"Why not suicide?
If I feel like a failure,
Why keep sucking air?"
...a lucid moment,
as my mind reeled
from her harsh breakup
and hoping beyond hope
that she would visit once more...
"Why not suicide?
She no longer loves me, and
My bed is so cold..."
...the depression grew starker,
as i fell further behind on rent,
and i went hungry for lunch,
looking long at the cafe
next to the new professional job...
"Why not suicide?
I'm not cut out for this work,
And, one day, they'll know..."
...so, i played upon my arms
with a dull swiss army,
leaving scratches galore,
but afraid to draw blood and gore...
...i began to call in sick,
when i had just overslept,
because i hadn't slept all night...
...and then?
My plan changed like that,
And I guzzled Depakote -
One month's worth of pills.
Last I remember,
I was laying down to sleep
My life's final sleep...
...they tell me,
that they found me
sitting in my underwear,
against my bedroom wall...
...they tell me,
that they dragged me
to the shower,
turning it on,
full blast on hot...
...they tell me,
that i had 90% kidney failure,
and a body temperature of 84...
First came activated charcoal,
Then a feeding tube and a catheter -
A dash of dialysis, for fun?
Thankfully, I was deep in a coma,
Lying in a bed for three weeks,
Although I did get some nasty bed sores.
I came to, to The Simpsons
And their Halloween specials;
And to a Congressman
returning to space -
Although, now, I'm hazy on which one...
It was a bit of a recovery,
And I came to realize
That she was hardly worth all that...
But.. I was young and foolish,
And rather quite hopeless...
I had crossed a breaking point of stress.
Suicide is very selfish,
Causing all about you, much pain...
...and yet, I would consider it, once more,
If faced with a future full of my own pain,
Or feelings like I'm a failure, once again...
"Why not suicide?
If I feel like a failure,
Why keep sucking air?"
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