I feel a little stumped, at times, by the question, "How are you?"
It's like a weird mixture of contentment and discontent, as my needs ARE taken care of, but my expectations of where I should be - ugh!

Some times, I find myself wondering, "Did I agree to Vows of Silence, Chastity, and Poverty in a forgotten past?"
I'm probably just not aggressive enough about achieving the things I desire.
Could also be side effects of humility, respect, and loyalty?

Drawing blanks on a "witty, original, 'happy holidays' status update"... And then my punnish side thinks, "hmmm... Maybe a mad-libs status update?"

May your (favorite holiday) be (adjective), (adjective), and (adjective), and may you enjoy it with (adverb) (adjective) (noun)!

Feel free to fill in the blanks however you want, but please share your choices in the comments below... Maybe we might get some good chuckles out of them... :D

I'm grateful that I have a good education, good friends, and good health.
I'm also grateful that I have a job, a place to live, and more freedom than most - but it's easy for me to criticize these because they fall short of my expectations...
( A lot of the time, after the fact, I find that I hate my pessimistic turns - oh, the irony of that! )
May this winter find us all comfortable with where we're at, and who we are, and blessed by unexpected good events!

rely on my head way too much, and my heart way too little.
So, I can "clinically dissect" a reading, but have a hard time pulling in my own experience(s), as I don't have a lot of strong emotional connections to my past. Reminds me of the book, "Descarte's Error"
Trying to work on improving my physical/emotional awareness...

I think I got over-caffeinated this evening... Guess it's time to create my own constellations, looking at my popcorn ceiling...
A recall: "So, there I was, lying in bed, looking at the stars, thinking, 'Where's my ceiling?!?'"

Growf..?
}:D (..add ASCII art that symbolizes fiery breath here - I'm drawing a blank ___ )
-----------
Many a teenage afternoon spent eagerly flipping to the back of Dragon, to read that month's "What's New?" by Phil Foglio. I think I still have the 2-volume set of the collected strips..

My mind's in a bad f'in head space. I feel invisible, unappreciated, and useless...
Just an hour ago, I felt alone in a room of crowded people. To illustrate, nobody talked with me and nobody sat next to me until it was the only chair left in the room.
Hopelessness sucks, and I'm still puzzled what purpose I'm supposed to fulfill that brought me back from the brink of death in october of '98.
Sorry to be a downer, but I probably wouldn't be able to sleep tonight if I didn't get this out of my head. I plan on waking up at 8 a.m.

(SSSU - 7/9/2011)

SSSU: I tried to sleep today, but visions of marauding armies danced through my head, cutting away at my calm like scissors in the hand of a 4-year-old..

(SSSU - 7/2/2011)

SSSU: Clouds are exploding before my eyes, whether they be frantic thoughts racing inside, or fire's children on the outside... some times, I do not know, but rather just stand in fear and wonder?

(SSSU - 6/25/11)

hmmf... not much time left, sooo....

SSSU: {}

(SSSU - 6/18/11)

SSSU: I am a string of MOMENTS, trapped in crawling time, shared with strangers. My progress is marked by a woman's voice, my destination can be familiar or unknown, depending on the planned conclusion. Only rarely do you remember the time spent inside of me, though you may recall the manners by which you entertained your solitude.

What am I?

(SSSU - 6/11/11)

SSSU: automatic writing Judy tapping away arc the keyboard vut realign sure what parts of my thoughts will get auto-corrected correct... I'm tired so I'm not sure if I'm thinking profoundly - "oh, well. :| " (nap first, 2nd attempt later)

(SSSU - 6/11/11)

SSSU: Life can be a gay parade, alternating between bulbous-nosed clowns with obnoxious horns emitting noxious fumes, and a funeral procession, following the coffin carrying our dashed dreams on the backs of somber men, sobered by the loss...

streaming thoughts

Word association- seed: diversity...

Spectrum. Light. Air. One syllables. Multiple words, same basic meaning. Multiple worlds, timelines. Losing first thoughts. Nuances. The traits we love, the traits we hate. Self-image. Usually differs from others' perspective...
...just a status experiment?

(SSSU - 5/28/11)

SSSU: searching for inspiration, I see an open house sign, feel a cool summer breeze, hear Pat Benator singing "I am a warrior", and taste salt... But I've got nothing... And no characters left, to boot... Ponder?

(SSSU - 5/21/11)

SSSU: Semi-random words are dancing frantically before my brain's eye, only to be laid to rest in a grave of electron clouds, much like ex-mobsters who suddenly find themselves fitted with a pair of concrete shoes...

(SSSU - 5/14/11)

SSSU: "Avoid explanation, and practice extrication. However, be wary of using a crowbar, when a jeweler's screwdrivers may be optimum. Sometimes we have to lure the motley moths away, before we can uncover the smothered, yet scintillating butterflies."

(SSSU - 5/7/11)

SSSU: The minute eluded my grasp, dissipating like vapors in a fog, leaving me guessing at the tiny details shuffling about like ants around a cockroach's corpse. "A tick on a watch, a la Dali?"

"bed bath"..."& beyond"

SSSU: "bed bath" - waking up, shivering, in a pool of your old sweat on a hot summer's night - "& beyond" - ...and wondering how one can drown out this dreary doldrum with dreams delightful and deluge-ional

(SSSU - 4/23/11)

(SSSU) -> papers fluttered on the wall, disturbed by the passing thoughts.. no peace was to be found in that room, on that night, en route to Belgium?

Movie Monday: Convento - SXSW 2011 Accepted Film

Movie Monday: "Convento" ...showed at SXSW 2011...interesting score...trailers and synopses don't do it justice, imho...has a lot to say about sustainability/recycline, maybe?

if it makes it into distribution, I'd recommend that you see it. :)

Movie Monday, pt.1: Kumare Movie Teaser

Saw this movie Sunday at 3 p.m. as part of SXSW Film.

It raised a couple of questions for me about the people who seek leadership from others of from processes for their lives, and there's a great line in it about the difference between tools and symbols... on the critical side, I felt it stayed a bit ...too long focused on the impersonation, and didn't tease out people's reactions after the "unveiling".

Personally, I think it will get a wider release, so you may want to wait on this one, and catch some of the other SXSW, or off-SXSW, events instead.

RSA Animate - Changing Education Paradigms

12 minute video, found via my sister... quite awesome, imho, and gets you thinking about several issues surrounding our out-dated education system.

Tune Tuesday: Leonard Cohen - "Hallelujah"

OK.. looks like Queen got "embedding disabled".. so, here's an alternate offering for Tune Tuesday. I'd probably have a much easier time singing this than "Somebody to Love" any ways..

Tune Tuesday: Queen- "Somebody to Love"

always liked this song, and it was the first thing playing on Pandora when I sat down to the computer. Certainly goes along with my lonely heart pining this year. Enjoy! :)

Movie Monday: "Nougat"

Movie Monday: Nougat.

Oh, yeaaah...! First saw this at a Spike and Mike's Sick and Twisted Festival of Animation, like 10 years ago, and I still remember the awesome belly laugh... :)

Clamoring to Be Heard

"God, grant that I may seek rather to . . . understand, than to be understood . . ."

...a billion voices all wanting to be heard, but forgetting to take the time to listen - myself, included... and the one voice I tune out the most is my own - so unaware, at times, of what I'm saying...

Carmina Burana [ O Fortuna ～ Fortune plango vulnera ]

Tune Tuesday's upon us... This song has always struck me as epic.

...and now, I guess I have an image to go along with it. Have yet to see this particular opera, but looks kind of interesting...

How Lord of The Rings Should Have Ended

Will this be my Movie Monday this week? Seems like there's a string of these "How...should have ended" videos on youtube...

O.. K..
..aaaand I'm awake.
mini day plan? meeting.. tax filing.. job search preparation, i.e. dust off the resume.. eat somethin'.
let's throw in a dash of meditation, and just go with the flow from there?

"Do you have any hobbies?"

"Do you have any hobbies?", Dominique asked me, tonight..



"Wouldn't mind getting back into acting," I replied.



Digging a little deeper, I voiced some interest in drawing, and maybe a sport like volleyball.. soccer.. hiking.. biking.. I also mentioned that I've thought about dance classes, but I'm a little put off by 'limited funds'. I was also sharing some pictures I have of art that I did in high school, but... that was, what, 20 years ago? I think this all got sparked by talking about our days, today, as I had mentioned too much time spent playing Pocket Frogs on my phone.



So, I have a collection of interests I've gathered over the years, and it seems that there's a thick layer of dust settling upon them. Part of me wants to blame lack of transportation, as I'm relying on the buses - even though I have a perfectly functional bicycle. Part of me wants to blame lack of finances, as I've been living from paycheck to paycheck for YEARS, now. ...and then there's the observation that the addict, or maybe bipolar, mind rears up, focusing all of my energy on one thing, leaving no time for the others.



I admire Len, as he seems to have a career where he can practice his art. I think that, ideally, we should all have careers where we get to explore our hobbies and interests, where we actually enjoy the labor we get paid to do. Out of the long laundry list of careers I've had, I would have to say I most enjoyed being a newspaper reporter/photographer for the local newspaper in my home town and tutoring college mathematics. There's an element of social interaction in both, but there's also some creative work in writing articles and some intellectual challenge in trying to find a mathematical explanation that's easily grasped by the struggling student. Also, with teaching, there's definitely a creative element in finding a good presentation of the material, although I'm a little wary of my ability to do so, based on past 'guffaws'. Thinking towards the next few months, I'm considering a career change, but I'd like to be a little more selective in my search, looking for careers that could give some vent to my creativity, whether that be teaching, or writing, or drawing, or . . .



So, "What are my hobbies?"



Can I gain some insight, based on past experiences, like from my high school activities, or collegiate pursuits? Anyone who knew me back then knows that I did lots of stuff. During high school, I was active in drama, in math and science contests, in choir... and that was when I wrote for the paper - a job I got because I did an awesome job reporting for the Math Club while I was their secretary. Also, my family knows that I read quite a bit, and had a fondness for computer games. Moving on to college, I dabbled a little more in acting, attended quite a lot of independent films and Performing Arts Center events, and spent a bit of time volunteering in the community. John could attest, too, to the continuing infatuation with all sorts of games.



I'm not too sure if that gives a complete picture of my past pursuits, or, especially, how much time was often devoted to them. As I hinted earlier, it's real easy for an activity to dominate my schedule if I enjoy doing it, with hours of each day spent in that arena.



Part of me feels like I'm drifting into my okcupid profile in what follows, but I'll go ahead and sketch what I find interesting (in no particular order, just what's coming to mind, first). I'm thinking aloud, too, wondering about a good career fit for these interests:



- I love attending movies and plays, and, to a lesser degree, live music. Perhaps I could be a critic?

- I've been known to act, and even sing, and people like to tell me "You sound like a radio announcer."

- I enjoy reading, but dislike the time investment that could require. Is that an editor?

- Athletically? I like to hike, or bike, or run long-distance... but not too sure if there's a good payoff besides better physical health.

- I'm kind of interested in learning how to dance better - Marissa (I think) once suggested I look into Body Choir after seeing me dance. Eh. Maybe. ..or maybe Flamenco, 'cause that seems like a style I drift towards. ..or maybe Ballroom, but I think that's motivated by a pining heart?

- I'm an avid fan of all sorts of games.. I think they appeal to my mathematical/logical mind, while still having some social context, too. Perhaps some sort of modeling/simulation career could tie in to that? ..or maybe a career in game design or game testing?

- I enjoy writing, and several people in the past have complimented me on my writing ability. What's kind of crazy is that almost all of my writing to date has usually been a first draft with minimal editing. Well, I should say, "editing while writing".. This is one reason I've been trying to revive my blog, and one reason why I feel most comfortable talking to people via email. Although, I'm decent at carrying on a conversation, one-on-one - just gets a lot harder in groups.

- I'm pretty good at drawing, too, although I need to work at my skills of drawing from live subjects (instead of pictures, or graphic design)



Not much else is jumping to mind as relates to particular pursuits. Currently, I think I'm spending a lot of time on the computer, divided between games, social networking, and writing. If I'm not at home, I'm probably at work, or at a meeting, or in transit. I'd like to get to the point where I have a better career, better suited to my interests, and with much more disposable income... but I know that's going to take some legwork on my part. Because I have to tend to that legwork, I'm much less likely to have some time to devote to the hobbies. I don't know - it just seems like this vicious cycle right now, but I believe there's a much better life available if I just "DO the Work".

Today I stand with the teachers, support staff, administrators and school boards of Texas who are fighting for the education of children in Texas. To the Texas Legislature I say: MAKE EDUCATION A PRIORITY. I hope you will change this to your status for the rest of the day.

Tune Tuesday: "Music of the Night" from "Phantom of the Opera"

I have a soft spot for film scores and musicals... something about the associated spectacle. I used to have a shirt that my mom got for me, when she saw the London showing of Phantom, and it had what is still one of my favorite lines from this song: "Open up your mind, Let your fantasies unwind..."

I don't remember the exact details, but somehow that shirt got traded to a Rocky cast member during one of the after-shows for that 'spectacle'. *Sigh* The foolishness of my youth.

Offering this up as a second favorite for Tune Tuesday - keeping with the film score focus theme... hope it's not embedding-disabled.

Tune Tuesday: Vangelis - conquest of paradise

Tune Tuesday! I first heard this song a couple of months ago, and its grown on me a bit.. just seems to have an epic spirit to it with the choral lines? Definitely makes me want to go out and see the film, now...

Movie Monday: A Clockwork Orange/ "the becoming of". (Stanley Kubrick)

hmm. interesting, in a sort of lo-res fashion... I'd rather post scenes from the original movie, especially the ones with Beethoven's 9th playing in the background, but, 'alas! video embedding disabled' - I'll go ahead and keep this post up, even if it is embedding-disabled...

Oh, yeah! So, my offering for Movie Monday this week is for "A Clockwork Orange", and this is 'someone else's synopsis'.

Couldn't get to sleep this morning... think it's cause I'm beset by allergies to something in the air, usually triggered by temperature change.
"Every Fall and Spring, my nose becomes this drippy thing.."

woke up this morning, thinking that a government teacher had put an essay question on his test, asking me to write a song about the law-making process, modeled off of Elvis' "You Ain't Nothing But a Hound Dog"...
The places my dreams can take me - I really should attempt to dream journal more, just to see if I can uncover and share some of them more interesting gems I have...

Tune Tuesday: Pink Floyd - "Bike" animated video

..heh! "..fast-paced borrowing action.."

..anyway, this was yet another fun song in my teens, and it's entirely possible I've posted it before, but - 'eh.' "You're the kind of girl..." could fit in with the VD theme, tonight, no?

Tune Tuesday: Axel the Sot ~ "The Moose Song" ~ (Moose Lust, Is It Wrong?)

...just one of several variations I've heard of this song, first heard through my involvement with the Texas Union's Madrigal Dinner. One verse, I particularly like:

"The people of old, they had their icons -
The Greeks, The Romans, The Aaa-ma-zons.
..But, get away - God, Buddha, Allah, and Zeus -
I'll get down on my knees for a moose!"

..posting this early, to continue the VD trend..

Movie Monday: "Rocky Horror Picture Show", trailer 2

...ah, yes, and then I got corrupted by a summer of Rocky, in '91. Watching just this trailer, I recalled comment after comment after comment...

Another post for VD..

Movie Monday: "The Princess Bride", Fan Trailer

Another favorite from my teens, posted here as my hand-waving towards that whole VD experience we're in.. :P

Movie Monday: "Harold and Maude" - dating service application scene

"'Do you have ups and downs without obvious reasons?' ..oh, yes, that's you, Harold!"

...if I ever choose to try another foray into online dating, I'd be approaching it much like Harold in this scene...

(Movie Monday: "Harold and Maude" - a favorite film of my teen years :) )

I'm at a loss for... uh...

Ah, the quandary...
How shall I spend this evening? 't would be nice if I had some spare funds - I'd probably catch Tron finally, or maybe go check out some other film (mm. guess there's youtube... :S )
...thinking I'll start off with an hour of 3 minute monologues, and just go with the flow from there...

"You're one with Odin, my son.."
'What? I'm going to poke my eye out, or something?'

Insanity Lessons: Be Aware of Your Sensory Input

One of the things I've come to learn is that my environment Can affect my mood. 

For example, playing classical music or jazz or just something familiar can be much more comforting and calming then, say, playing Death Metal or - shudder - Talk Radio.  Of course, those are my personal preferences, and yours are likely to differ.  I think I might be the rare person who can appreciate both Phillip Glass and The Pogues.  You may also think of this as, "There's music to dance to, music to study by, and music to ease you into sleep."

This idea is not just limited to background music, though.  The temperature of the room, the lighting, the arrangement of the furniture, the presence or lack of clutter...  anything our senses key in on - they will, and that feeds back into our brain's processing and thinking.  One of the effective Buddhist meditation practices, in my humble opinion, is to sit, looking at a  blank wall - as that really keeps you from being distracted by visual input, like the other people in your Sangha.  Also, it's a lot easier to meditate when the background noises are minimal. 

So, I find I like to arrange my environment, when I can, mostly to reduce stress, but also to nudge my thoughts a little in the direction I want to go. 

I call this an "Insanity Lesson" because it's one of those ideas I picked up in the midst of a major mania.  Locked up in the PICU of Shoal Creek in '96, I noticed the difference in the behavior of our angry patient when we changed the radio station in the day room.

The Nightmare Before Christmas-Town Meeting Song (Movie Monday / Tune Tuesday)

My attempt to revive a tradition from my Yahoo 360 days - this fits a contribution for Movie Monday, and Tune Tuesday, eh? ;)

...one of the joys of my new smartphone is playing Pandora on the filmscores station, seeded with Danny Elfman...

"Pecking..." (Stream of consciousness, 2/5/11 - reformatted to poem 2/5/17..?)

Tap. Tap. Tap...

(silence)

"mrr mrr mrr... Hah!"

Rattatat tat! Tat!...

...sounding like a machine gun,
his fingers flew over the keyboard,
as he gave words
to his divine inspiration,
riding it like a Florida surfer...

Sentence after sentence flowed on to the screen...

...and then, 20 minutes later,
the thoughts slowed to a trickle,
to a "Tap. Tap. Tap...."

...and stopped, again.

Some would say,
"A wise man would pause here,
and review what's been written,
tweaking it ever so slightly
to add fluidity
to those awkward phrasings -
all a 'Head Fake' to try to reconnect with the Muse."

However, he was determined to get a chapter written tonight,
and would plow forward,
adding gristle to the editing mill planned for the morrow,
just hoping beyond hope
he could meet his editor's impending deadline.

He didn't care that what he wrote was disjointed -
not well connected at all,
and laying the seed for tons of weeds around that mill.

So, he pecked at the keyboard,
like a pigeon looking for
kernals of truth in a barren field.

Were the similes and metaphors evocative enough?

Only time will tell...

What can I write about? 

To me, it seems I should stick to my own experiences and areas of expertise, for the most part.  This is a little difficult, because an original thought is hard to come by, these days.  Also, I am hardly an expert in most areas of life, mostly because I choose to forgo TV and newspapers and web surfing, and all those other media outlets, preferring to rely on the collective experience of  my friends.

There's a great book I read, once, for a class at UT-Austin.  I think it's titled Information Anxiety by Richard Saul Wurman?  It speaks volumes to the pitfalls of being a news junkie...

Now, I could also post links to videos and music that I enjoy, or internet references back to "authoritative" opinions, but, if I do so, I must follow the Reporters' Creed and remember attribution.

I imagine that I will be prone to indulge in some creative writing, too, just because I like to play with words.  If I get really creative, I might do some graphic art, too, either with pen and paper or with mouse and media program - we'll just have to see if that materializes somehow in my schedule.

So, I would claim to be an expert in mathematics, and fairly competent in the sciences - these are the fields I'm most likely to break my media ban for.  I like to think a bit about psychology and social dynamics and such, but, there, I am not well-read... doesn't mean I won't write about them, just that you should take what I say with a grain of salt.

Beyond that?  ...drawing blanks.  So, you probably shouldn't check in here if you're looking for auto repair -

OH, oh..  it could be cool to share some interesting recipes, cool entertainment...  yeeeaaaah...  I do have a small passion for games, so that might crop up from time to time, too.  Besides, games and mathematics are closely related...

If you think about it, mathematics is a foundation for a lot of stuff - probably the reason why language and mathematics are considered the core of an education.  Wasn't it the German mathematician Gauss who said:

Mathematics is the queen of the sciences, and arithmetic is the queen of mathematics.

Now, I should mention, "I don't study mathematics for the calculation.  My enjoyment of the subject is much more rooted in the logic, deduction, and proof.  An elegant proof has an artistic beauty to it."

Well, it's looking like my house mates are about to sit down to it, so I'm going to post this now, and come back to the blog later...

A little goal setting, for the blogging?

Several weeks have passed now, since last I wrote something here. Now, the plan was to write once a week, and I even mentioned reviving Movie Monday and Tune Tuesday in the last post...

Life just gets busy and/or distracting. Sigh

I work nights, and I have Mondays and Wednesdays off. There's not a lot I can do in Austin proper in those early morning hours of those nights off..

So, considering my current schedule, I am going to set a goal:

I will try to post at least one blog entry by 7 a.m., Wednesday, of each week.

So, I was lying in bed this morning, thinking, "Why doesn't anyone take an interest in my life?"
Then, I thought, "Maybe I have some unrealistic expectations on what that interest would look like...."
...and, THEN I THOUGHT, "Duh. It's a rare moment, indeed, that I'm taking an interest in other's lives."
'To cultivate compassion, one must practice compassion.' - Dalai Lama, paraphrased

just reviewed his profile wall, and especially the last month or so of status updates.
"Interesting... start seeing some common themes that bring clarity to others' comments on the more recent stuff..."
Have you considering reviewing your wall lately?

I will now attempt to get one hour of sleep. Hopefully, there may be room for more this evening....
Aaaahhh.. I'm such a fan of Lord Morpheus...

I have heard, "Still waters run deep."
...however, another part of me is beginning to wonder if "Still waters beget stagnation"...
...I suppose the crux of the difference is the presence or absence of a purpose in one's (e.g. "my") life.

some time around 3, this morning, the winter whipper-snapper wound its way into south austin... having a cigarette, half a hour later, I thought, "yeppers.. it's gotten cold, quick!"
-------
It looks like the high today will be 33 degrees centigrade (~mid to high 80's fahrenheight), with a chance for rain... in Sydney, that is..
-------
now, once again, I shall take a stab at getting some sleep. Hoping that 3 blankets on the bed and pajamas keep me warm...

"I lost some time once. It's always in the last place you look for it." - Neil Gaiman

"I lost some time once. It's always in the last place you look for it"
- Neil Gaiman

pulls a sheet of paper from the paper and hands it to you..
"My latest work of art. I call it 'The Void'!"
(...can't think of anything interesting going on in RL, as of this moment... )

In an attempt to maintain a more regular daily schedule, I shall now attempt to stay up 'til 4ish. This is probably a great time to do some "journaling", so maybe a blog entry and/or note will materialize before dawn...

Yeah.... I should sit down and plan my day, 'lest I waste the hours away...

Two years later...

...I pick up the duster, and start dusting off the cobwebs on this blog.

I'm not sure how much of the old material will survive this blog's revival, partly because I don't know how much time I want to invest in reviewing the old stuff, as that sacrifices time I could spend in creating stuff, or following my other pursuits. Even though some of what I've posted in the past (and possibly in the future) is... the insane ramblings of a bipolar mind?... I'm tempted to leave it alone, just to have snapshots that can measure how I'm progressing in this grand blog experiment.

So, two years have passed since I last blogged here. In the first year, I found myself employed by the state of Texas, processing Food Stamp and Children's Medicaid applications; it was a fair job, but I don't think clerical work suits my personality well, based on the frustrations I developed there and in previous clerical work. The second year has found me working overnights at a 7-Eleven again; that's not too stressful of a job, but it's also not too rewarding of a job either. So, with work, I'm sticking with 7-Eleven, but I'm looking into other careers in my spare time, to see if I could find a better match for my strengths and weaknesses. I'm considering teaching - ideally, a hard science like physics, chemistry, or computer science, or, alternatively, exploring a social science - although I'm a little worried that teaching may be a little too stressful for my bipolar brain. Out of all the jobs I've held in the past, I've most enjoyed tutoring; I just wish I could find a way to turn that into a stable work schedule and income instead of the seasonal highs and lows in demand tied to students' exam schedules.

Over all of these two years, I've been single. Unfortunately, I've also been yearning to start a romantic relationship; and that's usually a sure-fire recipe for NOT getting one. Now, granted, living in a sober house makes it all the more difficult to invite a lady over for company. I'm not too set on moving out of the sober house, though, even with its parade of housemates, as it's fairly competitive rent, given all the amenities - free internet, all bills paid, cleaning and coffee supplies... I think a future post may explore romantic relationships, and my seeming inability to have them; some times, I think I don't let myself flirt, and, other times, I don't think I seek environments where I feel it's safe to flirt (not work, and not recovery...)

I've stayed sober over the last 2 years... actually, over the last 5 1/2 years. I'm fairly active in the recovery community, mostly at the local community/group level. Of course, mentioning that here, where anyone can see it, breaks the anonymity of Tradition Eleven - so, I'll just stop that thread, even though it's a pretty big part of my daily activities these days.

So.. talked a little about finances and romances, or, maybe, the lack of either. Not much else has been going on. I'd like to get back into school, to shore up my scientific knowledge. I'd like to get out to see more entertainment, but funds are limited. I'd like to do some self-improvement, via returning to a meditation practice, quitting smoking, enrolling in a gym, and maybe even adopting a healthier diet. Financing aside, I think that time is a more precious commodity, and I'm thinking I need to be more careful about how I use it.

Oh, yeah.. there were a couple of periods over the last two years where I got heavily involved in Facebook gaming apps - "free" entertainment, but great vortices of time destruction. I'm trying to be good, and not get sucked back in to those. In a larger picture, I find a lot of my free time is spent on the computer, as I pretty much don't like to watch TV, and I don't like to wander around outdoors.

I'm thinking I've done a fair shot at a revival post. The challenge, now, is to consistently post over the weeks and months ahead. I may revive the Movie Monday and Tune Tuesday themes, although that, too, can be a bit of a time vortex, just searching for, and reviewing, the videos before they're posted.

If you've read this far, I hope I haven't bored you to tears, and I'd welcome any comments you have on the direction you would like for me to go with this blog...

It's strange.
There have been several times in my past (see comments), when speaking in front of a crowd, where my speech will go supersonic fast, I break out in a sweat... it just seems like my nerves rebel on me.
..it does give me pause to think, "Do I really fit well with teaching, considering my past 'performance anxiety'?"

Fiddling with photo uploading, captioning, collecting... kind of annoying that the captions don't stick with the photo if you choose to make it a profile pic. I think I'll take a break from this pursuit, and catch a cat nap..

Gaiman's New Year Blessing

As Neil Gaiman says, in his blog: "May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself."

"Fantasies Unwind"

Sow the seeds of hope and whimsy in my mind,
Now, let the fantastical slowly unwind,
Go to bed, thinking, "Strange dreams, may I now find."

This is my update. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My update is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I master my life. My update, without me, is useless. Without my update, I am useless. I must share my update true. I must update more often than my enemy who is trying to update quicker than me. I must share more often than him before he shares before me. I will....

eat in, or eat out? do I spend the time, or do I spend the money?

I know I should set aside more of my time for writing. I know it, but that does not mean I'm quite willing to do it. *SIGH*

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