On the one hand, I hear my paranoia whining, "Nobody wants you in their life. All of your past friendships are deteriorating, by the day. You should just abandon all of that past, and start over.... it would let you drink again, too!"
Another piece of my mind claims that no Texan wants to deal with a car-less individual. Texas is just too sprawled and too big.
whine, whine, whine....
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When I think of the reality, I've structured my life to where I'm isolating. Most of my time is spent at either of the two jobs, or in transit to them. I'm normally well-received, when I'm at the jobs. I got so used to communal living that I don't have a good idea of how to live life in an apartment style.
feels like more whine, whine, whine...
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I think that I only want people in my life, when I become afraid that I can not meet my life's requirements on my own...?
Yes, there's the people in recovery who would wave the "life is unmanageable" flag, or the "trust God" flag.... i see the truths in that, and yet I still want to manage my life and I still want to lean into my community, instead (for my God is expressed best through community actions)
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i do not know what value there is, in writing this post.
i do not know if there is a cry for help, here... or if it's just a midnight terror before laying in an empty bed?
there's a thirst for company, and a fear that none is to be had
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