it's another "woe post":
i want to look at the last 24 hours as a string of failures and letting people down.
...feels like i'm drowning in self-pity...
...a whole lot of regrets, and second guesses...
so, i talked a bit with a new member at the Austin Clubhouse, but I did not provide any of my contact info.
lots of micro-transactions are piling up, depleting my bank account.
feeling trapped in my house, because it's a solid 20 minute walk to go anywhere.
taking a nap and over-sleeping... because i'm staying up late at night, again.
relatively minor stuff, but it still can knock me out of a positive outlook? especially since there's some longer-term stuff, swimming around it like sharks..
frustration builds and builds, and, before I know it, suicide is trying to present itself as a viable option again.. a whole plate of escaping frustration, because of the fear of pain of living through the frustration.
I can imagine micro-aggressions along the lines of "that's all small potatoes. haven't you seen what's going on in the world?" ....part of me does not want to place my life in the context of world events, because then the purpose of living drops out when i realize what a shit hole the world has become...
i have almost no possessions. the world is so transient, so impermanent. yet, i have more than a suitcase. so, i get trapped in a high-bottom poverty.
I do not know if this matters. i should probably attempt sleep; as it is safer than attempting death or attempting conversation.
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