Paraphrased:
“The scroll tasted sweet in my mouth, yet it turned my stomach sour”
My interpretation: lofty words and well-crafted arguments might be hiding ugly truths. Or.. “sounds good, but still stinks”
My daily liturgy readings have been focusing on Revelations, this week
I think I have a nasty resentment boiling under the skin of my conscious brain:
I sabotaged my time management skills, especially for my optional work, in order to try to be more social and outgoing; and then I began wondering if there was romance lurking in subtle signals. (How much of that is my hopeful perception, and how much is some spectrum spanning from friends to partners?) Now, I feel that there is nothing in my hands - no romance, no socializing, not even any work completed on the jobs.
I tried to deviate from my old cautious patterns and I feel like I'm experiencing a lot of the dangers from which those patterns were trying to protect me.
I do not like this place. The unmanageability is spreading from one area into multiple areas. It's like an addiction, but now an addiction to inter-relating.
Maybe there could be some peace and solitude found in obeying the upcoming lockdowns - tampering down the socializing to a less consuming type of pursuit.
I suspect it’s going to be another night of sudden crying bouts in bed.
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