So. Anxiety is still trying to pull me under...
Uncertain how to face the basic unsustainability of my current life configuration - mostly career/money concerns, with a dash of stupid spending, too...
There is a whole other arena, wrapped around feelings of isolation and (perhaps?) disrespect..?
I'd like to say denial has run its course, and it's time to start taking action. Yet I'm sooo afraid of changing careers, or changing residences, or changing cities. I'm afraid of cutting back on activities that bring me happiness, even though that would build better responsibility. I'm afraid of trying to manage it all, just by myself...
yet, I'm also afraid of the ideations, lurking in my mind - and how they appear to offer a quick and simple exit. Thank god that they don't offer a painless, 100% guaranteed end; or else I'd lose yet another defense against "putting them into action".
Would it be better if I felt needed and loved, if I felt useful to my employer(s) and community? Perhaps...
Would it be better if I felt safe and secure, if I felt free to do as I please, without concerning myself over costs? Perhaps...
Then again, as a frequent victim of "all or nothing thinking", I may be demanding that "Everything must be perfect, or else why should I be here at all?!?!" (at which, i can hear, "life's not about the destination, but about the journey..." or "the learning is in the struggles...")
Still... fighting to keep my head, above water, at the moment.
how can we best support each other?
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