I'm trying to imagine what it would be like to be more vulnerable. It goes hand in hand with being more trusting and open...
Being willing to pause during an explanation, to let others process the information. What may be a well-rehearsed story or theory for me could easily be novel, unexpected, and difficult to accept for someone else.
Is that just another spontaneous, random hypothesis? Where's the supporting evidence?
To be willing to own my failures and mistakes, and hopefully hear how others believe I can grow from them. To not be afraid of shaming that I see others go through, and that I fear I would have to endure.
Not every experience is a clean-cut, easy-to-understand situation - some times, I just have to stumble through them and hope better insight will develop in the years afterword.zz
Releasing all those expectations that I drag around. At this rate, I probably never will be married and I doubt I will have a good retirement fund - and yet, even those "doom and gloom scenarios" are putting their own expectation spin on the future.
I watched a couple of Brene Brown videos on youtube, as she was recommended by my peer support at The Mood Center. That's what got me thinking about vulnerability.
Do I have to have tight control over my future? Could I ask the ladies I'm crushing on for a date, without over-stepping? Could I put aside the "dating idea" and just make better attempts to develop more significant male and female relationships?
There's a part of me that thinks there's all these noble goals and lofty ideas.... but part of vulnerability is realizing that those may be over-extended or too perfect. It's like starting with house plants and pets before trying to start a family...
I do not like to recount my personal past experiences; yet I suspect that practice makes me appear aloof... distant... secretive.... In my own mind, I also don't look at my past as extraordinary (even if it actually is)
now, i'm kind of tired.
"Facebook is a community scrapbook."
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