getting a quick breakfast bite...
Stayed busy through the day,
Yet options I did weigh,
I ended up playing at Game Night.

"On the Court" (P.o.t.D. 3/16/15, no rev)

With a wink and a gracious bow,
The lad offered his hand to the girl,
To take her onto the dance floor
Where they'd go round and round in a whirl.

By the fourth dance, she was laughing
As they tried to move in East Coast Swing,
Even though he had no lessons...
What's absurd? He also thought he'd sing.

She gave him points, though, for trying;
So, he offered his hand to the girl,
As he pulled out a diamond ring -
From there, 'tis a secret, what unfurled...

"Failing..." P.o.t.D. 3/14/15 (pi day!), rev ???"

Right now, this moment, I find myself asking, "Why?
Why did my well of wonderful words run dry?"
Probably running around too much, running myself ragged -
So, it becomes a chore of Epimetheus, pulling thoughts jagged...

Fail:
I'm Unsure of the Greek boulder-pushing guy,
And I'm Forcing the second rhyme.
I'm not even checking syllable counts,
Let alone, their stress patterns.

Stressed indeed -
A full plate before me,
Yet so little money
To get feed?

Fail again?
Beating ourselves up over stuff contrite,
Leads to mental blocks when we try to write -
Still, we win?

I see an insanely busy week ahead...
Maybe I could write much much more,
Yet I must also find my way to my bed.

"Words With W" (P.o.t.D. 3/13/15, no rev)

We wield this whip,
To work, work, work -
For what money
Or career perk?

"Cats'... Bird... March... May... Start?" (P.o.t.D. 3/10/15, no rev)

Today's poem will be a string of words:

Cats chasing errant little birds...

Posts and tweets galore
Spewing from Austin's floor -
Music and film and computer madness
Leads to citizens feeling badness...

March is upon us, with rain and cold
And so many events, good as gold -
Rodeo, basketball, and fest
Makes me feel this month is best...

Well... May is quite awesome, too,
With the academic events,
Like the state one-act-plays,
And the end of college days.

All that started from cats,
What, then, would be sparked from dogs?
Or, if you're more esoteric wizards,
You could play with goldfish or lizards!

Ready..?
3..2..1.. Write!

"Accumulate" (P.o.t.D. 3/9/15)

It rains upon me:
Water falling, tasks undone -
Both pool into floods.

"Time ticks by..." (P.o.t.D. 3/8/15)

Time ticks by...

Happy - lying beside my love,
Watching minutes weave and wander
Through their periodic patterns -
Palindromic time: 10:01, 12:21, 1:41;
Repetitive time: 10:10, 12:12, 1:11 -
And on and on, they cycle through...

Time ticks by...

I study mathematics,
She studies Roman classics -
Was this love bound to happen?
...or is it "Fated to Fail"?
Then, as sweaty summer ends,
So ends our brief relation.

Time ticks by...

The sun rises later today,
As we add an hour, in our way.
"Spring Forward" will cause missed meetings,
And confusion from clock readings...
Of course, a host of Facebook posts
Bemoan our time loss, through their roasts.

Time ticks by...

We are but one week away
From the century's Pi Day -
So much fuss now being made
Over time just so arrayed...
Seems so faked, so I ask "Why
We write numbers 'cross the sky?"

"It rained..." (P.o.t.D. 3/5/17)

It rained...

It rained tears of angels,
Crying at how we live our lives.

It rained sweat of many birds
Tring to fly away,
And escape narrowly with their lives.

It rained a nasty potluck of chemicals
Pumped without conscience, into our skies -
Slowly eating away at beauty outside,
And leaving a few afraid to live healthy lives.

I tell you, "It rained...",
And most of us
Skipped along, blind to the pain.

"Sing a New Song" (P.o.t.D. 3/5/15, no rev)

It's a tough challenge
Writing a new poem, each day -
Think before I say...

"Delusions" (P.o.t.D. 3/4/15, no rev)

Bubbling up from within my core,
Thoughts bounce around my head, in war.

From where do I draw my life's power,
When crisis looms upon the hour?

Is it through talking with my friends
Upon which "Solution" depends?

...Or praying to something above,
Source of unconditional love?

Maybe following set of rules
Is key for my base kit of tools...

Then, while walking back to my home,
Thoughts of undead did slyly come.

Am I a vampire, like disease,
Drawing life out, with fatal bites?

Or maybe a lich, living through
Arcane studies, learned in dark nights?

Could I be some sort of foul ghoul,
Feasting on flesh, in carnal rites?

'Tis not literal life effects,
But treats others as "things we fight"...

Then, the whisper comes, in my mind,
On the solitary night walk -
"How'd I survive, sixteen years past?
Am I embedded in matrix,
Or implanted with small machines?"
...So my mind wanders, in weird ways...

"Haiku on Frustration" (P.o.t.D. 3/1/15, no rev)

My mind disconnects
From hunger and lack of sleep,
Making poems so hard.

"thinking about SXSW" (P.o.t.D. 2/28/17)

As spring approaches,
There are scurrying roaches
Sipping on mochas...

"Physical Therapy" (P.o.t.D. 2/27/15, no rev)

It is amazing:
A few stretches... a massage...
And I sit sans pain.

"Distracted: A Villanelle" (P.o.t.D. 2/25/15, no rev)

Too much interferes with my sight,
Pastimes by which my life is based
Leave me alone, that I might write.

Fox news is flooded by the Right,
Leaving in my mind, a bad taste;
Too much interferes with my sight.

Playing board games, many a night -
Some chide me, calling this a waste.
Leave me alone, that I might write.

Tugs 'tween work and play are my fight;
My mind, in pleasures, is encased.
Too much interferes with my sight.

That I could scribble through the night,
Awake, to books, when my mind raced.
Leave me alone, that I might write.

In poverty, do I, "Dude, abide!"
My debt, I wish would be erased -
Too much interferes with my sight.
Leave me alone, that I might write.

"Matrix Mash-up?" (P.o.t.D. 2/24/16 rev ???)

As I watch the map
Twirl and Swirl
Behind the forecaster,

A memory becomes dislodged
From decade distant days
Spent in hospitals of state:

"How much sunlight will we see?"
Like it's metered out for me,
And there's not enough energy

To fuel my madness,
To keep up the charade...
A la "The Truman Show"...

Are they trying to intrude
In my chaotic little world,
Spinning 24/7, with threads unfurled?

I wonder what is real,
What is fancy,
What lies behind the scene?

Sometimes, the surreal
Becomes so, so real,
That my mind does reel

And I find myself asking,
As events become taxing,
"Did I ever come out of the coma?"

"Emotional Roller-coaster" (P.o.t.D. 2/22/17)

Picking at my poems,
Hoping to find happiness:
In dismay, I rage...

"Winter in Texas" (P.o.t.D. 2/22/15)

Winter falls upon
Our fair city of Austin,
Some trees' leaves are gone.

Sleep has become my career's Achilles Heel...?
If I'm not getting enough, then my mind rebels...

"Prelude to Rest" (orig 2/21/15, rev 3/29/17)

What is wrong with me?
What is wrong with the world?
How come there's such a disconnect?

Maybe a good rest will give my mind a cleansing...

...I'm going to take a nap now...

There's this bit of me that just wants to bare my soul, and be cleansed of my transgressions. Thankfully, I don't naively trust Facebook enough to do that here.
Now, if the right friends called, I might share with them?

"Auto-correct poem" (P.o.t.D. 2/18/17)

Shall I compare thee to this winter night?
I'm so happy to see my son on the bus to my house
I'm so single I can't believe how happy this Sunday was
I'm not going on a Saturday night but I'm not going on Facebook
I'm not going on Facebook
I'm so single
I'm not sure how I am but I'm still interested and there are a few things that I've been looking at and I am interested
I'm so single I can't believe how I am so single
The only way you could have been able would be a better app