I'm exhausted from "trying to keep it together".
I'm panicking from not being able to meet my expenses this month... So much so, that I'm posting about jumping off bridges (scroll back in my wall, and you'll find the post), and "begging for help in passive-aggressive approaches". So much so, that the vital bills are lapsing, putting me even worse off with other expenses (the medical insurance saga)
So, I try to keep this off facebook, because i have weird projections on my part of how people will say "Oh no, not again!" ...or seeing the same responses from the same people; and thinking, "why do you keep saying that!?" ....worse of all, seeing no responses; and just getting more and more frustrated and angry.
It's like I'm screaming inside, "God, help me, please!!" and yet trying to project a happy face to be polite... or being honest about my situation and getting blank stares and confused reactions.
i'm probably blabbering like a rabid dog to y'all, now.... and I feel that most everyone has made no attempts to reach out, to suggest they could be helpful.
Honestly, just driving me battier and battier...
And it paints everyone claiming to be available and willing to help as hypocrites, if you ask me. (but then i have to keep remembering that i'm not at front doorstep, begging for pennies - because that's what it feels like to get through to anyone, anymore...
So, that is my rant, I guess. I feel helpless, I ask for help, and I get nothing. (and my mind turns ever darker...)