25 June 2018

 "Self-reliance was good as far as it went, but it often did not go far enough." (paraphrased from the Big Book of AA)

So, it often seems that I have to do everything, myself; to achieve my goals. It is hard to discern a support system, or a team working on my behalf... especially, as I do favor solitary pursuits.

Yes, part of that is my own fault; because I don't try to insert myself into others' lives, or seek their assistance with my projects.

Honestly, as long as I'm taken care of, I don't mind "being an introvert" or "keeping to myself" or whatever other way you want to label "acting independently". However, if parts of life start sliding out of my control, then I can quickly get wrecked, mentally and emotionally (and then physically)... That could be in finances (most of my adult life), or a romantic flare-up in my heart, or a change of job field, or...

I like to act solo, yet I also enjoy the company of others. With work, though, I would much rather take direction than try to forge my own path. (Remember, that I'm Myers-Briggs' INTP personality type - so I don't try to marshall people, but would rather explore a system of ideas. [tangent? ] )

I guess I just don't want to have to manage every aspect of my life. I can probably excel, quite well, by focusing a couple of areas at a time... but juggling everything, simultaneously, without anyone's assistance can just become so overwhelming and tiring (you know - so many seconds in each day)

LIke the old, "I cook, you clean the dishes" or "I'll earn the paycheck, and let you figure out how to budget it" or maybe taking turns and swapping roles... anything to share the labor among a group, so that we all benefit and gain more free time. This is why I loved co-operative student housing, to a point...

Right now, though, I do not have a clear picture of who I could share my tasks of living with. Sooo... everything ends up on my shoulders, and I collapse under the weight of 1000 straws....

There may be more that I could say or spin off from this, but I'll leave it here, and see what happens. As always, you're free to comment, and the comments will be read - I just guarantee a reply or a sudden change in my lifestyle... but I really do appreciate everyone's comments on my thoughts - even if I may be trying to argue against them (to check their soundness?)