I do want to lay blame out, like some sputtering flame thrower.
I see my mind, twisting up in strange trips. It's like I went into a back alley and got mugged by Greed, Envy, and the Green-eyed Monster... and the venomous tongue, whispering:
"Every time that YOU try to rally a group together, you're left alone at the party... nobody wants YOU... nobody values YOU..."
In my heart, I know it's repetitive, negative thoughts.... I know that I'm suffering from some myopia - but my poor heart gets so bullied around by my brain.
Chalk up another post under, "The sky is falling", or "the boy who cried wolf", if you will. Or, perhaps, "over-zealous attention hog"... Part of me wishes that I wouldn't try to predict how negatively you view me and my writings, that I wouldn't try to assign words and motives to your actions, or inactions.
Yet.... I do. Now, I have to untangle what's false from what's true. ...and I wish words were not wielded like such weapons, trying to cut through reality in the search for simple explanations.
I'm killing myself slowly with chaos and confusion. I'm dying by dealing in delusion.
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