Events unfold, and I, an innocent child, watch in wonder...
Not afraid of the downpours, lightning and thunder.
Until the sharp, sudden pain
Stabbing again and again,
Unravelling I, quite insane.
Is there some lesson there? Some attempts to be clever, to rhyme, to unwind?
As the piano crashes through the bass register,
And the drum cymbals clash and clang,
And the sounds stomp around my brain:
Left ear, Right ear, Stereo...
Perhaps all just experimental noise,
Challenging our notions of what songs need be,
Or creating some symphonic story.
Screeches and screams pulled from guitars
And then silence, and possibly bowing of violins.
I rather enjoy Ummagumma,
Especially with headphones on -
One of my favorite effects songs from the Floyd,
Planted there as a teen,
Listening to my brother's stereo:
"Several Species of Small Furry Animals
Gathered Together in a Cave,
Grooving With a Pict"
Is the stage set yet?
I want to be innocence,
I do not like pain -
However, some pains are hidden
By their slow onset,
Endured way past the boundary of pleasure;
Remember that suffering comes from attachment and desire -
That our aversions and attractions both
Make life uneasy and difficult...
I do not want elation;
I want serenity and peace -
To feel neutral towards all,
And unbiased in my observations,
Uncolored by incomplete judgements.
"Granchester Meadow" now plays,
Gently soothing, like some folk song.
I do not know if the vocals
Are really innocent,
or are they hiding some unknown protests?
The bird song plays out,
Yet I think it may be showing off
Subtle guitar and synth tricks...
After writing all of the above,
I wonder if I've written anything to love?
Or am I a blathering village idiot,
Devoid of wise insight
Because I have avoided pains,
Sharp sudden and stabbing,
Or long, drawn-out, slowly dawning...?
And the fly gets smacked!
Queue the small furry animals!
Chipmunks beating out a crazy rhythm,
Chirping and chattering and
"Hum-bah-ha-whee!!"
A Pause While I recollect
Fond memories of starfleet battles across the hall,
As my brother's reconfigured SR-71 Blackbird,
With hidden hanger bay and moving cannons
Stands as a testament to his remodeling skills...
Ah, the chipmunk trumpets begin,
The Pict is eminent....
Echoed by a squirrel -
That I think is his incoherent speech
Sped up on a doubling loop...
"Ironic Plaaaaague!!!"
"And the Wind Cried Mary."
Have you read all the way to this part, now?
I've been mostly trying to describe an album to you,
Occassionally sneaking in references to other sides of life, too...
I do not know if I've done either justice.
I'm awake.
...and I crave.
Some easy conversation, yes...
Some connection to greater whole...
Shared experiences of lives before Facebook.
...or maybe I'm just throwing words out,
Cranking the poetic wheel, hoping beyond hope that
When the dust settles, truths will remain here, still.
29 September 2016
28 September 2016
writer's block
Hearing the drum roll as Brubek's "Take Five" album begins, I feel stumped again. Not sure what I want to write about. Having posted Hughes' "Theme for English B" earlier; I am reminded there's a bit of me in what I write, and - some times - a piece of you that I'm trying to appeal to...
just like fumbled, mumbled conversations, without a focus or topic. Ah! Small Talk! "How much of our lives is just idle conversation?" If there's to be no rules, need I try to impose rules to guide my brain, to put up some walls in my not-so-little fort...
Will I let myself be naked? ..vulnerable?
Or do I avoid topics, to prevent getting hurt?
...and what happens when a braver soul than I chooses to go there? Do I take the bait, or offer, instead, awkward silence?
Small talk can be neutral. Or it can swing it's barbed whips at a third party not present. Perhaps this is why celebrity gossip is so prevalent, as it could allow us to talk about our own struggles, through the lens of the public eye.
If I have NO interest or experience, I might give you a blank stare. Then again, if your enthusiasm, disgust, or other emotions are laced through your talk, I might emathize, and embrace your emotions as my own, and - tutor hat comes on - I might milk you for all I can about the topic, as the first steps towards building common knowledge and experience.
Examples?
Sex seems touchy... excuse te pun... Really, if it's even slightly deviant from some mythical gold standard of normal sex, my mind wants to steer away from the topic (especially if I have experience in those deviations) ...there needs to be a level of trust, that I won't be mocked; and, yet, triggers be damned! I might well need to be knocked or admonished, if some harm is part of those twists and turns. Of course, I don't want to get into specifics and details, because I do not trust the Facebook audience yet...
Feeling woefully ignorant abot politics and national news items. Feeling afraid to debate them online, or even in person; because I might show myself to be uninformed. Or, maybe I don't want to invest energy in informing others, in stemming perceived ignorance - because I don't want to hurt someone's feelings.
Gods be damned, though! We may be digging our own graves by passively allowing injustice to propogate, by turning a blind eye because we don't want to face the savagery of our fellows, or ourselves!
Like, letting business have lax regulation, leading to poisoned water supplies and earthquakes in new places and global warming cooking us in our filth....
My laundry alarm has gone off. I must away to get it put away.
(Perhaps more soon...)
just like fumbled, mumbled conversations, without a focus or topic. Ah! Small Talk! "How much of our lives is just idle conversation?" If there's to be no rules, need I try to impose rules to guide my brain, to put up some walls in my not-so-little fort...
Will I let myself be naked? ..vulnerable?
Or do I avoid topics, to prevent getting hurt?
...and what happens when a braver soul than I chooses to go there? Do I take the bait, or offer, instead, awkward silence?
Small talk can be neutral. Or it can swing it's barbed whips at a third party not present. Perhaps this is why celebrity gossip is so prevalent, as it could allow us to talk about our own struggles, through the lens of the public eye.
If I have NO interest or experience, I might give you a blank stare. Then again, if your enthusiasm, disgust, or other emotions are laced through your talk, I might emathize, and embrace your emotions as my own, and - tutor hat comes on - I might milk you for all I can about the topic, as the first steps towards building common knowledge and experience.
Examples?
Sex seems touchy... excuse te pun... Really, if it's even slightly deviant from some mythical gold standard of normal sex, my mind wants to steer away from the topic (especially if I have experience in those deviations) ...there needs to be a level of trust, that I won't be mocked; and, yet, triggers be damned! I might well need to be knocked or admonished, if some harm is part of those twists and turns. Of course, I don't want to get into specifics and details, because I do not trust the Facebook audience yet...
Feeling woefully ignorant abot politics and national news items. Feeling afraid to debate them online, or even in person; because I might show myself to be uninformed. Or, maybe I don't want to invest energy in informing others, in stemming perceived ignorance - because I don't want to hurt someone's feelings.
Gods be damned, though! We may be digging our own graves by passively allowing injustice to propogate, by turning a blind eye because we don't want to face the savagery of our fellows, or ourselves!
Like, letting business have lax regulation, leading to poisoned water supplies and earthquakes in new places and global warming cooking us in our filth....
My laundry alarm has gone off. I must away to get it put away.
(Perhaps more soon...)
27 September 2016
lamenting the wastes of time...
what is important? ..necessary? ..kind?
There's a mountain of mail, I shoul hop in the shower soon, my physical therapy exercises gather dust - neglected.
I'm engaged in email exchanges; although I worry that chemistry will be my downfall, once again. that, or the stinging bite of poverty.
Looking for topics of conversation, when I don't keep up with news, or hobbies, or learning, or reading.
Stripped down to a naked guru, perhaps - is he really at peace in seclusion on the mountaintop? Or just become a wild animal, struggling to survive, stay fed and sheltered?
Crushing weight of a thousand paper cuts, deafened by collectors calling.
current music, if anyone's keeping track: "The Book of Eli" original soundtrack. First song first found on Spotify, then album amd artist recommended by a customer.
Fear grips me, when I speak, that I am no longer well-informed. No book smarts, no street smarts...
I keep hitting snooze when the alarms go off. I do not want to come back through the gates of horn and ivory - apathy here, not sure if that's the correct image Gaiman used for the entrance to Dreamlands but I don't want to fact-check it.
Why check facts when fantasy is so appealing? Why face the tedium of this modern life - so little satisfaction remains? Why wake, when I can wish?
Part of me wants to escape, to follow the call of the peace call, to just say "Fuck it All!!" and get out of the country, quickly. Part of me throws up his hands at the bill collectors and renewals and wishes for a sweet, hand-written letter from ladies I used to correspond with. Part of me grows bitter as the loves grow old, and they carve that pound of flesh from my still beating breast with knives or ice barbed with dead roses' thorns.
ok, maybe a little melodramatic, there. :)
Now, i chuckle... ah, irish proverb: "Nothing that a long nap, a good laugh, and a full meal can't fix" is probably misquoted but still holds some simple truths. My humor can be dark and twisted or light-hearted, we never know which wolf it may be feeding...
What is important? ..necessary? ..kind?
What am I doing with my life, and what can I be doing instead? Do I start the chase for another career, when time is so short? What am I not doing that needs to be done? How is my maintenance breaking down? How is my growth stunted? How are my true hobbies neglected? What can I do with this mountain of writing that I'm accumulating?
You see, money is easy to budget, if you're willing to sacrifice or struggle. Time, though, is a precious commodity, easily wasted and never regained. How many years have built up, with nothing of value retained?
Eh. time to shower. "All these memories lost, like tear drops in the rain..."
There's a mountain of mail, I shoul hop in the shower soon, my physical therapy exercises gather dust - neglected.
I'm engaged in email exchanges; although I worry that chemistry will be my downfall, once again. that, or the stinging bite of poverty.
Looking for topics of conversation, when I don't keep up with news, or hobbies, or learning, or reading.
Stripped down to a naked guru, perhaps - is he really at peace in seclusion on the mountaintop? Or just become a wild animal, struggling to survive, stay fed and sheltered?
Crushing weight of a thousand paper cuts, deafened by collectors calling.
current music, if anyone's keeping track: "The Book of Eli" original soundtrack. First song first found on Spotify, then album amd artist recommended by a customer.
Fear grips me, when I speak, that I am no longer well-informed. No book smarts, no street smarts...
I keep hitting snooze when the alarms go off. I do not want to come back through the gates of horn and ivory - apathy here, not sure if that's the correct image Gaiman used for the entrance to Dreamlands but I don't want to fact-check it.
Why check facts when fantasy is so appealing? Why face the tedium of this modern life - so little satisfaction remains? Why wake, when I can wish?
Part of me wants to escape, to follow the call of the peace call, to just say "Fuck it All!!" and get out of the country, quickly. Part of me throws up his hands at the bill collectors and renewals and wishes for a sweet, hand-written letter from ladies I used to correspond with. Part of me grows bitter as the loves grow old, and they carve that pound of flesh from my still beating breast with knives or ice barbed with dead roses' thorns.
ok, maybe a little melodramatic, there. :)
Now, i chuckle... ah, irish proverb: "Nothing that a long nap, a good laugh, and a full meal can't fix" is probably misquoted but still holds some simple truths. My humor can be dark and twisted or light-hearted, we never know which wolf it may be feeding...
What is important? ..necessary? ..kind?
What am I doing with my life, and what can I be doing instead? Do I start the chase for another career, when time is so short? What am I not doing that needs to be done? How is my maintenance breaking down? How is my growth stunted? How are my true hobbies neglected? What can I do with this mountain of writing that I'm accumulating?
You see, money is easy to budget, if you're willing to sacrifice or struggle. Time, though, is a precious commodity, easily wasted and never regained. How many years have built up, with nothing of value retained?
Eh. time to shower. "All these memories lost, like tear drops in the rain..."
26 September 2016
This is me, writing while "The Fellowship of the Ring" soundtrack plays on my headphones...
From an epic battle, to an elven sanctuary, I wonder what fires I need to put out, and then I'm reminded of that song from "The Hobbit", too... dwarves chanting about long-forgotten gold, in a key I can sing in.
Like Leonard Cohen and possibly Pink Floyd - melody in the bass line?
I watched "The Empire Strikes Back" two days ago, and I got a little teary-eyed in places... like Yoda feeling frustrated that Luke can not get his ship out.
Yes, I have a geek streak. I like sci-fi and fantasy, books and movies and music. I like fantastic places that I doubt I'll ever be able to visit in real life. Super-powers? Not so much...
I've hoped, at times, to be able to call the lightning from the sky to zap an annoyance. I've wanted to be able to teleport, to just "get there" already. Oh, and I guess telekinesis and telepathy would be grand traits, too.
Maybe, I'm not so much against the super-powers, as I am against all the fighting in the comics? I'd rather have complex stories with character development, than "Biff! Bam! Pow!" I also want those grayscales between the black and white painting of good and evil.... because the world is gray, more often than not.
Who's to say that life is a series of challenges and set-backs? Sure, cancer survivors give us hope, and landing a career that uses your college education is a good next step.. Yet, life is so much more than I, protagonist, making an uphill climb through the muck of society and the next achievements I strive for. My experience tells me it's so much more like that tangled knot I've seen than the steady uphill climb. I've definitely been distracted by chasing after frayed strings.
Is this where I chime in again, "I never wanted to be voted 'Most Likely to Succeed'!" The cliche clings to me still, that I have been abyssmally failing at life.... that my spoon supply is disintegrating, never to be replenished in the morning. There's the frustration from the dark recesses of my mind, egging me on, telling me to jump
And I spot that self-pity, and I look at those false expectations, and I sigh. I know that parts of my mind turn my critical eye inward. Some times, I need the stick instead of the carrot, to push me out of ennui.
A month into this new job, and I'm already chomping at the bit to get a new job. It would be wise to imagine the job ideal, kind of like the sex ideal - to ask myself, realistically, what are the minimum job requirements for me to thrive instead of just survive. What's a career I'd feel happy retiring in?
Perhaps this is my ongoing challenge gauntlet... to be useful for society, while growing and profiting at the same time.
Now, a nap, to recharge slightly..
Like Leonard Cohen and possibly Pink Floyd - melody in the bass line?
I watched "The Empire Strikes Back" two days ago, and I got a little teary-eyed in places... like Yoda feeling frustrated that Luke can not get his ship out.
Yes, I have a geek streak. I like sci-fi and fantasy, books and movies and music. I like fantastic places that I doubt I'll ever be able to visit in real life. Super-powers? Not so much...
I've hoped, at times, to be able to call the lightning from the sky to zap an annoyance. I've wanted to be able to teleport, to just "get there" already. Oh, and I guess telekinesis and telepathy would be grand traits, too.
Maybe, I'm not so much against the super-powers, as I am against all the fighting in the comics? I'd rather have complex stories with character development, than "Biff! Bam! Pow!" I also want those grayscales between the black and white painting of good and evil.... because the world is gray, more often than not.
Who's to say that life is a series of challenges and set-backs? Sure, cancer survivors give us hope, and landing a career that uses your college education is a good next step.. Yet, life is so much more than I, protagonist, making an uphill climb through the muck of society and the next achievements I strive for. My experience tells me it's so much more like that tangled knot I've seen than the steady uphill climb. I've definitely been distracted by chasing after frayed strings.
Is this where I chime in again, "I never wanted to be voted 'Most Likely to Succeed'!" The cliche clings to me still, that I have been abyssmally failing at life.... that my spoon supply is disintegrating, never to be replenished in the morning. There's the frustration from the dark recesses of my mind, egging me on, telling me to jump
And I spot that self-pity, and I look at those false expectations, and I sigh. I know that parts of my mind turn my critical eye inward. Some times, I need the stick instead of the carrot, to push me out of ennui.
A month into this new job, and I'm already chomping at the bit to get a new job. It would be wise to imagine the job ideal, kind of like the sex ideal - to ask myself, realistically, what are the minimum job requirements for me to thrive instead of just survive. What's a career I'd feel happy retiring in?
Perhaps this is my ongoing challenge gauntlet... to be useful for society, while growing and profiting at the same time.
Now, a nap, to recharge slightly..
23 September 2016
Friday morning meditation stream
Focus: positive thoughts, positive intentions... gratitude... let go of fear.
How would a man of faith act in this (or that) situation?
(enjoying the Danny Elfman radio station on Spotify - current song: Ice Dance from Edward Scissorhands)
I was running late, then we decided to reschedule, now I have an hour to meditate
I think to look at kaleidoscopic art, to revel in the complex patterns they weave. I post to Facebook (queue Batman soundtrack, Danny) I catch a post reminding me that if I go to sleep in gratitude, I wake up refreshed and in gratitude...
now, the ten minute timer is set, because time is valuable?
an excellent reply to yesterday's frustrations streaming - reminding me to give the fear to God, and my career, and everything, really. Not to belittle, not to get frustrated... just focus and move forward. Grateful for all of my friends, and even for the difficult people -
phone call just now from student loan forgiveness programs: "Income-based? Or, you're doing fine!"
- (Danny, queue Lord of the Rings) some times, I think a little on the grandiose and epic side, yep...
what plans for the day? physical therapy is on the horizon, although i wonder if it is being foiled by my forgetfulness. just not making time to stretch, and i feel ok. yes, i don't have excellent freedom of motion... do i cut it off yet? talked with the lawyer this morning. some fear around accepting a settlement and then hidden injuries cropping up after that... also, not too sure what type of settlement is in the works. if it recovers co-pays, that would be fine, I guess.
today is the one day of the week that I devote to 7-Eleven. conflicted about loyalties versus low pay. they've been there when i had no job... i suspect i still need them to shore up the part-time income from the other jobs. i see tutees coming out of the woodwork, and I think, "Can I get tutoring rolling, too?" it's such a satisfying pursuit for my math mind...
alas, the ten minute timer is up. Do I spend an hour in meditation, because I don't think I can spend 20 minutes? Or do I break away from the computer, to make my way to my appointment, to begin my day, to contemplate my walking world while Danny and others play their lovely songs?
Yes. break away, and with the world, engage.
How would a man of faith act in this (or that) situation?
(enjoying the Danny Elfman radio station on Spotify - current song: Ice Dance from Edward Scissorhands)
I was running late, then we decided to reschedule, now I have an hour to meditate
I think to look at kaleidoscopic art, to revel in the complex patterns they weave. I post to Facebook (queue Batman soundtrack, Danny) I catch a post reminding me that if I go to sleep in gratitude, I wake up refreshed and in gratitude...
now, the ten minute timer is set, because time is valuable?
an excellent reply to yesterday's frustrations streaming - reminding me to give the fear to God, and my career, and everything, really. Not to belittle, not to get frustrated... just focus and move forward. Grateful for all of my friends, and even for the difficult people -
phone call just now from student loan forgiveness programs: "Income-based? Or, you're doing fine!"
- (Danny, queue Lord of the Rings) some times, I think a little on the grandiose and epic side, yep...
what plans for the day? physical therapy is on the horizon, although i wonder if it is being foiled by my forgetfulness. just not making time to stretch, and i feel ok. yes, i don't have excellent freedom of motion... do i cut it off yet? talked with the lawyer this morning. some fear around accepting a settlement and then hidden injuries cropping up after that... also, not too sure what type of settlement is in the works. if it recovers co-pays, that would be fine, I guess.
today is the one day of the week that I devote to 7-Eleven. conflicted about loyalties versus low pay. they've been there when i had no job... i suspect i still need them to shore up the part-time income from the other jobs. i see tutees coming out of the woodwork, and I think, "Can I get tutoring rolling, too?" it's such a satisfying pursuit for my math mind...
alas, the ten minute timer is up. Do I spend an hour in meditation, because I don't think I can spend 20 minutes? Or do I break away from the computer, to make my way to my appointment, to begin my day, to contemplate my walking world while Danny and others play their lovely songs?
Yes. break away, and with the world, engage.
Late night Thursday stream...
Promises piling up...
What to write, who, and when?
The schedule is a nightmare -
Budgeting money with a shoestring income
Seems to hold much less complexity
Then dividing up Time's inexorable march
Between work, play, love, sleep, exercise, eating
And all those clamors for my attention.
Some have said,
"We make time for those who are important!"
I retort,
"Time slips through our fingers,
Like grains of sand, Lost in the stream -
And what you take for ignoring
May just be a casualty,
As my life is falling apart at the seams."
Would I rise up in revolt,
Come this November?
Would you?
All the wealth concentrating at the top,
Makes me sick to my stomach,
Beats me down,
Like a nail pounded into the wood -
My little service jobs
May ease along many to their relaxing beer;
Yet my formerly iron will
Has tuned to a crumbling rust,
And the pieces that I join
Are in danger
Of separation,
Unable to stand together,
Flush with each other.
What to write, who, and when?
The schedule is a nightmare -
Budgeting money with a shoestring income
Seems to hold much less complexity
Then dividing up Time's inexorable march
Between work, play, love, sleep, exercise, eating
And all those clamors for my attention.
Some have said,
"We make time for those who are important!"
I retort,
"Time slips through our fingers,
Like grains of sand, Lost in the stream -
And what you take for ignoring
May just be a casualty,
As my life is falling apart at the seams."
Would I rise up in revolt,
Come this November?
Would you?
All the wealth concentrating at the top,
Makes me sick to my stomach,
Beats me down,
Like a nail pounded into the wood -
My little service jobs
May ease along many to their relaxing beer;
Yet my formerly iron will
Has tuned to a crumbling rust,
And the pieces that I join
Are in danger
Of separation,
Unable to stand together,
Flush with each other.
21 September 2016
Attempted meditation stream, 21 September
Thus begins the stream. 15 minutes of writing, with few to no stops, hoping to clear away dust on my brain, and maybe uncover some buried gems?
Had a hard time getting out of bed, this morning.. kept snoozing for 3 hours. Got me worried about getting my laundry done. Still, I got it started...
Headed off to tutor a friend, and had to resurrect my tutor's hat - lots of questions for the student, in the hope that they can construct a method for attacking the problems. there's a trade-off between being a "guide on the side" or a "sage on the stage". With the first, I can get very frustrated, but it's much harder to gauge where the student is at, with the second.
Hoping for the a-ha moment, tutoring, when some method clicks into the place, and seeing the student's confidence blossom as they begin to work the problems independently. Their method may not be exactly like my method, but I must be careful on passing judgements as to which works better...
all in all, i think the tutoring went well. i saw some progress, and that's always good.
found out that my second student of the day has been home sick this week, so they had to cancel. Some relief there, as I still have not got a great idea of tackling what sounds like their math anxiety. certainly, their math frustrations. This was good, though, as it gave me a chance to finish my laundry... my sheets were in desperate need of washing, stinking like they did of sweat and dirt...
Changed the washer/dryer loads, and went to eat at Buffet Palace. May have been spending money that could have been spent elsewhere, but i've feeling nutritionally deprived by my meals of late. I was craving veggies, but i ate sushi and fried foods instead. *sigh*
got home, and found that I had overloaded the dryer. Took out the clothes that did get dry, and restarted the cycle. Proceeded to hop on the laptop and crank out answers to 41 surface-probing questions. a little fun - been a bit since i've done one of those chain icebreaker posts.
then i went to an AA meeting, and chatted with an old AA friend. I had also been chatting with another friend before the meeting, while answering those questions. got home, and chatted with house mates. some level of connection felt in all that...
I did not have to work my regular jobs today, which was a welcome relief. I have been working at one or the other of the two, every day, since Monday, August 29. Ironically, that was my birthday. Unfortunately, the shifts have still been short, and I've been too exhausted to prepare my own food, so I've been eating out at the cheap Mexican restaurant, Arranda's, quite a bit. I'm making some headway on my back rent, but not quite as fast as I'd like. ...and a past due credit card has been calling me, incessantly. It even interrupted that first student's tutoring session today.
Yes, I would like a job that pays more than $10 per hour, and has a flexible schedule. I imagine I could make ends meet at $20 per hour, 24 hours per week... It would be very nice to keep my board gaming alive and well, and maybe some role-playing games, too...
I told myself, write for 15 minutes, but the timer went off, two paragraphs ago. So, I will stop now, and see what happens when I publish this...
Had a hard time getting out of bed, this morning.. kept snoozing for 3 hours. Got me worried about getting my laundry done. Still, I got it started...
Headed off to tutor a friend, and had to resurrect my tutor's hat - lots of questions for the student, in the hope that they can construct a method for attacking the problems. there's a trade-off between being a "guide on the side" or a "sage on the stage". With the first, I can get very frustrated, but it's much harder to gauge where the student is at, with the second.
Hoping for the a-ha moment, tutoring, when some method clicks into the place, and seeing the student's confidence blossom as they begin to work the problems independently. Their method may not be exactly like my method, but I must be careful on passing judgements as to which works better...
all in all, i think the tutoring went well. i saw some progress, and that's always good.
found out that my second student of the day has been home sick this week, so they had to cancel. Some relief there, as I still have not got a great idea of tackling what sounds like their math anxiety. certainly, their math frustrations. This was good, though, as it gave me a chance to finish my laundry... my sheets were in desperate need of washing, stinking like they did of sweat and dirt...
Changed the washer/dryer loads, and went to eat at Buffet Palace. May have been spending money that could have been spent elsewhere, but i've feeling nutritionally deprived by my meals of late. I was craving veggies, but i ate sushi and fried foods instead. *sigh*
got home, and found that I had overloaded the dryer. Took out the clothes that did get dry, and restarted the cycle. Proceeded to hop on the laptop and crank out answers to 41 surface-probing questions. a little fun - been a bit since i've done one of those chain icebreaker posts.
then i went to an AA meeting, and chatted with an old AA friend. I had also been chatting with another friend before the meeting, while answering those questions. got home, and chatted with house mates. some level of connection felt in all that...
I did not have to work my regular jobs today, which was a welcome relief. I have been working at one or the other of the two, every day, since Monday, August 29. Ironically, that was my birthday. Unfortunately, the shifts have still been short, and I've been too exhausted to prepare my own food, so I've been eating out at the cheap Mexican restaurant, Arranda's, quite a bit. I'm making some headway on my back rent, but not quite as fast as I'd like. ...and a past due credit card has been calling me, incessantly. It even interrupted that first student's tutoring session today.
Yes, I would like a job that pays more than $10 per hour, and has a flexible schedule. I imagine I could make ends meet at $20 per hour, 24 hours per week... It would be very nice to keep my board gaming alive and well, and maybe some role-playing games, too...
I told myself, write for 15 minutes, but the timer went off, two paragraphs ago. So, I will stop now, and see what happens when I publish this...
41 questions about me
Because Sioxsie Asked me to do it... I might tag people at the end, to prod them to do this, too...
1. WHO ARE YOU NAMED AFTER?
Still a little unclear on the nickname Jody, but I was named after Joseph, from the Old Testament. You know, had a multi-colored cloak, sold into slavery, became Pharoah's dream interpreter... check out the musical, if you'd like more detail.
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Not entirely sure. I've been frustrated a bit, at times; and angry... but I can't remember my last cry. I suspect it was when I got a bad eye irritant, like road fumes in my face at the bus stop.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
I kind of like my hand-printing. My cursive, though, is very sloppy. I also quite enjoy maybe a third of the things I write about.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Pastrami has a nice meat to spice ratio.
5. DO YOU HAVE CHILDREN?
None that I'm aware of...
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
I'd respect the gentility and humility of me, but probably wonder I never call or write.
7. DO YOU ENJOY DOING LAUNDRY?
Once in a blue moon. Folding laundry definitely has meditative possibilities.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
I've forgotten most of my childhood, so I don't know. I think I do, though. My wisdom teeth, on the other hand...
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
Definitely curious about it. Not sure how my fear of falling would react.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
These days, Raisin Bran sprinkled with sugar sounds pretty good - and sliced bananas!
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
No. But then I have to untie them to put them on...
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
Physically, I'm average. However, mentally? Considering some of the trials I've had, I'd think I'm Superman.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
So many choices. Probably would have nuts and caramel and cookie bits all mixed in to a basic Mexican Vanilla - sort of like an Amy's Ice Cream creation. Maybe add a cherry or two, too.
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
I try to reserve judgement until I've interacted with them for a while. I probably pay attention to how they treat me, to decide if I want to continue interacting with them in the future.
15. RED OR PINK?
Pshaw!! Blue...
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF?
At the moment, probably my weight or my body odor. Or, wait... my extreme poverty level.
17. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Camouflage knee-length shorts, and black anti-slip shoes.
18. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
About three hours ago, I went to Buffet Palace and had sushi and fried appetizers.
19. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT Now?
Nothing musically. I can hear the air conditioner blowing, full-steam, and my room mate cleaning the kitchen.
20. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Midnight Blue
21. FAVORITE SMELL?
Flowers?
22. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Some guy from my credit card company, trying to collect payment
23. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH?
Not a big fan of most sports.
24. HAIR COLOR?
It varies between blonde, auburn, and brown. Depends if I'm braving sunlight.
25. EYE COLOR?
Ice blue.
26. WEAR CONTACTS?
Quite happy with glasses, if I get to pick out the frames.
27. FAVORITE FOOD?
So many choices... I think I'm happiest at an Indian food buffet.
28. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Animation...
29. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
I think the "Captain America: Civil War", when it premiered?
30. WHAT COLOR UNDERWEAR ARE YOU WEARING?
Some sort of plaid boxer shorts. Probably either shades of red, or shades of blue.
31. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Winter, but in Texas.
32. HUGS OR KISSES?
Both! Maybe a nice massage, too...
33. Favorite deserts?
I haven't visited any, but I think I'm curious about the Gobi Desert. I think that might have been the one Gaiman wrote about in his "Sandman" comic about Marco Polo meeting Fielder's Green?
34. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING?
I guess it would be "What If?" by the author of the web-comic xcdf(?)... it's been a while since I picked it up, though. Unfortunately, most of my reading these days spawns off of Facebook posts.
35. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
I don't have a mouse pad. I'm using the dining room table to move my mouse on.
36. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
No TV, for a while. Usually playing board games or RPG's with friends, for entertainment; or, going online, if I'm by myself. I also play several games on my phone, too.
37. FAVORITE SOUND?
Texas thunderstorms.
38. ROLLING STONES or BEATLES?
Pink Floyd.
39. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE EVER TRAVELED?
Probably Michigan.
40. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
I have mad abilities in mathematics...
41. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Ann Arbor, MI
Entertain me. Copy, paste. Just for fun...
1. WHO ARE YOU NAMED AFTER?
Still a little unclear on the nickname Jody, but I was named after Joseph, from the Old Testament. You know, had a multi-colored cloak, sold into slavery, became Pharoah's dream interpreter... check out the musical, if you'd like more detail.
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Not entirely sure. I've been frustrated a bit, at times; and angry... but I can't remember my last cry. I suspect it was when I got a bad eye irritant, like road fumes in my face at the bus stop.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
I kind of like my hand-printing. My cursive, though, is very sloppy. I also quite enjoy maybe a third of the things I write about.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Pastrami has a nice meat to spice ratio.
5. DO YOU HAVE CHILDREN?
None that I'm aware of...
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
I'd respect the gentility and humility of me, but probably wonder I never call or write.
7. DO YOU ENJOY DOING LAUNDRY?
Once in a blue moon. Folding laundry definitely has meditative possibilities.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
I've forgotten most of my childhood, so I don't know. I think I do, though. My wisdom teeth, on the other hand...
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
Definitely curious about it. Not sure how my fear of falling would react.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
These days, Raisin Bran sprinkled with sugar sounds pretty good - and sliced bananas!
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
No. But then I have to untie them to put them on...
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
Physically, I'm average. However, mentally? Considering some of the trials I've had, I'd think I'm Superman.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
So many choices. Probably would have nuts and caramel and cookie bits all mixed in to a basic Mexican Vanilla - sort of like an Amy's Ice Cream creation. Maybe add a cherry or two, too.
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
I try to reserve judgement until I've interacted with them for a while. I probably pay attention to how they treat me, to decide if I want to continue interacting with them in the future.
15. RED OR PINK?
Pshaw!! Blue...
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF?
At the moment, probably my weight or my body odor. Or, wait... my extreme poverty level.
17. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Camouflage knee-length shorts, and black anti-slip shoes.
18. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
About three hours ago, I went to Buffet Palace and had sushi and fried appetizers.
19. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT Now?
Nothing musically. I can hear the air conditioner blowing, full-steam, and my room mate cleaning the kitchen.
20. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Midnight Blue
21. FAVORITE SMELL?
Flowers?
22. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Some guy from my credit card company, trying to collect payment
23. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH?
Not a big fan of most sports.
24. HAIR COLOR?
It varies between blonde, auburn, and brown. Depends if I'm braving sunlight.
25. EYE COLOR?
Ice blue.
26. WEAR CONTACTS?
Quite happy with glasses, if I get to pick out the frames.
27. FAVORITE FOOD?
So many choices... I think I'm happiest at an Indian food buffet.
28. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Animation...
29. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
I think the "Captain America: Civil War", when it premiered?
30. WHAT COLOR UNDERWEAR ARE YOU WEARING?
Some sort of plaid boxer shorts. Probably either shades of red, or shades of blue.
31. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Winter, but in Texas.
32. HUGS OR KISSES?
Both! Maybe a nice massage, too...
33. Favorite deserts?
I haven't visited any, but I think I'm curious about the Gobi Desert. I think that might have been the one Gaiman wrote about in his "Sandman" comic about Marco Polo meeting Fielder's Green?
34. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING?
I guess it would be "What If?" by the author of the web-comic xcdf(?)... it's been a while since I picked it up, though. Unfortunately, most of my reading these days spawns off of Facebook posts.
35. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
I don't have a mouse pad. I'm using the dining room table to move my mouse on.
36. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
No TV, for a while. Usually playing board games or RPG's with friends, for entertainment; or, going online, if I'm by myself. I also play several games on my phone, too.
37. FAVORITE SOUND?
Texas thunderstorms.
38. ROLLING STONES or BEATLES?
Pink Floyd.
39. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE EVER TRAVELED?
Probably Michigan.
40. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
I have mad abilities in mathematics...
41. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Ann Arbor, MI
Entertain me. Copy, paste. Just for fun...
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