I'm choking on my brain's strange cocktail of cynicism and paranoia, unable to breathe easy...
...and that's not supposed to be the way to start a conversation, to win friends and influence people. Sort of like people getting knocked off-balance when I don't say, "Everything's OK" to their (supposedly innocent) question, "How are you?"
Yes, I would love to meet you with a smile in my heart and a clear brain. I would absolutely love it if circumstances were such, so that I was not worried about finances, health, and romances! "Alas, poor Yorrick..." ...things are not well...
AA's turn their backs when I come near. My DM strips my character of power. Students can't make sense of my explanations... All within 12 hours, although some are repetitions of much longer trends. "Ah, the Pariah Treatment! So Infuriating!" ...or am I viewed as just a doormat, or a calculator made flesh?
I don't know. Yet I can't say, "I don't care"...
I feel like I'm being decimated by gnats, punched repeatedly like a time clock, left to dry out in the wind because I was cast as a wet blanket!
Oy... Perhaps my mental illness intersects with the autism spectrum. Perhaps I am too weird and/or too normal to be accepted by the people I engage with. Perhaps today's sand is heavy upon my feet...
I think there's more thoughts, but I don't even know if they're worth posting. For one, I am diseased, and I am foolish to post first drafts... For another, most indications tell me that practically nobody is reading this stuff, anyway. (Maybe they'd rather post pictures of what they ate, last night?)
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