I feel ineffective.
The words typed here dissipate, with no echoing reply. Taking 3 minutes to speak to a room of "casual friends" - nothing gets repeated and I know not, if it even registers.
I do not trust therapists or other health professions - too many times have they seemed too busy... it's like I'm a gateway to their financial gain, and nothing more.
it feels like everyone wants me to be silent and listen, and care not for what I think. (Turn the mirror towards you, Jody - are you indicating, at all, that you mind what they say?)
(...and that post about low-maintenance friends, Tory Hargrove? Essentially, there's a danger in little to no communication, of becoming estranged. Just ask me how I sniped at my brother, a few weeks back. Or... "One of the love languages is regular time together. Do low maintenance friends honor that?")
thinking about innuendo and asides, and that practice of discussing an issue without talking directly with the people involved... not a favorite way of dealing with an issue, as it feels very passive-aggressive. but then i might be guilty of doing this, too....
some times, it feels that my only solace is in tutoring, because, at least there, the students seem to be paying attention.
No, I am not a vibrant ball of energy, so outgoing and charismatic that people want to be entertained by me. just a character actor, always pushed into this role or that, and left to cry crocodile tears that could have been painted on a mime's face.
another day, another rant, another lament?
"If I'm respectful enough to allow you to finish your monologues, then why won't you allow me the space to attempt my replies?" (this has dogged me for over 25 years)
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