8 Dec 2010

 needs a ride to the D/FW Metroplex (specifically Garland) sometime during these holidays to visit with his family.. any of my Austin friends heading that way, at some time between Christmas and New Year's? Face-mail me back if you got space to spare in your vehicle...

8 Dec 2010

 is a bit angry because it just does not make sense. The

homeless go without eating. The elderly go without medicine. The

mentally ill go without treatment. Veterens go without benefits that

were promised to them. Yet we give billions in tax breaks to the

wealthiest 2% of Americans--those who need it least. Re-post if you agree.

8 Dec 2010

 A couple of weeks back, my dad asked how I was doing.  I thought about it, for a second, and said, "I'm at a local, but not global, maximum in the graph of my happiness."

 

...meaning, life is relatively stable, my needs are met, and so on... but I can perceive much higher levels of contentment out there, if only I'm willing to put forth some work, and trudge through some tough spots to get there.

 

Example:  I've been toying with the idea of returning to school, in order to add teacher certification, or, possibly a secondary skill set like a strong grounding in a science... most of which would be done with the eventual goal of launching into a much better than the one I currently have.  Unfortunately, my chances of getting financial aid are similar to winning the lotto, what with student loans in default, past dropped semesters, maxing out the amount I could get at UT-Austin, etc..  Sooo, there's some definite financial hardship to face if I were to return to school, coupled with time management stressors...  

 

...and it all seems to be soooo daunting.

 

So, what's with the title of this piece?  My time management is not the best, with me prone to playing game apps on facebook instead of facing the work to improve my life.  I'm thinking that even writing this note is, in itself, a form of procrastination, an attempt to idle away some time before an appointment, and work, today.  It's really just an expanded status update, too..

 

OK.. I'm going to get off the computer, and go wait for a few hours . . bleh.

8 Dec 2016

copy and paste this as your status if you know someone, or have heard of someone, who knows someone. If you don't know anyone, or even if you've just heard of someone who doesn't know anyone, then do still copy this. It's important to spread the message. And the hearts! For heck's ...sake, don't forget the hearts!

8 Dec 2018

some collection of words that try to convey how disrupted the sleep is, how the joints are aching from lack of relaxation and the stress is ever building higher...

or another group claiming such bleak isolation, self-imposed perhaps...

or that choking feeling at the top of my throat - like food wants to come up, or mucus can't go down further - or maybe it's just words that got stuck

all these little complaints, all these little wishes - to be comforted, to be comfortable, to break out of this watery cell, to climb away from this dirty earthy mud-slinging.

ah, to be grateful! to realize there are loving friends and family out there (but they are not here, now)... to realize that I ate twice today... to realize that I can attempt sleep in shelter from the rain...

to be grateful that there is still some luxury, or else I would not be typing this rambling rant, listening to the Rolling Stones, and

yet,

i court death and regret 

7 Dec 2011

 I suspect that I will be forever single if I continue down the path I've tread so far...

Sooo... What can I change? I guess the deeper question could be, "Who do I want to attract, and what would they be looking for, in terms of my actions?"

I have this little devil on my shoulder, suggesting, "you could post that 'ideal' inventory you did a while back..."

7 Dec 2016

 This feeling in my gut that I am self-centered to the extreme... just blindly plowing through life without recognition of others.

So, forgive me, if I have not returned emails or calls, or sent surprise texts asking how you are. Perhaps 2017 will be an improvement for the better?

Life seems so filled with toil and tasks...

7 Dec 2020

 Spreading this, through my network, too, in my own words ... yes, yes, it's a copy and paste (sort of):

When life starts stressing us out, and we are grappling with finding solutions to difficult situations... many of us adopt tunnel-vision and focus-vision, thinking "If I could only fix this one part of my life..."

My recommendation is to relax a little, and pull back - especially since we're already terribly isolated by the pandemic. Take a moment, to reach out to your friends and family. Put your life on pause, for a minute, to see how their lives are going. It is amazing how much a 15 minute conversation between old friends can help pull us out of our stress responses and get us back to normal. It can certainly help put your life in perspective, if you can see that you're not terminally unique; and you're not the only one having to deal with complex issues.

This is a time when empathy and sympathy becomes far more important than problem-solving; because we have some systemic problems that just don't offer quick and easy solutions. Even if our lives are creating anxiety, knowing that others are there beside us can help us weather the fears of the unknown. It's like we're the Scooby Doo gang, having to face Old Man Withers again - ok, maybe not... but those who've seen Scooby Doo have just empathized, see?

If we all set aside an hour of our days to catch up with old friends, I imagine the communications companies would be quite happy - but also we can leave our confining tunnels and get back to the warm smiles and dancing lights of the campfires.

Cheesy? Maybe...

I'm just trying to knock off my teacher hat - because it tries to preach solutions. I want to emphasize the importance of light hearted conversation in heavy times...

I wrote this in the summer of '92, and I hope it opens some ideas for you: "How much of our lives is just idle conversation?"

______________________________

So, Francy Headrick, a great friend of mine from 2000 on, originally wrote:

"Sometimes you just need a friend. These are some very difficult times that we are living in right now. I am doing a Friend Check-in. Showing support for one another. I want everyone to be good to each other. Reach out to your friends and family and be extra kind to the strangers you encounter, you just don't know what they have to endure. I am not much into the chain notes or the forwards but if you find yourself willing, you can use this post. Live long and Prosper."

6 Dec 2010

As far as I know, I have lost all of my phone numbers when I accidentally killed my old phone..

If you want me to have your phone number, pleeeeease send it via face-mail, or catch me in RL.

..the sync experiment doesn't seem to work.

6 Dec 2011

1313 members: I'm looking for topic-bringers for wednesdays in December - anyone got a topic they'd like to bring up to the group for discussion?

6 Dec 2012

 As of 10:23 am, today, I will be nicotine-free for three months.

Since I've been following the chip progression, I have to survive (and thrive) three months before my next announcement.

Yep. "The grass is getting greener - just don't smoke it!"

(First heard from Michael Cardone)

5 Dec 2010

 a little forewarning.. procrastination running rampant, and searching for the "one song that best describes your life" - you may see some posts in the next hour of favorite songs as I go sifting..

5 Dec 2010

 working on 3 hours of sleep.. thank God for the free soda and coffee perk!

..I will TRY not to abuse it, in the hopes of preserving some semblance of sleep tomorrow..

5 Dec 2011

 I'm not sure if I'm procrastinating, or just plain tired... Never the less, I will now try to sleep 'til 2 p.m.

Of course, the 3 cups of coffee that I've had over the last 2 hours might have their say on the matter..

30 Nov 2020

 I have been tearing myself apart, tonight - making myself believe I’m small and insignificant.

Now, more than most nights, I need higher power(s) in my life -

Validation to believe that others want me around.

I do not like the thoughts that my mind is trying to use against me.

30 Nov 2019

 There’s a part of me that wonders if I’m perceived as toxic... or just uninteresting...

And there’s a different part of me that thinks the first part likes to entertain paranoia.

30 Dec 2011

 Just noticed the "other" tab in my messages menu here.. I can see how I'm getting some of the messages from it, but not all.

I suspect it's more of a sub-category of Facebook Spam than anything useful..

4 Dec 2010

mini-plan!

shower..meditate..facebook, part two..crockett center..work..eat..sleep..

4 Dec 2013

Easy way to reset: delete Facebook account, and start from ground zero.

Unfortunately, this method may lead to "throwing babies out with the bath water", as I think there may be some gems, even originally created gems hiding in the notes and news feed.

So, I find myself contemplating setting limits instead - no more than one post and one share per day..? Instead of flying by the seat of my pants, I might actually think before I write...

4 Dec 2017

 Feeling a wave of anxiety, right now:

- Overwhelmed by my present financial insecurities...

- Scared by how heartless the U.S. Republican government seems...

- Feeling doomed to be single, because I’m not wealthy enough / tough enough...

I don’t know if they’re real thoughts, or just overblown thoughts; but my knee jerk reactions are to run away, to hurt myself, or to lash out. (Maybe this post is a feeble attempt to lash out)

...and I sit, at the doctor’s office, for a checkup, and to ask about this sudden pain in my middle finger.

3 Dec 2010

Change your FB profile picture to a cartoon from your childhood. The goal is to not see a human face on FB till Monday, December 6. Join the fight against child abuse & copy & paste to your status to invite friends to do the same.

3 Dec 2010

weeeell. i was half-joking, attempting to post 2 prayers for better personal finances, but it looks like they didn't post. probably a sign that it's not the time, eh?

maybe I should just take a vow of poverty and join a monastic order..

..or maybe I should reconnect with Tim Walker? I shared a post of his earlier this week..

3 Dec 2010

Ack! Time slipping through my fingers... might have to "adjust" the plans for the day...

3 Dec 2010

 "Boys and their toys..."

3 dec 2010

 oh.. yeah..! You might have gathered that I've had to replace my old phone - I killed the screen when I dropped it at work...

As such, I have lost *ALL* of my old contact numbers (Can't swap old SIM in)..

I'll try to add facebook to the new phone this weekend, and see if it syncs from your profiles; but, if you'd REALLY like me to have your number, please send it via face-mail.

Thanks in advance!

29 Nov 2020

 Copied from Vonda Klimaszewski, and revised for my watching patterns...

How LOW can you go? Lower than me???11

(...apparently so.)

My score is: 8/100

You never realize how much/little TV you watch until you fill out a list.

(I really do NOT make TV a priority)

Put a by the shows of which you have watched More Than 10 episodes.

1. Grey's Anatomy:

2. Stranger Things:

3. The Vampire Diaries:

4. The Walking Dead:

5. Fear The Walking Dead:

6. Dexter:

7. American Horror Story:

8. Orange is the New Black:

9. A Million Little Things:

10. This is Us:

11. The Simpsons:

12. New Amsterdam:

13. Manifest:

14. How To Get Away With Murder:

15. Breaking Bad:

16. Sons of Anarchy:

17. Scandal:

18. Riverdale:

19. The Good Doctor:

20. House of Cards:

21. Once Upon a Time:

22. House:

23. True Detective:

24. Dr. Pimple Popper:

25. Power:

26. Empire:

27. One Tree Hill:

28. Supernatural:

29. Family Guy:

30. Santa Clarita Diet:

31. Shameless:

32. Pretty Little Liars:

33. Secret Life/AmericanTeenager:

34. Bones:

35. Criminal Minds:

36. The 100:

37. Chicago Fire :

38. Chicago Med:

39. The Resident:

40. Game of Thrones:

41. The Big Bang Theory:

42. It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia:

43. Lost:

44. The Sopranos:

45. NCIS:

46. NCIS Los Angeles:

47. NCIS New Orleans:

48. Law & Order SVU:

49. Gossip Girl:

50. How I Met Your Mother:

51. Blue Bloods:

52. Two Broke Girls:

53. The Office:

54. Blacklist:

55. Full House:

56. Fuller House:

57. Downton Abbey:

58. Hawaii Five O:

59. Big Mouth:

60. Last Man Standing:

61. Six Feet Under:

62. Wentworth:

63. Friends:

64. That 70s Show:

65. Girlfriends Guide to Divorce:

66. Heartland:

67. All-American:

68. Greek:

69. Evil:

70. Better Call Saul:

71. You:

72. Rescue Me:

73. Scrubs:

74. Community:

75. Schitt’s Creek:

76. Kitchen Nightmares:

77. The Masked Singer:

78. Robot Chicken:

79. Deadly Woman:

80. Mind Hunter:

81. New Girl:

82. The Good Place:

83. Black Mirror:

83. Lucifer:

84. The Brady Bunch:

85. Undercover Boss:

86. Parks and Rec:

87. Brooklyn 99:

88. Handmaid's Tale:

89. Modern Family:

90. Smallville:

91. Seinfeld:

92. Gilmore Girls:

93. Charmed:

94. Private Practice:

95. Lost Girl:

96. True Blood:

97. Roswell:

98. Haven:

99. Mad Men:

100. Arrow:

29 Nov 2020

 Lots of folks “awake on Facebook “ at 12:45 a.m. I’m still not sure it’s a good idea to text or IM, though.

On my end, it’s not urgent - I’m just curious how their Saturdays were.

29 Nov 2018

 Ah, shucks... Akira Live sold out already... sad face.

29 Nov 2015

 Find myself fumbling. Might be best to just go home and get some sleep.

But i sooo want to play board games...

29 Nov 2013

 I was 5 seconds away from leaving, when I got asked to run the timer.

However, my mind was still so dog-piled by holiday resentments that I couldn't come up with a good share on the topic of "morning meditation and planning"...

29 Nov 2011

 I rely on my head way too much, and my heart way too little.

So, I can "clinically dissect" a reading, but have a hard time pulling in my own experience(s), as I don't have a lot of strong emotional connections to my past. Reminds me of the book, "Descarte's Error"

Trying to work on improving my physical/emotional awareness..

29 Nov 2011

 I had some sushi earlier, than pistachio ice cream later - not much of a dinner.

Anyone up for a late night trip to eat? Keep in mind that I don't have a car..

I think my phone number's listed in my Facebook contact info...?

29 Nov 2011

 I think I got over-caffeinated this evening... Guess it's time to create my own constellations, looking at my popcorn ceiling...

A recall: "So, there I was, lying in bed, looking at the stars, thinking, 'Where's my ceiling?!?'"

11

2 Dec 2009

 Cat nap coming on.. ack, Ack! Thbbt.. zzzzzzzz.

2 Dec 2012

"I'm lying, every time I speak."

Part of the idea: words, by their nature, have limits... And so they cannot capture the complete truth.

2 Dec 2012

"What's going on, Jody?"

hmm. thinking about "the stage character we present to our fellows"... here are some of the thoughts bouncing around:

- there are usually some parts of our lives that we try to keep as secrets, mostly because of shame or embarrasment - or possibly fear of negative consequences

- our words may not always match up with our actions, which can lead others to label us as hypocrites; because we'll say one thing, but then proceed to do the opposite (some times on auto pilot)

- worse yet, our minds are paradoxical, in that they can easily believe two or more contradictory beliefs simultaneously

- we can also be conditioned by society to act in certain roles, such as "men don't cry"

- we might also change our behavior from our typical behavior when we're trying to impress somebody, such as at a job interview, or when courting a person we're attracted to (or, I'm reminded of a quote I once saw on the dating sites, that "people often 'present fronts' in their profiles, like the person they'd like to be, not the person they are)

2 Dec 2012

 ...and then there was the second part, "We must be entirely honest with somebody..."

Bean's notes:

- So, when asked "how are you?", try to give an honest assessment. However, you might get some weird reactions if you're not well, and you admit this..

- The amount and type of disclosure depends partly on our "role" in the situation - i.e., employers are usually not paying us to bring our family or relationship issues into the job, or even ALL of our education and/or past experiences

- ...and partly on how much trust has been established with the people we're disclosing to - if some one has gossiped about what we've shared with them, is it prudent or wise to share our secrets with them?

- and, of course, even though Facebook connects you with many of your close friends, it's not a wise idea to use it for therapy sessions; because you really do not know who may see what you say, now or later in the future...

2 Dec 2015

 Would I blame the games?

I think of first-person shooters, and live action assassins gone awry, and how my competitive streak has taken some of those to unhealthy levels - I mean, my first hospitalizing manic episode came only one week after the heightened paranoia that surrounded assassins...

Or do we point fingers at the movies and media, where violence is glorified?

Crime, zombies, action flicks - with all their associated gun fire, and so little grief seen after words...

Then there's that whole American ideal: "the right to defend one's home" or "the right to bear arms"... which, to me, seems to say that we can justify violence as a quick and easy means of righting personal wrongs. Yet, in reality, that's just an escalating cycle of violence which quickly leads to physical harm or death of somebody involved. We cheer when it's the initial wrongdoer, and we regret when it's the victim...

What makes people choose to pull the trigger? Is it really insanity, or do they believe it's accepted by society?

I claim no answers, only some hazy theories. I'd like your (civilized) inputs...

2 Dec 2015

Vonda, Kat, Violet: I'm sure, with time, the family gingerbread house tradition could reach such epic proportions. I fondly recall the masterpieces you guys have made in the past... Maybe Kat could make a gingerbread Labyrinth one year....

2 Dec 2020

 I do not honestly believe that posting here will inspire conversations off of Facebook. I know the more direct approach would to be to call out from the house, and/or talk with the room mates.

Yet, I also feel guilty, because I think making the calls is delaying taking responsibility for the work I agreed to do.

and yet, i feel really confused about what I want to talk about. Maybe looking at statistics problems would keep my mind off of floundering romances and friendships. However, it's hard to have good conversations with a bell curve at night. It's hard to share cooking duties with a sheet full of numbers.....

1 Dec 2009

 Just re-organized his friend lists.. took away the "Austin __" categories, as there's already an "Austin, TX" group that a lot of my friends are members of - and filtering that in the updates shows posts from those friends alone (no stangers, as far as I know) Also, created a split between two friend groups, "Known in RL" and "Gaming Buddies", with just a little bit of overlap..

1 Dec 2010

 facing some indecision about my plans from 7ish to 9:30ish tonight.. probably just going to tag along and eat with "folks".

1 Dec 2010

How's it go again?

"Aim for the second star on the right, and sail on through the morning..."

...yeah, that's probably way butchered. Still, I'm less than 24 hours away from becoming just a weeeee bit more modern:

- new phone is charging...

- iTunes downloaded, account created, and ACL gift card redeemed...

...I'm just a little giddy with anticipation...

1 Dec 2017

 The dialogue in my head:

"Nobody ever calls me..."

'...well, you have to take the initiative, and call first!'

"I never get first contact emails on okcupid"

'....that's because the guys are expected to make the first move...'

it just seems like the world expects everyone to be an extrovert, always reaching out to everyone else. Or... interrupting in group conversations, if you want your ideas to be heard.

i'm not sure if that take squares with everyone else's - i'm much more interested if self-identifying introverted guys also feel like they are ignored wall flowers...

however, it just seems that way to me.

maybe i just don't have cool traits or things that other people want in their lives - like i'm discounted and discarded because "I present a weird/bizarre profile" ...like, "no common ground"?

wednesday, I was also airing that "I present a physically unattractive profile" - i'm not trying to overly groom myself or offer physical contact (like hand shakes and hugs)... or, if I get to talking, I tend not to try to maintain eye contact (I think the last may because I'm afraid of 'losing the floor' because I believe looking someone in the eye is a body language signal to allow them to speak? I don't know. maybe eye contact is just a little uncomfortable, especially when speaking to crowds?)

any way.

there's some fear underneath "physical distance", too... "I don't go out of my way to touch people, even if I think they need comforting; because of the spectre of sexual harassment that's hung over us since the 80's. If I'm not dating a person, than I'm hesitant to touch them - what I might think is innocent could be twisted off as something else, entirely, from their perspective...

i wish their were more neutral spaces in my life - I hate that school and work and the co-ops and AA and church all say to me, "this is a safe space, so excise anything that could be interpreted sexually" (Seriously. Sexual harassers fucked up safe places, so now I feel I have to be asexual there.) What's worse is that we can't really draw a clear line between a safe space and a dating zone - if I show my attraction to a co-worker, outside of work; then it'll still impact our interactions at work.

Is that what we might mean by the friend zone? no idea.

I think, myself included, there's a lot of misconceptions around dating in our society. Everyone's all looking for "The One" and quite willing to dismiss friends as possible partners (over some really trivial quibbles, part of of the time)... Then there's that whole camp who want to approach people on the basis of sexual attraction, before they even know them as individuals -

"If we're judging people solely based on their physical appearance, then are we giving them our trust or distrust foolishly?"

So.... back to the beginning...

"all this expectation that I reach out to people, all the time, kind of makes me sick. I know, that if I'm really depressed and withdrawn, I'm not likely to reach out. I'm also becoming more miserable by the minute, if nobody is trying to contact me - as the sense of being alone is only growing."

then there's a whole other thread about being dismissed by others. one week out - let's make plans followed by day of - "oh, i'm doing something else" Again... no desire to follow through on plans, on the part of the other person.... I don't know why? My company's just not valued? They've been burned by other people on dates, so now they're guarded?

It's irritating as all hell to have to rethink my plans for the night, holiday, whatever... because I was trying to reach out and include a friend in my life; and they suddenly decide to back out. (I'm trying not to mention any specific names, because I have been guilty of the same behavior, too. If you feel you must respond, I'd prefer that you do so by text message or Facebook messenger - I'm not trying to hammer out a solution in public. I'm really just wanting to express that it can be irritating if "someone presents themselves as undependable")

So....

Not everyone's built to be an extrovert...

Not everyone gives hugs and handshakes...

Not everyone is dependable, all the time...

...but, God, it can get lonely, if we cloister ourselves off, in our own little worlds.