(Note: these are my observations, and not my crisis. I have no intent to carry out a plan, and my first line of help will be to call 512-472-HELP; if my mood begins to really deteriorate.)
(Also, 2nd draft edits are in parentheses)
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My self-worth feels like it's been bombarded into oblivion. (By news, by righteous posts, by deficiencies in my life, by lack of purpose...)
These last few weeks, I've been crawling back into bed in the middle of the day, because I'm scared to face this world. Thoughts of suicide have been coming back into my head; I can recognize 3 different plans that are being entertained, right now. (only inter-mittently) Mostly because they're recycled versions of old plans.
I'm not sure if there's a good, quick and easy way of rebuilding my self-worth. I don't know if some of my old methods would still work in this new world, like volunteering, or self-improvement, or...
This message still haunts me, though: "Take myself out of the equation. I won't have to suffer and they won't have to suffer me."
We may not intend our words to be abusive (to ourselves or others), but they still can be.
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