I want to understand why I suddenly want to be social, at 1 a.m...
I had a blast with the other tutors, geeking out, today. I quite enjoyed created a variant of chili....
Yet, the emptiness creeps in. As I read about people's events where I was not directly invited, regret and fear grows. I see my old life crumbling away, again... my old friends fading into the background, or outright rejecting me.
I'm left befuddled and confused, because I do not know what it is about me that is driving these chisels into years-old company. actually, it may be wrong to assume all responsibility... and that saddens me, that our lives have become so busy and so varied that yesterday's fascination has become today's trash, and but an empty void on the far horizon.
(6 months, and I still had not realized that she had died.)
with a million gnats clamoring for my attention, I yearn for a small town, for pool in the garage and lemonade on the porch... I want to be in a simpler time. I do not want to have to constantly struggle, just for us to break bread together.
I just want a simple bike - I do not need this society's version of Monster Truck Bike, with death claw attachments and spinning wheels of silvered spikes. (ok, yeah, not a great analogy... I was trying to get around to Pink Floyd, you see...? Yet, I doubt anyone here realizes how formative the Floyd has been for me.)
Let me throw off these shackles, and let me find a glass slipper - and the foot that it fits...!
(No... i'm not a fan of the Cinderella story, though.
it's all crap.
everything i write and say is crap.
trying to go for an effect;
yet not bothering with an edit.
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