29 June 2020

 This split off from a post, elsewhere... I don't want to debate on another person's page.

Here's the origianl question:

- Somebody calls you a "piece of sh**"

- Should you 'unfollow or unfriend them' at the point?

My argument is that you should try to make some effort to understand what provoked the comment in the beginning. Also - is it an isolated incident or is it a pattern of behavior?

Would It be different if they "attacked your person" with some other phrasing?

I know several people who use swear words all through their speech, and I know people who have very demeaning views of those different from themselves? (Like the various examples of racism cited in the Facebook feed over the last few weeks)

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So, here's the question. Does a victim need to engage in conflict resolution, at all? ...or in building awareness in the attacker of their actions?

Or are the various blocking, avoidance, and exclusion tactics EFFECTIVE ways of getting an attacker to change their behavior, or of a victim becoming aware of how they are perceived by others?

I don't know all the theories around defusing bullies or abusers, but I have to wonder if separating yourself from the situation affects the abusers at all. (I'm almost thinking that "having the last word" makes them feel like they are justified, and would increase their future abuses)

It's kind of like, "If you answer dominance with submission, are you doing anything to equalize the relationship?" (or, if you prefer, if you answer aggression with passivity)

If a majority of people exclude aggressors, then maybe they might feel the pains of loneliness and reconsider their behavior. Then again, I could also see them having psychotic breaks and going on shooting sprees (because they feed off of successful dominations)

[ There could be a whole other discussion on retreat and return behaviors, like "the silent treatment" and "on-again, off-again relationships... (like, is every unfriending permanent?} ...but I just want to focus on the idea of excluding people due to their speech or actions ]

Of course, debating on social media is not a great place for the nuances of debate conversations - so, this is me, "thinking aloud"

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