15 August 2020

"I want more attention, from more people."

yeah.

I think it really boils down to that...

Pre-pandemic, I was fairly active with meetups, and tutoring and AA meetings - so probably seeing about 25 people, each day, in different contexts...

Now, I'm lucky to see 2 room mates in person, and possibly 15 people in zoom meetings. (as an average - some days are worse, some are better)

Add to that: I slashed through my phone contacts and Facebook friends, to try to have more relevant contact possibilities, instead of: "Hi, I'm cold-calling you, because I have your number from an AA meeting that happened 10 years ago" or "your content on Facebook really does sit well with the interests I'd like to follow.

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One solution, which I think many have done:

Dive head first into streaming TV, and binge all sorts of shows that I didn't watch when I was rarely around TV. It could be educational... It could also foster the fake History Channel, or the Soap Opera Queen personality - where I begin to believe that the news and shows portrayed on TV are reflections of mainstream society or possibly just reflections of fringe society.

If my attention is on the shows, then my attention is not as aware of your lack of attention.

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Another solution:

Throw caution to the wind, and get out and about in the pandemic. I wonder if there's an attitude in this one of "We're all going to die anyway, so why prolong it?" or "The facts and figures are being distorted, and corona is not as bad as everyone thinks."

There's also some element of "selectively demasking" - where we build a multi-household group of people who don't wear masks around each other, and yet we assume that everyone is religiously wearing masks around strangers. It is risky, though - because it hinges on everyone being safe, at all times, outside of the trusted group.

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Still, I think there is some loss of connections. A lot of the gathering style socializations cut through the work of keeping up mulitiple text streams and phone calls and social media posts and more. "going to a party is easier than going door-to-door" I imagine that many people, having lost their live gatherings, started friending en masse on social media... that or they already had 1500 friends.

I started seeing phone calls and texts from people I had previously only known through organizations (and I sent some of my own)... In a sense, I think some of us reshuffling our conversation channels - since we can't go meet someone in person, then we'll start up a text exchange, or emails, or even facetime.

I still think that there is more work now to be able to maintain the level and diversity of social contacts that I had before. Is it possible better information is getting conveyed? i don't know.

Yet, I still crave more attention (or just human contact, if I start binging media)