so... i vomit out all the bad stress in my life, and appear to be whining and complaining. I imagine some will then hide my posts or block me, because they don't want to see that stream of negativity.
I did get to enjoy a couple of good meals, today; and most of the tutoring was not difficult to explain, yet it still had nuances of challenge. I was rather upset that the student/tutor ratio was awfully high - not enough tutors to meet the students' demands...
I am rather concerned by my pseudo-narcolepsy... just nodding off to sleep at all times of the day, under all sorts of caffeine levels. It makes me suspect that I might be falling out of balance on vital minerals and nutrients - especially as that has happened in my past.
yet... the nihilistic ennui? yes, I could strive for a healthier, more balanced life, with lots of abundance. Yet, I suspect there is an extreme amount of stress to take on, to get there, especially as a single-income household. So, the thought of suicide tries to present itself as an attractive alternative to all of that stress.
This rat race - it's just so dehumanizing.... so unsatisfying. There has got to be a better model of society that would make lives pleasant for a much larger majority. How can we make this world a much better place for all who live on it?