Hmm.. What is my perspective tonight?
I'm feeling some what critical - already unliked one page, toyed with defriending one friend..
I also find myself agreeing with a political post, but not willing to share it forward. Just don't want to deal with "defending it afterwords"..? Or is it that I'm sitting on the fence, and don't feel that it's well-documented enough to share forward..?
I suspect I may be sharing inspirational quotes for their warm fuzzies, scientific info graphics to try to educate, and some twisted sarcasm just because it makes me laugh out loud.
I also can't guarantee I'll be nice in comments, but I'll try to behave...
30 December 2012
Words elude me,
So I stand on quotes -
Not because of who said them,
But - rather - because they hint at what I believe.
...and a picture can be a thousand words, and a word can ignite a thousand pictures...
Stumble..?
Leave it as first written, go back and revise, or reduce its power through hedging with more words..?
I abandon this post, only to try again with a fresher slate: "etch-a-sketch" -> "draft-a-status"
So I stand on quotes -
Not because of who said them,
But - rather - because they hint at what I believe.
...and a picture can be a thousand words, and a word can ignite a thousand pictures...
Stumble..?
Leave it as first written, go back and revise, or reduce its power through hedging with more words..?
I abandon this post, only to try again with a fresher slate: "etch-a-sketch" -> "draft-a-status"
I do not like to repeat myself.
Yet, by repetition, and,
More so, by revision,
I gain both
A clearer understanding of where I've been
And a more succinct story for you to comprehend.
But... I do not like to repeat myself...
For I hope to have learned -
From my missteps, and from yours -
That we may dance with grace
Through our remaining days.
Something lingers in the campfire's shade,
An unknown
Caught up in rhyming again - frustration - switch to streaming, this..
I don't want to repeat myself, and yet I'll run my "addictions" into the ground, locked in the obsessive cycles. Is it competition fueling the game play or boredom!? Is it a desire to be connected fueling the feed-trolling, or a weird desire just to be heard? Am I focusing on the last 24 hours because I haven't found a "pat response" to that passage yet...? Do I leave my past on the shelf in my mind's library because I don't think it's relevant to the talk at hand?
I do not want to repeat myself..?
So, what is the difference between liking and wanting? What subtlety can be teased out of that change? How does the story get embellished in the second telling, or the tenth, or the hundredth..?
I think to like the repetition may be to be comfortable with the routine. As I was writing just a couple of lines above, I was thinking, "Ah! Yet you like set schedules of eating, sleeping, and such.. And you like to visit the same haunts.."
..or..
"If some thing or idea works, I am prone to do it again, hoping for the same results"
But, why would I want to repeat myself? Why get bogged down in an endless karmic cycle? Why stay with the comfortable, and leave the unknown unexplored? Why settle for a local happiness maximum, when trudging through a value of discomfort may find me at a much higher peak?
I do not know if I have compelling answers for or against. Sooo... Without clear understanding of history,
I might well have to repeat myself.
Rita Rockhold: "Pop the bubble!!"
Kelley J Doyle: "Get out of the cave!!"
...and, a pattern I've been playing with of late, let me tag 5-15 others for comments:
Yet, by repetition, and,
More so, by revision,
I gain both
A clearer understanding of where I've been
And a more succinct story for you to comprehend.
But... I do not like to repeat myself...
For I hope to have learned -
From my missteps, and from yours -
That we may dance with grace
Through our remaining days.
Something lingers in the campfire's shade,
An unknown
Caught up in rhyming again - frustration - switch to streaming, this..
I don't want to repeat myself, and yet I'll run my "addictions" into the ground, locked in the obsessive cycles. Is it competition fueling the game play or boredom!? Is it a desire to be connected fueling the feed-trolling, or a weird desire just to be heard? Am I focusing on the last 24 hours because I haven't found a "pat response" to that passage yet...? Do I leave my past on the shelf in my mind's library because I don't think it's relevant to the talk at hand?
I do not want to repeat myself..?
So, what is the difference between liking and wanting? What subtlety can be teased out of that change? How does the story get embellished in the second telling, or the tenth, or the hundredth..?
I think to like the repetition may be to be comfortable with the routine. As I was writing just a couple of lines above, I was thinking, "Ah! Yet you like set schedules of eating, sleeping, and such.. And you like to visit the same haunts.."
..or..
"If some thing or idea works, I am prone to do it again, hoping for the same results"
But, why would I want to repeat myself? Why get bogged down in an endless karmic cycle? Why stay with the comfortable, and leave the unknown unexplored? Why settle for a local happiness maximum, when trudging through a value of discomfort may find me at a much higher peak?
I do not know if I have compelling answers for or against. Sooo... Without clear understanding of history,
I might well have to repeat myself.
Rita Rockhold: "Pop the bubble!!"
Kelley J Doyle: "Get out of the cave!!"
...and, a pattern I've been playing with of late, let me tag 5-15 others for comments:
27 December 2012
I'm wondering about a New Year's Resolution for 2013...
I'd like to try "speaking only when spoken to"...
...in order to work on my active listening skills..?
So, on Facebook, this would mean no sharing of others' posts, no status updates "out of nowhere", not even unsolicited comments on posts...
In my AA involvement, this would mean not sharing unless called upon... And I'm thinking I'd sit outside of 1313's circle of sharing unless asked to join by a friend.
Also... I would not be calling others, or texting, or emailing; except in reply to their initial contacts.
However, I would still engage others while at work, as that is part of my job duties, e.g. Greeting customers with "Welcome to Walgreens!"
I'm still not sure if this is the final form for this "Vow of Silence"... I also have some reservations on how long I'll try to maintain it - 1 month, 3 months, a year, indefinite...?
Any thoughts from "all y'all"?
I'd like to try "speaking only when spoken to"...
...in order to work on my active listening skills..?
So, on Facebook, this would mean no sharing of others' posts, no status updates "out of nowhere", not even unsolicited comments on posts...
In my AA involvement, this would mean not sharing unless called upon... And I'm thinking I'd sit outside of 1313's circle of sharing unless asked to join by a friend.
Also... I would not be calling others, or texting, or emailing; except in reply to their initial contacts.
However, I would still engage others while at work, as that is part of my job duties, e.g. Greeting customers with "Welcome to Walgreens!"
I'm still not sure if this is the final form for this "Vow of Silence"... I also have some reservations on how long I'll try to maintain it - 1 month, 3 months, a year, indefinite...?
Any thoughts from "all y'all"?
17 December 2012
15 December 2012
02 December 2012
"What's going on, Jody?"
hmm. thinking about "the stage character we present to our fellows"... here are some of the thoughts bouncing around:
- there are usually some parts of our lives that we try to keep as secrets, mostly because of shame or embarrasment - or possibly fear of negative consequences
- our words may not always match up with our actions, which can lead others to label us as hypocrites; because we'll say one thing, but then proceed to do the opposite (some times on auto pilot)
- worse yet, our minds are paradoxical, in that they can easily believe two or more contradictory beliefs simultaneously
- we can also be conditioned by society to act in certain roles, such as "men don't cry"
- we might also change our behavior from our typical behavior when we're trying to impress somebody, such as at a job interview, or when courting a person we're attracted to (or, I'm reminded of a quote I once saw on the dating sites, that "people often 'present fronts' in their profiles, like the person they'd like to be, not the person they are)
hmm. thinking about "the stage character we present to our fellows"... here are some of the thoughts bouncing around:
- there are usually some parts of our lives that we try to keep as secrets, mostly because of shame or embarrasment - or possibly fear of negative consequences
- our words may not always match up with our actions, which can lead others to label us as hypocrites; because we'll say one thing, but then proceed to do the opposite (some times on auto pilot)
- worse yet, our minds are paradoxical, in that they can easily believe two or more contradictory beliefs simultaneously
- we can also be conditioned by society to act in certain roles, such as "men don't cry"
- we might also change our behavior from our typical behavior when we're trying to impress somebody, such as at a job interview, or when courting a person we're attracted to (or, I'm reminded of a quote I once saw on the dating sites, that "people often 'present fronts' in their profiles, like the person they'd like to be, not the person they are)
...and then there was the second part, "We must be entirely honest with somebody..."
Bean's notes:
- So, when asked "how are you?", try to give an honest assessment. However, you might get some weird reactions if you're not well, and you admit this..
- The amount and type of disclosure depends partly on our "role" in the situation - i.e., employers are usually not paying us to bring our family or relationship issues into the job, or even ALL of our education and/or past experiences
- ...and partly on how much trust has been established with the people we're disclosing to - if some one has gossiped about what we've shared with them, is it prudent or wise to share our secrets with them?
- and, of course, even though Facebook connects you with many of your close friends, it's not a wise idea to use it for therapy sessions; because you really do not know who may see what you say, now or later in the future...
Bean's notes:
- So, when asked "how are you?", try to give an honest assessment. However, you might get some weird reactions if you're not well, and you admit this..
- The amount and type of disclosure depends partly on our "role" in the situation - i.e., employers are usually not paying us to bring our family or relationship issues into the job, or even ALL of our education and/or past experiences
- ...and partly on how much trust has been established with the people we're disclosing to - if some one has gossiped about what we've shared with them, is it prudent or wise to share our secrets with them?
- and, of course, even though Facebook connects you with many of your close friends, it's not a wise idea to use it for therapy sessions; because you really do not know who may see what you say, now or later in the future...
18 November 2012
I feel - some times a dangerous way to start a status update - disconnected from and unappreciated by some - not ALL - of my acquaintances.
I just have to wonder... Am I unapproachable? Do I smell bad? Do these people think I have nothing to offer?
Probably just feeding my resentment(s).
...part of me just wants to act out, and attempt a retreat in December - no meetings, no Facebook, no outgoing phone calls... Just work and home. I wonder how long it would take before anyone would "send out the search party"...
---------
Sooo... That's where my brain is trying to take me right now: "feeling alone in a room of crowded people"
I just have to wonder... Am I unapproachable? Do I smell bad? Do these people think I have nothing to offer?
Probably just feeding my resentment(s).
...part of me just wants to act out, and attempt a retreat in December - no meetings, no Facebook, no outgoing phone calls... Just work and home. I wonder how long it would take before anyone would "send out the search party"...
---------
Sooo... That's where my brain is trying to take me right now: "feeling alone in a room of crowded people"
17 November 2012
16 November 2012
When Formula One Came to Austin
So, I'm thinking about our culture's infatuation with watching sports - whether it be team sports like football, basketball, and baseball; or more individual sports like golf, tennis, running, and auto racing. Part of the reason I'm thinking about it is because Austin is opening up a race track this weekend.
Honestly, I've never seen much appeal in watching others engage in physical activity - it just doesn't seem to matter much in the grand scheme of things, or in enhancing my personal enlightenment.
I'd rather be an active participant. Even there, though, I have to be aware of my limitations; and I'd rather be in a sport or exercise that has some secondary goals or maybe even healthy competition integrated into it. Example: I prefer to walk and bike to places, rather than drive... I prefer playing volleyball over playing football...
Mind's still sleepy, and I'm not sure where I'm going...
I guess I just don't feel invested in professional sports.
In a similar vein, I feel only slightly more investment in non-local artists, probably because I haven't had the opportunity to get to know them as fellow humans. However, some times art *DOES* change me, even when I'm just the spectator, and it is for those artists that I am grateful, as they have usually changed me for the better, or, at least, broadened my horizons.
Going to tag Troy Dillinger, 'cause his conversations here, this morning, got me thinking about this.
Honestly, I've never seen much appeal in watching others engage in physical activity - it just doesn't seem to matter much in the grand scheme of things, or in enhancing my personal enlightenment.
I'd rather be an active participant. Even there, though, I have to be aware of my limitations; and I'd rather be in a sport or exercise that has some secondary goals or maybe even healthy competition integrated into it. Example: I prefer to walk and bike to places, rather than drive... I prefer playing volleyball over playing football...
Mind's still sleepy, and I'm not sure where I'm going...
I guess I just don't feel invested in professional sports.
In a similar vein, I feel only slightly more investment in non-local artists, probably because I haven't had the opportunity to get to know them as fellow humans. However, some times art *DOES* change me, even when I'm just the spectator, and it is for those artists that I am grateful, as they have usually changed me for the better, or, at least, broadened my horizons.
Going to tag Troy Dillinger, 'cause his conversations here, this morning, got me thinking about this.
09 August 2012
05 August 2012
(SSSU - 8/5/12)
SSSU:
Start with a word, like 'trees'.
Evolve freely, in a stream of consciousness, branching from tangent to tangent, spinning out circles of ideas, paying only minimal attention to punctuation and grammar - just to attempt to get the thought cloud down into a concrete soup....
...and then review and reflect, to wonder aloud: "Is this art, like a mighty oak, or garbage, like the Hudson River delta?"
Start with a word, like 'trees'.
Evolve freely, in a stream of consciousness, branching from tangent to tangent, spinning out circles of ideas, paying only minimal attention to punctuation and grammar - just to attempt to get the thought cloud down into a concrete soup....
...and then review and reflect, to wonder aloud: "Is this art, like a mighty oak, or garbage, like the Hudson River delta?"
03 June 2012
(SSSU - 6/3/12)
Oh, yeah, we're in the weekend, sooo...
SSSU: (word association - until I pause) caged bird sings as light brings tan toast to the table, taking the edge off a night of tossing and turning, from cicadas brring - or was it all that coffee quaffed, just cause i'm thirsty, but I don't want to be drinking. I see OJ and milk by the toast, bacon by the eggs, a bowl of cantaloupe and berries, and yet... i want a steak, or so i claim... a place to retire, to call home, to settle in for a long haul. Of course, this might not make much sense, bouncing between times then and ahead, but at least it's not sooo... random?
SSSU: (word association - until I pause) caged bird sings as light brings tan toast to the table, taking the edge off a night of tossing and turning, from cicadas brring - or was it all that coffee quaffed, just cause i'm thirsty, but I don't want to be drinking. I see OJ and milk by the toast, bacon by the eggs, a bowl of cantaloupe and berries, and yet... i want a steak, or so i claim... a place to retire, to call home, to settle in for a long haul. Of course, this might not make much sense, bouncing between times then and ahead, but at least it's not sooo... random?
15 May 2012
On inter-connectedness....
The boundary between the self and the One is an illusion.
I am embedded in a much larger whole, and I can not claim a unique experience that separates me from the Universe.
However, I can claim that my set of experiences differ from yours. This is a good thing, as it creates "original ideas" that I can share with you, and, vice versa.
I am embedded in a much larger whole, and I can not claim a unique experience that separates me from the Universe.
However, I can claim that my set of experiences differ from yours. This is a good thing, as it creates "original ideas" that I can share with you, and, vice versa.
29 April 2012
"Create-a-conversation"
Idea: "Create-a-conversation"
Choose your audience:
One-on-one, 3-8 people, public forum...
Choose your medium:
Text (letters, posts, etc), Phone, In person...
Choose 3-10 topics for discussion, with or without time limits, with or without prior notice
Post a comment with the above preferences, and maybe we can coordinate to make it happen..?
Choose your audience:
One-on-one, 3-8 people, public forum...
Choose your medium:
Text (letters, posts, etc), Phone, In person...
Choose 3-10 topics for discussion, with or without time limits, with or without prior notice
Post a comment with the above preferences, and maybe we can coordinate to make it happen..?
30 March 2012
22 February 2012
Sooo... We'd like to believe we're independent from other people and/or God...
...but our past interactions have a strong influence on shaping our present ones.
Like, I can see the influence of my family's upbringing, my church involvement as a teen, and my co-operative living experiences in my work interactions, my present friendships, my moral codes, etc....
...but our past interactions have a strong influence on shaping our present ones.
Like, I can see the influence of my family's upbringing, my church involvement as a teen, and my co-operative living experiences in my work interactions, my present friendships, my moral codes, etc....
21 February 2012
May you sleep well, and have memorable, yet pleasant, dreams.
May you awake refreshed, with time to spare before your first commitment of the day.
...and may your day bring you goals achieved, from dreams manifested into plans that you can readily accomplish!
Good night all, and welcome The Sandman.
May you awake refreshed, with time to spare before your first commitment of the day.
...and may your day bring you goals achieved, from dreams manifested into plans that you can readily accomplish!
Good night all, and welcome The Sandman.
Sooo...
The sober house that I live at needs a new/used electric washer and dryer.
I'm going to try checking Craigslist later today, but if anyone else has any leads, it would be appreciated.
I strongly suspect that I've lost two of my favorite dress shirts today, because they got sucked up under the washer central axle. There were a few loose buttons scattered in the rest of the load, and lots of cloth fragments.
Grrrrr.... :((
The sober house that I live at needs a new/used electric washer and dryer.
I'm going to try checking Craigslist later today, but if anyone else has any leads, it would be appreciated.
I strongly suspect that I've lost two of my favorite dress shirts today, because they got sucked up under the washer central axle. There were a few loose buttons scattered in the rest of the load, and lots of cloth fragments.
Grrrrr.... :((
16 February 2012
Note: I still like to tutor college mathematics, and I charge the DARS rate of $20/hr.
My contact info is here on Facebook, if you'd like to set up sessions.
I've previously worked for UT's Learning Skills Center, for 7 years, tutoring from pre-calculus through differential equations, with some linear algebra students, too...
My contact info is here on Facebook, if you'd like to set up sessions.
I've previously worked for UT's Learning Skills Center, for 7 years, tutoring from pre-calculus through differential equations, with some linear algebra students, too...
09 February 2012
01 February 2012
26 January 2012
Mind's trying to grapple with a statement about filters... Secrets... Fear of speaking, out of fear of judgement...
Most times, I don't think too long about the repercussions of what I will say.
However, I don't like to gossip about people who aren't present, and, if I believe some thing can and should be kept secret, I try to do so.
Most times, I don't think too long about the repercussions of what I will say.
However, I don't like to gossip about people who aren't present, and, if I believe some thing can and should be kept secret, I try to do so.
24 January 2012
On another note:
As a teen, I was a fairly avid reader... Possibly b/c both my parents had extensive libraries, chock full of great books.
However, it seems that I read a lot less as an adult. I suspect that's mostly b/c I'm not making the time to do so.
Then again, maybe I'm just reading in different media, such as Facebook or news via AP Mobile...
As a teen, I was a fairly avid reader... Possibly b/c both my parents had extensive libraries, chock full of great books.
However, it seems that I read a lot less as an adult. I suspect that's mostly b/c I'm not making the time to do so.
Then again, maybe I'm just reading in different media, such as Facebook or news via AP Mobile...
Random note:
I really enjoy working with sequences and series in mathematics, especially using them to solve linear differential equations..
A cool fallout from that area is the equation:
e^(i*pi) = -1
...neat, b/c it combines 4 of the pivotal numbers in math, and opens up the ability to take imaginary powers of numbers...
I really enjoy working with sequences and series in mathematics, especially using them to solve linear differential equations..
A cool fallout from that area is the equation:
e^(i*pi) = -1
...neat, b/c it combines 4 of the pivotal numbers in math, and opens up the ability to take imaginary powers of numbers...
17 January 2012
multiple updates, 1/17/12
nstead of thinking about what I want, I'm trying to cultivate an "attitude of gratitude" for what have...
Not always an easy task, as I miss some of the life luxuries that have been "lost", like eating out and catching movies and/or music regularly...
--------------
Worried that sleep won't come quickly, as these are my normal waking hours. I'd like to sleep now, so that I can have some business hours to work with, later today.
--------------
1:11 a.m.
Having a hard time thinking of an original, upbeat creative status update...
--------------
...and then...
I begin to think I can control an addiction, as I extend the time since I last engaged in it. That's the danger of being a binger instead of a daily user...
Or, in the absence of "typical" appeals to a HP, such as prayer, I begin to think I've beat it on my human power alone.
It's hard to remind myself, though, that I DID (and still do) depend on Groups, Sponsorship, and Step work, at least, with the alcohol addiction...
But, am I bodily and mentally different from my fellows? Considering most of them are alcoholics too, it's hard to say - except there IS that whole other wrinkle of my bipolar brain..
Not always an easy task, as I miss some of the life luxuries that have been "lost", like eating out and catching movies and/or music regularly...
--------------
Worried that sleep won't come quickly, as these are my normal waking hours. I'd like to sleep now, so that I can have some business hours to work with, later today.
--------------
1:11 a.m.
Having a hard time thinking of an original, upbeat creative status update...
--------------
...and then...
I begin to think I can control an addiction, as I extend the time since I last engaged in it. That's the danger of being a binger instead of a daily user...
Or, in the absence of "typical" appeals to a HP, such as prayer, I begin to think I've beat it on my human power alone.
It's hard to remind myself, though, that I DID (and still do) depend on Groups, Sponsorship, and Step work, at least, with the alcohol addiction...
But, am I bodily and mentally different from my fellows? Considering most of them are alcoholics too, it's hard to say - except there IS that whole other wrinkle of my bipolar brain..
12 January 2012
...and then...
I begin to think I can control an addiction, as I extend the time since I last engaged in it. That's the danger of being a binger instead of a daily user...
Or, in the absence of "typical" appeals to a HP, such as prayer, I begin to think I've beat it on my human power alone.
It's hard to remind myself, though, that I DID (and still do) depend on Groups, Sponsorship, and Step work, at least, with the alcohol addiction...
But, am I bodily and mentally different from my fellows? Considering most of them are alcoholics too, it's hard to say - except there IS that whole other wrinkle of my bipolar brain..
I begin to think I can control an addiction, as I extend the time since I last engaged in it. That's the danger of being a binger instead of a daily user...
Or, in the absence of "typical" appeals to a HP, such as prayer, I begin to think I've beat it on my human power alone.
It's hard to remind myself, though, that I DID (and still do) depend on Groups, Sponsorship, and Step work, at least, with the alcohol addiction...
But, am I bodily and mentally different from my fellows? Considering most of them are alcoholics too, it's hard to say - except there IS that whole other wrinkle of my bipolar brain..
08 January 2012
07 January 2012
90% of Facebook users won't repost this. They are too afraid to stand up for the truth in today's secular world. But when Odin sent Thor to slay the frost giants, he was thinking of you. If you believe that He loves Yggdrasil with all His heart, and will fight to defend it and us at Ragnarök, please share this. If you know in your heart you'll be with Him in Valhalla, share this. Those who brave the ridicule of this secular world will truly be rewarded with mead and wild boar in the sacred halls of Valhalla! Skál!
06 January 2012
Quotes about patience
These were found on www.values.com :
"Face your deficiencies and acknowledge them; but do not let them master you. Let them teach you patience, sweetness, insight... When we do the best we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of another."
Helen Keller Author, Lecturer, Activist (1880-1968)
"How poor are they that have not patience! What wound did ever heal but by degrees?"
William Shakespeare Dramatist, Poet (1564-1616)
"Face your deficiencies and acknowledge them; but do not let them master you. Let them teach you patience, sweetness, insight... When we do the best we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of another."
Helen Keller Author, Lecturer, Activist (1880-1968)
"How poor are they that have not patience! What wound did ever heal but by degrees?"
William Shakespeare Dramatist, Poet (1564-1616)
03 January 2012
Straining to think of a status update at 4:30 am.
Obviously, I'm awake, but I don't have much else going on, at this very moment...
My words with friends are caught up, I've read the Facebook news feed, and 89.5 KMFA's playing on the radio.
I hope to slip swiftly into sleep, now, but I suspect the 10 pm coffees may foil that plan...
Actually, what I really hope for are some exotic dreams over the next 6 hours.
Obviously, I'm awake, but I don't have much else going on, at this very moment...
My words with friends are caught up, I've read the Facebook news feed, and 89.5 KMFA's playing on the radio.
I hope to slip swiftly into sleep, now, but I suspect the 10 pm coffees may foil that plan...
Actually, what I really hope for are some exotic dreams over the next 6 hours.
02 January 2012
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
