Looked over the Christmas cards at Walgreen's, and only a couple jumped out as Jody-caliber... Maybe...
I'm going to go downtown on Monday, if Emerald's is still around, to see if they (or maybe Whole Foods) have any cards that can give me a good belly laugh.
Yes, I really do spend hours searching for Christmas cards

Unfinished typing.
by me, just now...
Anything gained, through meta-writing?
A clock ticks the seconds off, one by one,
And as the immersion takes hold,
The minutes melt away into
So many background sounds,
Destined for some deep abyss
Of half-perceived dream of a memory...
Standing on the platform -
Typing on the laptop -
Taking a sleepless plunge -
Typing away on a keyboard
Makes it easy...
What plunge is this, then?
Where will I go, and
What shall I do, now?
Alas, there's the rub.
No inspirations rise to meet me,
No grand images unseat me and
No destination appears to greet me.
I am left to wander, aimless -
A shadow and a ghost,
Chained to my bed by
Shackles of poverty.
So, shackles?
How do I unlock thee?
Perhaps, a bit of practice
At frugality and
Career pursuing.

Easy way to reset: delete Facebook account, and start from ground zero.
Unfortunately, this method may lead to "throwing babies out with the bath water", as I think there may be some gems, even originally created gems hiding in the notes and news feed.
So, I find myself contemplating setting limits instead - no more than one post and one share per day..? Instead of flying by the seat of my pants, I might actually think before I write...

I was 5 seconds away from leaving, when I got asked to run the timer.
However, my mind was still so dog-piled by holiday resentments that I couldn't come up with a good share on the topic of "morning meditation and planning"...

I'm hungry and lonely, and that's getting me angry and tired.
I'm hoping a visit with my friend will help turn this Thanksgiving around...
...missed work potluck - not registered as Operation Turkey volunteer - overslept through house dinner - unaware of other friend's dinner - Black Friday taking Thanksgiving hostage....

10 facts about Mr. Bean

Kelly Aguirre gave me 10, Heather Watson suggested 8, and I'm still waiting on Emily Jane's number...
I'm lazy, and will just suggest that you try to come up with 9 facts about you. Then tag me if you'd like for me to see those facts; as it's sooo much easier to find posts with my name on them.
I checked the archives; and I've done a similar exercise in the past in my notes; I think it's titled "25 semi-random facts about me". It's a bit on the long side. So, I now give you "10 sentences about Jody Bean":
1) I graduated Salutatorian in a high school class of 117 or so; and my speech was well received.
2) It took me 14 years to complete a bachelor's degree in mathematics; as Austin is full of distractions.
3) I enjoy acting and singing, both as a creator and as a spectator...
4) I have been hospitalized 4 times, as a direct result of bipolar flare-ups, since 1996.
5) As a teenager, I was fairly active in the Catholic church; but, these days, I feel much more interested by Zen Buddhism and Taoism.
6) Since 1986, I have had at least 20 jobs; with my longest and most enjoyable job being a math tutor for 7 years
7) On the Myers-Briggs personality test, I usually am classified as an INTP, and I quite agree with the accompanying description, 'the architect of ideas'
8) Some times, I just like to do Tarot readings, as some of the interpretations can get past my left-brain, linear, logical thinking.
9) I'm quite a games enthusiast; whether it's cards, board games, RPG's, computer games...
10) Living in the French House student housing cooperative from 1992-1996 was one of the best life experiences I've had.

If I don't feel welcome, then why would I want to stay?
So, I showed up, I helped set up, I sat in an eerie cone of silence for 15 minutes...
...and I got overcome by the mental "Fuck it!"'s and I decided it would be best to leave.
Maybe Monday will be better...

Contemplating archie style

write. Write! WRITE!!!

is that a worthwhile way to begin this? I don't know...

do i bother with formatting, grammar, punctuation, and all that -
...or do i play with archie mode, not using the shift key because i can't jump on two keys simultaneously...

sad that few out there know who archie is

still trying to wrap my head around a theme, and i'll probably follow this post with a second post along that theme... thinking about it, i can still single-key '.,-=[]/`

i remember though that archie tended to avoid any punctuation creating one continuous stream rambling about mehitabel and her alter life as cleopatra

although i also remember short lines of text
hinting at the allowed use of the return key

ponder ponder ponder
do i run with it
minimal punctuation, no capitalization, and almost poetic line formatting

still... we can dress the words up in fancy rules
but can we create content that's more than just random drools

all this leads me to a theme wrapper for some posts
that i have already labeled as archie mode
so do i add this to my collection of themes
like the sssu posts or the movie monday or tune tuesday posts...

"Bug-brain" (P.o.t.D. 8/8/13)

engage archie mode
working title unknown at this beginning

although i play at being a cockroach
i am but a human
it could be possible that
for some incarnation
in the distant past
i was walking on this earth
with six legs
and no brain

who am i to say
that bugs have no brains

for a spider can weave wild webs
with interesting defects
when under the influence of this or that

an ant may be part of a larger colony
whose individual actions seem random
and yet the collective actions of the colony
benefit most of the ants

hyper intelligent cockroaches
take over the world
in the far future
for the earth is so scorched
by us meager men now

so we are but humans
imperfect and flawed
and not always looking out
for the welfare of all
especially when chasing
our wanton wants

could the problem be
that god gave us brains
but he left us to learn foresight

Conflicting goals... (life/work plans)

"...what is really important...?"

To predict..? To create..? To interpret..? To model..?

What was the appeal underlying studying math? Why do I enjoy science? ...and yet, there's an artist inside of me who wants to write, draw, act, and make music; because I'm drawn to the fantastical, too - and sometimes, art does NOT imitate reality.

I was thinking about this (a touch) when I revived my case at DARS. I would love to write, or at least, I've enjoyed some of the writing I've done in the past. Perhaps one career path is to become a textbook writer, or a popular science writer. Then again, it could be interesting to critique food and entertainment. Heck - who's to say I can't do both...

I have a voice. I want to shout from the mountaintops, and whisper in the valleys, that I may be a channel for my and others' meager understanding(s) of this great big universe. That, I think, is the appeal of teaching; and yet I detest having to constrict myself to a set of standards like the TEKS.

Note to the reader: This is a first draft, and may not be grammatically correct, or even well-organized; as I'm writing on the fly and partially streaming my conscious thoughts. A weakness and a strength, perhaps?

So, I have enjoyed tutoring immensely, although I don't think tutoring or teaching are high-profit fields, monetarily. I did not enjoy admin/clerical work, thus far, as it seemed to be so much rote document production without creative outlets. I liked writing for the Wylie News, and I've liked writing on topics that interest me... however, still not sure how to impose the discipline to even become 1/100th as successful as Asimov or Bradbury.

I wonder who might have ideas about a career in writing and/or teaching? I'll tag my first suspects...

(ThSSU - 7/25/13)

ThSSU:

A bird flitters in between trees, a little electronic spark aided by seratonin, traveling. Is a thought a crow that rests inside one's skull, parroting "Nevermore!" and trying to deceive you, gentle reader? Let it walk a minute in the fields of your awareness, but remember to let that idea fly away and pass into the past. Gain what you can from it, while it roosts between your shoulders, but do not hold onto it

hoping to squeeze water from the rocks (or rocs)
big bird gains more power as our feeble attempts to grapple with it,
clawing evermore

Yes, Let Go and Let God. Let it Pass. Do not Force that which easily Flies,
for the flutter of the wings alight from one point to the next, picking up a little more moss as new connections are made, as the pebble sits in the stream of life, sometimes carried by a torrent, and other times, left alone and unmoved by the babbling brooks.

And now I ask? Is the idea... an idea... an animal... a piece of the earth... a play on imagery and personifications, possibly muddled by the surreal streaming mode? Try to be aware of each idea, as it bubbles up in your brain, but also let it sink back into the network of the universe. If it really needs to be reconsidered, it will resurface when the time calls for it. So, let your idea fly free, knowing that it has a nest in your memory where it sings quietly in the night...

Reflecting on Past / Thinking about next 5 years...

When I came to Austin, to attend university, I had the major dilemma - as in, "What's my major going to be?"

Some of the ideas I tossed around:
- attending seminary, to become a priest,
- studying journalism, to continue my forays in that field
- acting, because I had done a bit of that too
- engineering, to better apply my scientific expertise (specifically chemical engineering)

What happened was that I started school as a double major in math and physics. I think I added math to meet the requirements of an Air Force ROTC scholarship, as I was more interested in science than in math...

However, after one year of school where I had a great calculus teacher and yet a poor electro-magnetics teacher, I changed to being just a math student. My later experiences with tutoring led me to consider a teaching certificate, too.

However, I was still actively engaged with the sciences, and some acting on the side, and more non-class activities. I think that because I didn't stay focused on math, I got off track, and took much longer than normal...

----------------------------------------------

So, what DO I want to do with the next five years of my life?

Part of me feels a creativity void, causing me to crave making art. Whether that be drama, or writing, or graphic arts, or a mix - I'm not sure. However, looking for a creative outlet has motivated prior career searches, and yet..? Those led to admin/clerical jobs which didn't have much deviation from "filling out forms" or other mundane work.

I'd consider teaching and/or tutoring, too. I've been trying to get tutoring rolling, but there hasn't been a lot of online student leads generated from the web site I'm trying, so I probably have to rethink how I'm marketing myself. I could probably substitute teach, although I'm not sure about summer hours. Getting a certificate requires some extra education, and that, in turn, requires extra money -difficult when my student loans have gone into default.

I'm not thrilled with the wide world of retail. Honestly, I don't want to try to sell you on the linear consumer economy, where we're making stuff just to throw it away in a year or two. :(

I'm curious how to connect with food, a la grocers and restaurants...

Getting sleepy. Going to bed. Be back at it in 5 hours... Ciao!

"Technology and I"

I'm hesitant to write,
And yet, I'd rather write,
Perhaps to "right"...

I was a teenager as PC's stormed our households, and I was in my 20's as Usenet blossomed.. The web was born.. And in my 30's, blogging and social networks exploded onto the digital scene.

So, in some ways, I am a pioneer who rode the digital wave and saw society transform. No, I did not have a computer in my crib, like today's youth... So I can yearn for old-fashioned live interactions, and that can make me squirrelly.

I may not be as savvy as some techies today, able to network your office in a night. Yet, I've interacted with BBS's, Usenet, HTML, blogs, Facebook, and more over the years... These interactions have carried me through some tough times.

It's really easy for me to get raw and uncut, to treat these forums as a public diary, to just "try to be real". It's easy for me to "punch a computer", when frustrated, as I don't normally see that spill back into my real life.

However, I need to remember there are people on the other side of the screen, some of whom are true friends in real life. And I must remember my time at Cingular Wireless, when I had to weather the irate abusive customers on the other end of customer service.

So, even though the filter may be weak, and it may be easy to "punch the computer", or "flame on"... Others will take note, and others will be affected.

More dangerous, still, is that this may still build up as an acceptable practice in my mind... And then what's to prevent me from carrying such outbursts into real life, and "railing at the crowds"..?

Also... I write about outbursts, rages, and such; yet I don't think that's the only way I interact here. It may be the one noticed more, though...

I wonder if people treat me poorly, because they don't think I'll try to retaliate..

_____________

Also, I wonder if people exclude me because they find it hard to relate with me..

_____________

Also, also.. I wonder if AA's an appropriate use of my time. I really dislike the general negativity that seems to be prevalent there...

_______________

Just generally discontent, I am. Bleh.

I'm really angry right now..
..at cap metro for yet another unexpected route change,
..at myself for not staying informed and aware, at just jumping to conclusions and winding up on the wrong bus,
..at south by southwest for such short notice on a volunteer training which I don't think will last more than 15 minutes...
Just want to let out a big old scream, along the lines of, "GODDAMN CLUSTERFUCKED PILE OF SHIT I've slipped in - AAAIIIIGH!!!!"
Thank you for allowing me to vent - now back to more of the same in your Facebook feed.

"The axe forgets
What the tree remembers..."

- African proverb

Today, I'd like to be positive.
I'm asking you to help catch me up, if I start to drift into negative foci.. Thanks in advance!
May our weekends be serene and engaging!

Scratching my head...
"How am I supposed to live on only $5, until I get payed again on Friday, March 1st?"

Gods, I need to find a better-paying career that uses much more of my potential.
This running out of money days before my next paycheck gets stressful... and, honestly?
I don't like trying to sell people on things - I'd rather deal in ideas (I.e. education instead of retail..)

---------------

Has anyone heard of some interesting career openings in the Austin area?

Age 30 given to me by Rita Rockhold
Where I lived: a loft apartment at Cross Creek apartments in North Austin, TX
What I drove: I walked a lot, and I rode the bus to/from school.
What I did: studying to be a secondary math teacher through the UTeach program at UT Austin. Worked on a volunteer database for the NCTM national conference in the spring. Worked part-time as a clerk at the Diamond Shamrock across the street from my apartment. Quit smoking for 6ish months. Regularly went to $2 drink night and played trivia and pool at Barney's Billiards. Hung out with 3 different neighbors. Had a manic meltdown that landed me in ASH for a week in the spring...
Who had my heart: one of my cohorts in UTeach, following several emails that helped get me through the first month of quitting smoking.
Fears: perfectionist tendencies, over-analyzing, deep water and unprotected heights, not being able to pay my bills
...and today? Well, I've already done this once before, so I'll refer you to what I wrote yesterday...
If you'd like me to suggest an age for you to do, then please add a comment below.

Looking for moving helpers

I'm moving - want to help?
Tomorrow, Thursday 7 Feb, noon - 8ish...
Starting at 2502 Jones Rd, unit B, Austin

____________________

Want to help me move 2-3 blocks?
Tomorrow, 7 Feb 2013:
Noon - ??? Packing (boxes or bags appreciated)
4 pm - ??? (Probably 6) move furniture and packages
I can help fund and/or cook a dinner for my helpers, but there may be a week's delay, depending on my finances.
My apologies for such short notice, but I've been in rental limbo/hell...

____________________

Want to help me move 2 or so blocks?
Date: Thursday, 7 Feb '13
Packing starts/continues at noon,
Furniture

I'm moving later this week, to a house a couple of blocks away.
Would any of you be willing to help me move by...
- providing/finding boxes Wednesday day?
- or moving a dresser, a book case, and stuff to go in them on Thursday or Friday day?
Right now, I could offer some home-cooked spaghetti as compensation. If you don't mind waiting two weeks, then I could treat you to a dinner at a sit-down restaurant ...
Please message or call me if you can help - thanks in advance!

Moving seems complicated. Can I break it down into more manageable tasks?
Maybe a sort: stuff to sell, stuff to give away, stuff to store, stuff to take with me - I still need packing supplies...
Sprinkle in a few phone calls, following leads, as I still haven't found a place to go
Feeling that I should eat first, so I'm going to Golden Corral on South Lamar. Anyone want to meet me there, ~ 10:45 a.m.?

Feelings of fear and frustration...
I just want to run away, have a meltdown, check into ASH... But those don't improve my circumstances, so I need to find a different solution.
I feel uncertain about my housing, and I'd like help finding alternative housing by next Friday - renting a room from some one, moving to another sober house (or co-op?), an inexpensive efficiency apartment....

Hello, procrastination.
Could you please make room for decisive actions?
I'll be taking a shower and praying while I wait...

The Benefits of Silence
By
Thich Nhat Hanh
Q: Could tell us about the benefits of silence and how we could bring that home with us from this retreat?
A:Many of us have realized in the last few days that silence can be enjoyable. We realize that there are many things that we do not have to say, and that then we can reserve the time and energy to do other things that can help us to look more deeply into ourselves and things around us.
If you are pushed by your habit energy to say something, don't say it. Instead, take a notebook and write it down. A day or two later, read what you wrote, and you might find out that it would have been an awful thing to say. So slowly you become master of yourself, and you know what to say and what not to say.
I remember one time I proposed to a sister that she practice silence. She was an elder nun and she had a few negative seeds in her that prevented her from being happy. She was just a little bit too hard on the other sisters. I proposed to her that she was a very talented person, very skillful in many things, and she could make many people happy if only she knew how to be silent and to say only things that needed to be said.
I proposed to her that she use only three sentences for three months. She could repeat these three sentences as many times as she wanted(laughter) and I told her that if she practiced that for a week, she would feel happiness right away. The first sentence was, "Dear sister,is there anything I can do to help you?" (laughter) The second sentence was, "Did you like what I did to help you?" The third was, "Would you have any suggestion that I can do it better?" (laughter) If she could say that, she would make many people happy and the happiness would go back to herself very quickly.

On Peace & Acceptance
“Peace is not merely a distant goal we seek but a means by which we arrive at that goal.” -Martin Luther King, Jr.
The present moment will never have all the conditions that are most conducive to peace and happiness. There will never be a day when there’s absolutely no struggle, conflict, or confusion.
We can decide this makes it impossible to ever be fully peaceful, or we can consider that peace isn’t about eliminating all challenges but rather accepting that life involves them. When you think about it, this is actually a gift. Through struggle we learn, evolve, innovate, and create. Without it, we’d grow stagnant.
Today if you find yourself feeling uncomfortable with the events in your professional or personal life, remind yourself there is no alternative to external conflict; but there is the possibility of finding a peace that both transcends it and turns it into something useful.
What could you do today to leverage your circumstances for your benefit, and what tension do you need to release to do that?
“The only Zen you find on the tops of mountains is the Zen you bring up there.”

Coming, here, gone:
Flowers in the Sky.
In the blink of one false eye,
In the blink of One True Eye,
Flowers in the empty sky;
Shimmering, scented ... gone,
Gone, gone, gone far beyond
Their seeds of arising.
But, staying, Here-Now,
A Great Marvel of Manifestation.
Bodhisvattas - for the bees.
Soil, sun, rain, sky ...
Four Elements embracing,
Intertwined in mind.
Unfathomable Matrix;
Scaffolds on scaffolds
Grounded in Otherness.
Below seeds, flowers, leaves,
stems, roots ...
Below wet cells embraced,
Below atoms dancing on Energy ...
Deeper and deeper below into
What? A Plenitude, sacredness.
Emptiness in full bloom.
Above seeds, flowers, leaves,
stems, roots ...
Above water, soil, air, sunlight ...
Above sensing, feeling, working, thinking ...
Higher and higher out towards
What? "Vast emptiness, nothing holy."
Flowers in the sky.
— Master Dōgen Zenji —
__/|\__ Buddha Bless You __/|\__

If you cry because you miss the sun, your tears will not let you see the moon.
African Proverb

Will you know me...
...by the company I keep?
...by the happenings I seek?
...by the deep secrets I keep?
...by the truths and lies I speak?
...by the mixed rewards I reap?
All these are but pointers to my paws, signs of the tracks I leave, and the widening ripples I weave, in the hazy realm between me and the world.

An image comes to mind:
...sharing photos from my past...
Although the pictures might have special significance to me, they may not mean much to you.
So, a couple of pictures may be tolerable, but a couple of photo albums...? ...or several hours of home videos...?
At what point will you want to say, "ENOUGH!! You're wasting my time with all this nostalgia..!"

With over-sharing on Facebook, the fear is that I become more of a nuisance, by sharing and liking 10+ posts per day. I certainly can see that I get annoyed when some of my friends over-share...
Yet, I'd like to be a channel, or reporter - passing along the posts that resonate with me.
Unfortunately, (?) I find a lot of posts here interesting, whether they be jokes, or quotes, or scientific research, or...
So, perhaps the challenge is finding a balance between shadow-lurking and over-sharing. There's probably a heuristic in that balance - a set of rules like:
1) use likes sparingly, when I think a friend's post is really good news
2) reserve comments for friends, and only when they "arise spontaneously", I.e. no comments made just to follow future comments..?
3) reserve sharing for fan and group pages, as I do not know if my friends want their status updates and personal pictures broadcast to people they don't know
4) be more aware of apps "posting on my behalf"..?
You may come to know me better by "the company I keep". On the one hand, this could be the people I quote or paraphrase... Or it could be the quoted ideas themselves, with no connection to the speakers being princes or paupers.

I can walk one of several paths, stemming from my New Year's resolution:
1) stronger silence
2) stay with the current course
3) relax the conditions
Since I'm posting this, and liking stuff over the last month, and such... I think I've been exercising 3)
Maybe I need to better define the conditions under which I'd like to restrain pen and tongue... More on that to follow in my next update

Elusive wording!! Grr...
What I make time for reveals what I value.
For time is far more precious than money. Do I need to add this qualifier?

Hmm.. What is my perspective tonight?
I'm feeling some what critical - already unliked one page, toyed with defriending one friend..
I also find myself agreeing with a political post, but not willing to share it forward. Just don't want to deal with "defending it afterwords"..? Or is it that I'm sitting on the fence, and don't feel that it's well-documented enough to share forward..?
I suspect I may be sharing inspirational quotes for their warm fuzzies, scientific info graphics to try to educate, and some twisted sarcasm just because it makes me laugh out loud.
I also can't guarantee I'll be nice in comments, but I'll try to behave...

Words elude me,
So I stand on quotes -
Not because of who said them,
But - rather - because they hint at what I believe.
...and a picture can be a thousand words, and a word can ignite a thousand pictures...
Stumble..?
Leave it as first written, go back and revise, or reduce its power through hedging with more words..?
I abandon this post, only to try again with a fresher slate: "etch-a-sketch" -> "draft-a-status"

I do not like to repeat myself.
Yet, by repetition, and,
More so, by revision,
I gain both
A clearer understanding of where I've been
And a more succinct story for you to comprehend.
But... I do not like to repeat myself...
For I hope to have learned -
From my missteps, and from yours -
That we may dance with grace
Through our remaining days.
Something lingers in the campfire's shade,
An unknown
Caught up in rhyming again - frustration - switch to streaming, this..
I don't want to repeat myself, and yet I'll run my "addictions" into the ground, locked in the obsessive cycles. Is it competition fueling the game play or boredom!? Is it a desire to be connected fueling the feed-trolling, or a weird desire just to be heard? Am I focusing on the last 24 hours because I haven't found a "pat response" to that passage yet...? Do I leave my past on the shelf in my mind's library because I don't think it's relevant to the talk at hand?
I do not want to repeat myself..?
So, what is the difference between liking and wanting? What subtlety can be teased out of that change? How does the story get embellished in the second telling, or the tenth, or the hundredth..?
I think to like the repetition may be to be comfortable with the routine. As I was writing just a couple of lines above, I was thinking, "Ah! Yet you like set schedules of eating, sleeping, and such.. And you like to visit the same haunts.."
..or..
"If some thing or idea works, I am prone to do it again, hoping for the same results"
But, why would I want to repeat myself? Why get bogged down in an endless karmic cycle? Why stay with the comfortable, and leave the unknown unexplored? Why settle for a local happiness maximum, when trudging through a value of discomfort may find me at a much higher peak?
I do not know if I have compelling answers for or against. Sooo... Without clear understanding of history,
I might well have to repeat myself.
Rita Rockhold: "Pop the bubble!!"
Kelley J Doyle: "Get out of the cave!!"
...and, a pattern I've been playing with of late, let me tag 5-15 others for comments:

I'm wondering about a New Year's Resolution for 2013...
I'd like to try "speaking only when spoken to"...
...in order to work on my active listening skills..?
So, on Facebook, this would mean no sharing of others' posts, no status updates "out of nowhere", not even unsolicited comments on posts...
In my AA involvement, this would mean not sharing unless called upon... And I'm thinking I'd sit outside of 1313's circle of sharing unless asked to join by a friend.
Also... I would not be calling others, or texting, or emailing; except in reply to their initial contacts.
However, I would still engage others while at work, as that is part of my job duties, e.g. Greeting customers with "Welcome to Walgreens!"
I'm still not sure if this is the final form for this "Vow of Silence"... I also have some reservations on how long I'll try to maintain it - 1 month, 3 months, a year, indefinite...?
Any thoughts from "all y'all"?

Thinking it's time to get in the shower, and "carpe diem".
(Autocorrect wanted to make that "carpe firm" - probably not the best association with being in a shower...)

"May we be happy,
May we be peaceful,
May we be free from suffering,
May we be full of loving kindness..."

"What's going on, Jody?"
hmm. thinking about "the stage character we present to our fellows"... here are some of the thoughts bouncing around:
- there are usually some parts of our lives that we try to keep as secrets, mostly because of shame or embarrasment - or possibly fear of negative consequences
- our words may not always match up with our actions, which can lead others to label us as hypocrites; because we'll say one thing, but then proceed to do the opposite (some times on auto pilot)
- worse yet, our minds are paradoxical, in that they can easily believe two or more contradictory beliefs simultaneously
- we can also be conditioned by society to act in certain roles, such as "men don't cry"
- we might also change our behavior from our typical behavior when we're trying to impress somebody, such as at a job interview, or when courting a person we're attracted to (or, I'm reminded of a quote I once saw on the dating sites, that "people often 'present fronts' in their profiles, like the person they'd like to be, not the person they are)

...and then there was the second part, "We must be entirely honest with somebody..."
Bean's notes:
- So, when asked "how are you?", try to give an honest assessment. However, you might get some weird reactions if you're not well, and you admit this..
- The amount and type of disclosure depends partly on our "role" in the situation - i.e., employers are usually not paying us to bring our family or relationship issues into the job, or even ALL of our education and/or past experiences
- ...and partly on how much trust has been established with the people we're disclosing to - if some one has gossiped about what we've shared with them, is it prudent or wise to share our secrets with them?
- and, of course, even though Facebook connects you with many of your close friends, it's not a wise idea to use it for therapy sessions; because you really do not know who may see what you say, now or later in the future...

"I'm lying, every time I speak."
Part of the idea: words, by their nature, have limits... And so they cannot capture the complete truth.

I feel - some times a dangerous way to start a status update - disconnected from and unappreciated by some - not ALL - of my acquaintances.
I just have to wonder... Am I unapproachable? Do I smell bad? Do these people think I have nothing to offer?
Probably just feeding my resentment(s).
...part of me just wants to act out, and attempt a retreat in December - no meetings, no Facebook, no outgoing phone calls... Just work and home. I wonder how long it would take before anyone would "send out the search party"...
---------
Sooo... That's where my brain is trying to take me right now: "feeling alone in a room of crowded people"

A little mind-bug:
"Why do I expect you to invite me into your life, when I don't seem to be making any effort to invite you into mine?"

When Formula One Came to Austin

So, I'm thinking about our culture's infatuation with watching sports - whether it be team sports like football, basketball, and baseball; or more individual sports like golf, tennis, running, and auto racing. Part of the reason I'm thinking about it is because Austin is opening up a race track this weekend.
Honestly, I've never seen much appeal in watching others engage in physical activity - it just doesn't seem to matter much in the grand scheme of things, or in enhancing my personal enlightenment.
I'd rather be an active participant. Even there, though, I have to be aware of my limitations; and I'd rather be in a sport or exercise that has some secondary goals or maybe even healthy competition integrated into it. Example: I prefer to walk and bike to places, rather than drive... I prefer playing volleyball over playing football...
Mind's still sleepy, and I'm not sure where I'm going...
I guess I just don't feel invested in professional sports.
In a similar vein, I feel only slightly more investment in non-local artists, probably because I haven't had the opportunity to get to know them as fellow humans. However, some times art *DOES* change me, even when I'm just the spectator, and it is for those artists that I am grateful, as they have usually changed me for the better, or, at least, broadened my horizons.
Going to tag Troy Dillinger, 'cause his conversations here, this morning, got me thinking about this.

42..

You know...? 42 in binary is 101010.

Kind of cool, IMHO

(SSSU - 8/5/12)

SSSU:

Start with a word, like 'trees'.

Evolve freely, in a stream of consciousness, branching from tangent to tangent, spinning out circles of ideas, paying only minimal attention to punctuation and grammar - just to attempt to get the thought cloud down into a concrete soup....

...and then review and reflect, to wonder aloud: "Is this art, like a mighty oak, or garbage, like the Hudson River delta?"

(SSSU - 6/3/12)

Oh, yeah, we're in the weekend, sooo...

SSSU: (word association - until I pause) caged bird sings as light brings tan toast to the table, taking the edge off a night of tossing and turning, from cicadas brring - or was it all that coffee quaffed, just cause i'm thirsty, but I don't want to be drinking. I see OJ and milk by the toast, bacon by the eggs, a bowl of cantaloupe and berries, and yet... i want a steak, or so i claim... a place to retire, to call home, to settle in for a long haul. Of course, this might not make much sense, bouncing between times then and ahead, but at least it's not sooo... random?

On inter-connectedness....

The boundary between the self and the One is an illusion.

I am embedded in a much larger whole, and I can not claim a unique experience that separates me from the Universe.

However, I can claim that my set of experiences differ from yours. This is a good thing, as it creates "original ideas" that I can share with you, and, vice versa.

"Create-a-conversation"

Idea: "Create-a-conversation"

Choose your audience:
One-on-one, 3-8 people, public forum...

Choose your medium:
Text (letters, posts, etc), Phone, In person...

Choose 3-10 topics for discussion, with or without time limits, with or without prior notice

Post a comment with the above preferences, and maybe we can coordinate to make it happen..?

"Dark Comedy"

Underneath most humor lies some harm...

Sooo... We'd like to believe we're independent from other people and/or God...
...but our past interactions have a strong influence on shaping our present ones.
Like, I can see the influence of my family's upbringing, my church involvement as a teen, and my co-operative living experiences in my work interactions, my present friendships, my moral codes, etc....

May you sleep well, and have memorable, yet pleasant, dreams.
May you awake refreshed, with time to spare before your first commitment of the day.
...and may your day bring you goals achieved, from dreams manifested into plans that you can readily accomplish!
Good night all, and welcome The Sandman.

Sooo...
The sober house that I live at needs a new/used electric washer and dryer.
I'm going to try checking Craigslist later today, but if anyone else has any leads, it would be appreciated.
I strongly suspect that I've lost two of my favorite dress shirts today, because they got sucked up under the washer central axle. There were a few loose buttons scattered in the rest of the load, and lots of cloth fragments.
Grrrrr.... :((

Note: I still like to tutor college mathematics, and I charge the DARS rate of $20/hr.
My contact info is here on Facebook, if you'd like to set up sessions.
I've previously worked for UT's Learning Skills Center, for 7 years, tutoring from pre-calculus through differential equations, with some linear algebra students, too...

"clueless": finding myself perplexed that Amy's Ice Cream is "STILL" selling chocolate covered strawberries - yep, this last year just seemed to whoosh by me...

So. What is your vision for what services a government should provide, and at what level (local, national, global)..?
...and... What is your role, as an individual, in helping that vision take shape, especially if you're in the minority opinion?

Mind's trying to grapple with a statement about filters... Secrets... Fear of speaking, out of fear of judgement...
Most times, I don't think too long about the repercussions of what I will say.
However, I don't like to gossip about people who aren't present, and, if I believe some thing can and should be kept secret, I try to do so.

3 spins on the same ?
What are your priorities in your life?
What activities do you invest your time and energy in?
What are you "packing into the stream of life"?