An urge...
to be mingling with my fellows...
Since, alone..?
My mind plays with the gallows...
Is that technically right? Does that literally mean I think about jail, and not about old-school executions?
Whatever...
Is it like the phases of grief, where I know that I’ve lost some measure of my financial security... and yet, in denial, I want to spend flagrantly with friends, with a blind eye turned away from the forbidding future?
Or, is it more sinister, with little weighed upon cash in pocket and far more focus upon declining physical health. Has mortality reared its pale skull, and I cower in the company of others, trying to hide from an end perceived to be far too near?
If I could throw off this mortal coil without pain or suffering... if I could just leave while sleeping quietly...
Nothing ties me to the dust, but gravity. No promises beckon in my future. I am zero, null, and all the nonsense built out of those beginnings..?
I’m blabbering right now. I really do not care if I am making sense. My body aches and my mind wants to free and my soul wants to reach out to all of you, to forget for a moment about me.
Yet, I sent in a 10 by 10 room, in a jail of my own fashion, as Spotify plays Jazzy little tunes, and a long nap in my meager bed promises a better tomorrow.
I can only hope...