My mood has been deteriorating, this week.
My mind is trying to magnify my faults and minimize my strengths. Then it turns that behavior onto the world.
Finding faults everywhere, I place myself in full flight mode. I lack the confidence to fight, because I found so many faults with myself.
Yet, I’m scared that I won’t try to flee in a healthy manner and that I won’t try to retreat to a “safe” position. I’ll lash out to drive people away. I’ll abandon my healthy commitments like I’m tossing out the baby with the bath water; because It’s like I’m managing my life with a flamethrower — burning it down to a level where I feel no anxiety. Yet, with each new retreat, with each new scorched earth, I still believe there are internal and external faults to be found in the ashes...
How far do I have to burn out before I feel comfortable again?
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