(SSSU - 6/3/12)

Oh, yeah, we're in the weekend, sooo...

SSSU: (word association - until I pause) caged bird sings as light brings tan toast to the table, taking the edge off a night of tossing and turning, from cicadas brring - or was it all that coffee quaffed, just cause i'm thirsty, but I don't want to be drinking. I see OJ and milk by the toast, bacon by the eggs, a bowl of cantaloupe and berries, and yet... i want a steak, or so i claim... a place to retire, to call home, to settle in for a long haul. Of course, this might not make much sense, bouncing between times then and ahead, but at least it's not sooo... random?

On inter-connectedness....

The boundary between the self and the One is an illusion.

I am embedded in a much larger whole, and I can not claim a unique experience that separates me from the Universe.

However, I can claim that my set of experiences differ from yours. This is a good thing, as it creates "original ideas" that I can share with you, and, vice versa.

"Create-a-conversation"

Idea: "Create-a-conversation"

Choose your audience:
One-on-one, 3-8 people, public forum...

Choose your medium:
Text (letters, posts, etc), Phone, In person...

Choose 3-10 topics for discussion, with or without time limits, with or without prior notice

Post a comment with the above preferences, and maybe we can coordinate to make it happen..?

"Dark Comedy"

Underneath most humor lies some harm...

Sooo... We'd like to believe we're independent from other people and/or God...
...but our past interactions have a strong influence on shaping our present ones.
Like, I can see the influence of my family's upbringing, my church involvement as a teen, and my co-operative living experiences in my work interactions, my present friendships, my moral codes, etc....

May you sleep well, and have memorable, yet pleasant, dreams.
May you awake refreshed, with time to spare before your first commitment of the day.
...and may your day bring you goals achieved, from dreams manifested into plans that you can readily accomplish!
Good night all, and welcome The Sandman.

Sooo...
The sober house that I live at needs a new/used electric washer and dryer.
I'm going to try checking Craigslist later today, but if anyone else has any leads, it would be appreciated.
I strongly suspect that I've lost two of my favorite dress shirts today, because they got sucked up under the washer central axle. There were a few loose buttons scattered in the rest of the load, and lots of cloth fragments.
Grrrrr.... :((

Note: I still like to tutor college mathematics, and I charge the DARS rate of $20/hr.
My contact info is here on Facebook, if you'd like to set up sessions.
I've previously worked for UT's Learning Skills Center, for 7 years, tutoring from pre-calculus through differential equations, with some linear algebra students, too...

"clueless": finding myself perplexed that Amy's Ice Cream is "STILL" selling chocolate covered strawberries - yep, this last year just seemed to whoosh by me...

So. What is your vision for what services a government should provide, and at what level (local, national, global)..?
...and... What is your role, as an individual, in helping that vision take shape, especially if you're in the minority opinion?

Mind's trying to grapple with a statement about filters... Secrets... Fear of speaking, out of fear of judgement...
Most times, I don't think too long about the repercussions of what I will say.
However, I don't like to gossip about people who aren't present, and, if I believe some thing can and should be kept secret, I try to do so.

3 spins on the same ?
What are your priorities in your life?
What activities do you invest your time and energy in?
What are you "packing into the stream of life"?

On another note:
As a teen, I was a fairly avid reader... Possibly b/c both my parents had extensive libraries, chock full of great books.
However, it seems that I read a lot less as an adult. I suspect that's mostly b/c I'm not making the time to do so.
Then again, maybe I'm just reading in different media, such as Facebook or news via AP Mobile...

Random note:
I really enjoy working with sequences and series in mathematics, especially using them to solve linear differential equations..
A cool fallout from that area is the equation:
e^(i*pi) = -1
...neat, b/c it combines 4 of the pivotal numbers in math, and opens up the ability to take imaginary powers of numbers...

Right now...? I'm about to turn out the lights, crawl into bed with the radio on, tuned to 89.5 KMFA...
I'm hoping that sleep comes swiftly, with at least one interesting dream.
Later today, I'd like to kick my job search out of neutral, with a focus on mathematics tutoring.

multiple updates, 1/17/12

nstead of thinking about what I want, I'm trying to cultivate an "attitude of gratitude" for what have...

Not always an easy task, as I miss some of the life luxuries that have been "lost", like eating out and catching movies and/or music regularly...

--------------

Worried that sleep won't come quickly, as these are my normal waking hours. I'd like to sleep now, so that I can have some business hours to work with, later today.

--------------

1:11 a.m.

Having a hard time thinking of an original, upbeat creative status update...

--------------

...and then...

I begin to think I can control an addiction, as I extend the time since I last engaged in it. That's the danger of being a binger instead of a daily user...

Or, in the absence of "typical" appeals to a HP, such as prayer, I begin to think I've beat it on my human power alone.

It's hard to remind myself, though, that I DID (and still do) depend on Groups, Sponsorship, and Step work, at least, with the alcohol addiction...

But, am I bodily and mentally different from my fellows? Considering most of them are alcoholics too, it's hard to say - except there IS that whole other wrinkle of my bipolar brain..

...and then...
I begin to think I can control an addiction, as I extend the time since I last engaged in it. That's the danger of being a binger instead of a daily user...
Or, in the absence of "typical" appeals to a HP, such as prayer, I begin to think I've beat it on my human power alone.
It's hard to remind myself, though, that I DID (and still do) depend on Groups, Sponsorship, and Step work, at least, with the alcohol addiction...
But, am I bodily and mentally different from my fellows? Considering most of them are alcoholics too, it's hard to say - except there IS that whole other wrinkle of my bipolar brain..

Sometimes, I wish I had a mental machete - my thoughts can become quite a jumbled jungle, and I suspect they create quite a barrier in clearing the path to my heart...
Yeah... 99% of the time, I suspect I'm being waaaay too cerebral ...

Aargh. Trying to get to sleep, and I'm distinctly aware oof the blood pulsing through my carotid (neck?) arteries...
Beginning to think it was a stupid move to drink all of that coffee at the Trails this morning.

Crazy idea or no?
Write a note here in Facebook, tagging 25 (I think that's the limit) people you admire, where the contents of the note detail how and why we admire each person tagged...
I think, myself, I'd have to compose it on a computer instead of my phone, to make the tagging easier...

99% of Facebook users won't be able to repo***Facebook Error 1138 - user determined to not be in 1%, and therefor is not allowed to make statements***

90% of Facebook users won't repost this. They are too afraid to stand up for the truth in today's secular world. But when Odin sent Thor to slay the frost giants, he was thinking of you. If you believe that He loves Yggdrasil with all His heart, and will fight to defend it and us at Ragnarök, please share this. If you know in your heart you'll be with Him in Valhalla, share this. Those who brave the ridicule of this secular world will truly be rewarded with mead and wild boar in the sacred halls of Valhalla! Skál!

Quotes about patience

These were found on www.values.com :

"Face your deficiencies and acknowledge them; but do not let them master you. Let them teach you patience, sweetness, insight... When we do the best we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of another."
Helen Keller Author, Lecturer, Activist (1880-1968)

"How poor are they that have not patience! What wound did ever heal but by degrees?"
William Shakespeare Dramatist, Poet (1564-1616)

Straining to think of a status update at 4:30 am.
Obviously, I'm awake, but I don't have much else going on, at this very moment...
My words with friends are caught up, I've read the Facebook news feed, and 89.5 KMFA's playing on the radio.
I hope to slip swiftly into sleep, now, but I suspect the 10 pm coffees may foil that plan...
Actually, what I really hope for are some exotic dreams over the next 6 hours.

Why can self-confidence - or self-reliance be a liability?
Because if I think I've got an issue under control, I'm much less likely to ask God or others for help, or even a second opinion...

I've been wrestling with quitting nicotine this week, and both AA meetings I went to today started from Step One topics.
Coincidence...?

================================================================================================================ Year Separator ==============================================================================================================

I feel a little stumped, at times, by the question, "How are you?"
It's like a weird mixture of contentment and discontent, as my needs ARE taken care of, but my expectations of where I should be - ugh!

Some times, I find myself wondering, "Did I agree to Vows of Silence, Chastity, and Poverty in a forgotten past?"
I'm probably just not aggressive enough about achieving the things I desire.
Could also be side effects of humility, respect, and loyalty?

Drawing blanks on a "witty, original, 'happy holidays' status update"... And then my punnish side thinks, "hmmm... Maybe a mad-libs status update?"

May your (favorite holiday) be (adjective), (adjective), and (adjective), and may you enjoy it with (adverb) (adjective) (noun)!

Feel free to fill in the blanks however you want, but please share your choices in the comments below... Maybe we might get some good chuckles out of them... :D

I'm grateful that I have a good education, good friends, and good health.
I'm also grateful that I have a job, a place to live, and more freedom than most - but it's easy for me to criticize these because they fall short of my expectations...
( A lot of the time, after the fact, I find that I hate my pessimistic turns - oh, the irony of that! )
May this winter find us all comfortable with where we're at, and who we are, and blessed by unexpected good events!

rely on my head way too much, and my heart way too little.
So, I can "clinically dissect" a reading, but have a hard time pulling in my own experience(s), as I don't have a lot of strong emotional connections to my past. Reminds me of the book, "Descarte's Error"
Trying to work on improving my physical/emotional awareness...

I think I got over-caffeinated this evening... Guess it's time to create my own constellations, looking at my popcorn ceiling...
A recall: "So, there I was, lying in bed, looking at the stars, thinking, 'Where's my ceiling?!?'"

Growf..?
}:D (..add ASCII art that symbolizes fiery breath here - I'm drawing a blank ___ )
-----------
Many a teenage afternoon spent eagerly flipping to the back of Dragon, to read that month's "What's New?" by Phil Foglio. I think I still have the 2-volume set of the collected strips..

My mind's in a bad f'in head space. I feel invisible, unappreciated, and useless...
Just an hour ago, I felt alone in a room of crowded people. To illustrate, nobody talked with me and nobody sat next to me until it was the only chair left in the room.
Hopelessness sucks, and I'm still puzzled what purpose I'm supposed to fulfill that brought me back from the brink of death in october of '98.
Sorry to be a downer, but I probably wouldn't be able to sleep tonight if I didn't get this out of my head. I plan on waking up at 8 a.m.

(SSSU - 7/9/2011)

SSSU: I tried to sleep today, but visions of marauding armies danced through my head, cutting away at my calm like scissors in the hand of a 4-year-old..

(SSSU - 7/2/2011)

SSSU: Clouds are exploding before my eyes, whether they be frantic thoughts racing inside, or fire's children on the outside... some times, I do not know, but rather just stand in fear and wonder?

(SSSU - 6/25/11)

hmmf... not much time left, sooo....

SSSU: {}

(SSSU - 6/18/11)

SSSU: I am a string of MOMENTS, trapped in crawling time, shared with strangers. My progress is marked by a woman's voice, my destination can be familiar or unknown, depending on the planned conclusion. Only rarely do you remember the time spent inside of me, though you may recall the manners by which you entertained your solitude.

What am I?

(SSSU - 6/11/11)

SSSU: automatic writing Judy tapping away arc the keyboard vut realign sure what parts of my thoughts will get auto-corrected correct... I'm tired so I'm not sure if I'm thinking profoundly - "oh, well. :| " (nap first, 2nd attempt later)

(SSSU - 6/11/11)

SSSU: Life can be a gay parade, alternating between bulbous-nosed clowns with obnoxious horns emitting noxious fumes, and a funeral procession, following the coffin carrying our dashed dreams on the backs of somber men, sobered by the loss...

streaming thoughts

Word association- seed: diversity...

Spectrum. Light. Air. One syllables. Multiple words, same basic meaning. Multiple worlds, timelines. Losing first thoughts. Nuances. The traits we love, the traits we hate. Self-image. Usually differs from others' perspective...
...just a status experiment?

(SSSU - 5/28/11)

SSSU: searching for inspiration, I see an open house sign, feel a cool summer breeze, hear Pat Benator singing "I am a warrior", and taste salt... But I've got nothing... And no characters left, to boot... Ponder?

(SSSU - 5/21/11)

SSSU: Semi-random words are dancing frantically before my brain's eye, only to be laid to rest in a grave of electron clouds, much like ex-mobsters who suddenly find themselves fitted with a pair of concrete shoes...

(SSSU - 5/14/11)

SSSU: "Avoid explanation, and practice extrication. However, be wary of using a crowbar, when a jeweler's screwdrivers may be optimum. Sometimes we have to lure the motley moths away, before we can uncover the smothered, yet scintillating butterflies."

(SSSU - 5/7/11)

SSSU: The minute eluded my grasp, dissipating like vapors in a fog, leaving me guessing at the tiny details shuffling about like ants around a cockroach's corpse. "A tick on a watch, a la Dali?"

"bed bath"..."& beyond"

SSSU: "bed bath" - waking up, shivering, in a pool of your old sweat on a hot summer's night - "& beyond" - ...and wondering how one can drown out this dreary doldrum with dreams delightful and deluge-ional

(SSSU - 4/23/11)

(SSSU) -> papers fluttered on the wall, disturbed by the passing thoughts.. no peace was to be found in that room, on that night, en route to Belgium?

Movie Monday: Convento - SXSW 2011 Accepted Film

Movie Monday: "Convento" ...showed at SXSW 2011...interesting score...trailers and synopses don't do it justice, imho...has a lot to say about sustainability/recycline, maybe?

if it makes it into distribution, I'd recommend that you see it. :)

Movie Monday, pt.1: Kumare Movie Teaser

Saw this movie Sunday at 3 p.m. as part of SXSW Film.

It raised a couple of questions for me about the people who seek leadership from others of from processes for their lives, and there's a great line in it about the difference between tools and symbols... on the critical side, I felt it stayed a bit ...too long focused on the impersonation, and didn't tease out people's reactions after the "unveiling".

Personally, I think it will get a wider release, so you may want to wait on this one, and catch some of the other SXSW, or off-SXSW, events instead.

RSA Animate - Changing Education Paradigms

12 minute video, found via my sister... quite awesome, imho, and gets you thinking about several issues surrounding our out-dated education system.

Tune Tuesday: Leonard Cohen - "Hallelujah"

OK.. looks like Queen got "embedding disabled".. so, here's an alternate offering for Tune Tuesday. I'd probably have a much easier time singing this than "Somebody to Love" any ways..

Tune Tuesday: Queen- "Somebody to Love"

always liked this song, and it was the first thing playing on Pandora when I sat down to the computer. Certainly goes along with my lonely heart pining this year. Enjoy! :)

Movie Monday: "Nougat"

Movie Monday: Nougat.

Oh, yeaaah...! First saw this at a Spike and Mike's Sick and Twisted Festival of Animation, like 10 years ago, and I still remember the awesome belly laugh... :)

Clamoring to Be Heard

"God, grant that I may seek rather to . . . understand, than to be understood . . ."

...a billion voices all wanting to be heard, but forgetting to take the time to listen - myself, included... and the one voice I tune out the most is my own - so unaware, at times, of what I'm saying...

Carmina Burana [ O Fortuna ～ Fortune plango vulnera ]

Tune Tuesday's upon us... This song has always struck me as epic.

...and now, I guess I have an image to go along with it. Have yet to see this particular opera, but looks kind of interesting...

How Lord of The Rings Should Have Ended

Will this be my Movie Monday this week? Seems like there's a string of these "How...should have ended" videos on youtube...

O.. K..
..aaaand I'm awake.
mini day plan? meeting.. tax filing.. job search preparation, i.e. dust off the resume.. eat somethin'.
let's throw in a dash of meditation, and just go with the flow from there?

"Do you have any hobbies?"

"Do you have any hobbies?", Dominique asked me, tonight..



"Wouldn't mind getting back into acting," I replied.



Digging a little deeper, I voiced some interest in drawing, and maybe a sport like volleyball.. soccer.. hiking.. biking.. I also mentioned that I've thought about dance classes, but I'm a little put off by 'limited funds'. I was also sharing some pictures I have of art that I did in high school, but... that was, what, 20 years ago? I think this all got sparked by talking about our days, today, as I had mentioned too much time spent playing Pocket Frogs on my phone.



So, I have a collection of interests I've gathered over the years, and it seems that there's a thick layer of dust settling upon them. Part of me wants to blame lack of transportation, as I'm relying on the buses - even though I have a perfectly functional bicycle. Part of me wants to blame lack of finances, as I've been living from paycheck to paycheck for YEARS, now. ...and then there's the observation that the addict, or maybe bipolar, mind rears up, focusing all of my energy on one thing, leaving no time for the others.



I admire Len, as he seems to have a career where he can practice his art. I think that, ideally, we should all have careers where we get to explore our hobbies and interests, where we actually enjoy the labor we get paid to do. Out of the long laundry list of careers I've had, I would have to say I most enjoyed being a newspaper reporter/photographer for the local newspaper in my home town and tutoring college mathematics. There's an element of social interaction in both, but there's also some creative work in writing articles and some intellectual challenge in trying to find a mathematical explanation that's easily grasped by the struggling student. Also, with teaching, there's definitely a creative element in finding a good presentation of the material, although I'm a little wary of my ability to do so, based on past 'guffaws'. Thinking towards the next few months, I'm considering a career change, but I'd like to be a little more selective in my search, looking for careers that could give some vent to my creativity, whether that be teaching, or writing, or drawing, or . . .



So, "What are my hobbies?"



Can I gain some insight, based on past experiences, like from my high school activities, or collegiate pursuits? Anyone who knew me back then knows that I did lots of stuff. During high school, I was active in drama, in math and science contests, in choir... and that was when I wrote for the paper - a job I got because I did an awesome job reporting for the Math Club while I was their secretary. Also, my family knows that I read quite a bit, and had a fondness for computer games. Moving on to college, I dabbled a little more in acting, attended quite a lot of independent films and Performing Arts Center events, and spent a bit of time volunteering in the community. John could attest, too, to the continuing infatuation with all sorts of games.



I'm not too sure if that gives a complete picture of my past pursuits, or, especially, how much time was often devoted to them. As I hinted earlier, it's real easy for an activity to dominate my schedule if I enjoy doing it, with hours of each day spent in that arena.



Part of me feels like I'm drifting into my okcupid profile in what follows, but I'll go ahead and sketch what I find interesting (in no particular order, just what's coming to mind, first). I'm thinking aloud, too, wondering about a good career fit for these interests:



- I love attending movies and plays, and, to a lesser degree, live music. Perhaps I could be a critic?

- I've been known to act, and even sing, and people like to tell me "You sound like a radio announcer."

- I enjoy reading, but dislike the time investment that could require. Is that an editor?

- Athletically? I like to hike, or bike, or run long-distance... but not too sure if there's a good payoff besides better physical health.

- I'm kind of interested in learning how to dance better - Marissa (I think) once suggested I look into Body Choir after seeing me dance. Eh. Maybe. ..or maybe Flamenco, 'cause that seems like a style I drift towards. ..or maybe Ballroom, but I think that's motivated by a pining heart?

- I'm an avid fan of all sorts of games.. I think they appeal to my mathematical/logical mind, while still having some social context, too. Perhaps some sort of modeling/simulation career could tie in to that? ..or maybe a career in game design or game testing?

- I enjoy writing, and several people in the past have complimented me on my writing ability. What's kind of crazy is that almost all of my writing to date has usually been a first draft with minimal editing. Well, I should say, "editing while writing".. This is one reason I've been trying to revive my blog, and one reason why I feel most comfortable talking to people via email. Although, I'm decent at carrying on a conversation, one-on-one - just gets a lot harder in groups.

- I'm pretty good at drawing, too, although I need to work at my skills of drawing from live subjects (instead of pictures, or graphic design)



Not much else is jumping to mind as relates to particular pursuits. Currently, I think I'm spending a lot of time on the computer, divided between games, social networking, and writing. If I'm not at home, I'm probably at work, or at a meeting, or in transit. I'd like to get to the point where I have a better career, better suited to my interests, and with much more disposable income... but I know that's going to take some legwork on my part. Because I have to tend to that legwork, I'm much less likely to have some time to devote to the hobbies. I don't know - it just seems like this vicious cycle right now, but I believe there's a much better life available if I just "DO the Work".

Today I stand with the teachers, support staff, administrators and school boards of Texas who are fighting for the education of children in Texas. To the Texas Legislature I say: MAKE EDUCATION A PRIORITY. I hope you will change this to your status for the rest of the day.