How can I convey...?
Sensory input - visual cortex sparking..
sounds noted in passing..
language but a footnote?
could i draw the world i perceive
instead of beating my fingers
into bloody pulps
pounding on the keyboard
quoting this or that quote
sharing some inspiration
or maybe another dad joke?
i walk.. a lot..
really! quite a lot..
i see things,
and they rarely trigger
memories of yesterday
or plans for tomorrow...
just another house here,
maybe the same one
i've passed a thousand times...
and a bush here,
maybe a little bushier
or bedecked in christmas lights...
images flashing through my brain
rarely causing concern or blame -
memories now, of creeks followed
as a teen
in cow pastures, alone,
at the city limits
i realize this is rambling
i realize these are words,
so foreign, so not me...
my family knows me as the silent one -
though I doubt many would think that
who see me today...
so i pound at the keyboard
and wrack my brain
while taking solace
in foreign music keeping me sane?
oops - attempting to get poetic...
see, to borrow from Blade Runner,
"I see things..."
If it's not in my sight,
Then it's likely not in mind?
A curse of Facebook
Is that I see old friends and lost loves
Who I doubt I'll ever
Share a room with again -
Maybe that stirs up pesky memory,
Maybe that sharpens solitude's pains...
I was thinking how hard it can be
To give flight to my inner voice,
To speak without relying
Upon our possibly shared cultural contexts
Maybe that's why
writing components were such a bear for me -
i just had no clue
what i had in common
with these liberal arts professors
I like to share far and wide,
Not that I've bought the quotes
Hook, line, and sinker -
but because
I'm often a perturbed thinker...
I'd love to know what
my friends and neighbors
feel, support, or distrust
science tells me
i can interact with the world,
and usually get the same results
for the same interactions...
often born out
by my own experience -
you know, 2 + 2 = 4
(most of the time)
i'm still not sure
about g and 9.81
problems with physics at RLM...
so... I walk, I see things,
I add some music, too...
partly to withdraw,
partly to entertain -
thankfully I'm blessed
that most songs
don't get stuck in repeat
in the workings of my brain...
I do not obsess... much...
in third grade,
i dreamed of a grand life
with my then-current crush -
that faded with time,
but still would flare up later...
although, as a teen,
my mind crowded with crushes,
such is raging testosterone, eh?
as the years have piled on,
love, or lust, seems to be fading -
I'm thankful for that...
much easier to talk again?
i don't think it's self-centered,
because I usually care
quite a bit about who or what's around me -
but it is very localized
as it's so rare to think
about people i've never met
back to dreams
i hear i talk in my sleep
I think I've heard my talk in my sleep
it reminds me
Of late-stage Alzheimer's...
add to that
difficulties remembering
people's names,
and who really said what...
(and Grandma's illnesses)
and hope just pops,
my brain thinks not in speech
so my curse will be
to never be understood,
to share grunts and grumbles
and then be mistook
for another crazy man's mumbles
shuttered off
to die slowly
in some dark, dank closet.
meh. trying to get dramatic?
no clue if you "get this" -
ain't that the point? -
my strength and my weakness
is that I can not predict
what it is you want me to say...
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