A collection of my paranoias:
- it’s cancer, and it’s spreading
- I have exhausted all help from friends and family
- nobody needs or wants my skill set or my input, and therefor, me
- my creditors, both formal and informal, are destroying my reputation
- Facebook is a dead platform, and should not be used to covey anything important
Noted that these are paranoias, and not well-grounded in reality. There could be nuances, and each could be examined to see if it has any truth. Still, they sadden me, and make me fearful of a future full of pain and suffering.
Also, how much much have I, by bad actions or bad inactions, let these fester and grow? By commenting sharply, by not trying to set up interactions, by distracting myself with trivial pursuits...
It’s a little scream, in the middle of the afternoon, a rage that stays unaddressed...? Just babbling now. Just trying to be busy, in the dead of registration - because I do easily faint/nod-off if I’m not active.