oth in my alcoholic life, and my sober life, I have depended on higher powers than myself.
In my addictions, I structured my life around getting the next drink, or the next cigarette, or (currently) my next cup of caffeine. For example, I planned my life around drinking with friends who drank like I did, spending time at the bar, spending my money on alcohol instead of rent... I tried to make sure I always had cigarettes, even through the first seven years of sobriety. Also, I usually hung out with the smokers after the meetings. These days, I have become fearful of caffeine headaches, and try to make sure I have coffee or tea handy...
With drugs and food, I'm reordering my life, sometimes without thought, in order to make sure they are always easily available. Part of this is because I crave the chemical rush, the quick elation that they provide. When I was drinking or drugging, this elation weakened as my tolerance went up, causing me to seek even more of the same. I did not try to address the underlying issues causing anxiety in my life, though.
With AA and psychotherapy, I am getting some slower relief from the areas of anxiety in my life. However, it took facing some pretty big fears of how people would view me, if I disclosed those areas of anxiety. I am forever thankful that a man asked if he could sponsor me, that he took a time to work with me at my 9 months of sobriety; because he was the St. George who helped slay my fear dragons. (I need to follow his example, I think.)
I do not claim to be working a perfect AA program today, or to still use psychotherapy to good effect. I know that prayer and meditation are proving to be difficult to "see any results". I know that I am slow to make amends, when needed. I suspect that laziness is at work: "What's the least amount of effort that I can get away with, and still have some contentment?" I've seen people meltdown between 6 to 15 years of sobriety because they stopped working the program, or they got away from the group, or "life began happening, again"...
My own experience is that I've spent at least 4 years now, getting more and more involved in the gaming community in South Austin. I like to think of it as a fun hobby to take part in... However, I was spending 4 nights per week, playing games; and that edged out other activities, like AA meetings or live music or the writing group. With the new job, my gaming has been curtailed, and, yes, I think I've gone through a bit of withdrawal...
So, to me, I want to say the higher power is what gives your life meaning and purpose and satisfaction. What makes you want to live today?
Just be careful, though, because chasing that attraction might ripple through your life and disrupt your ability to meet your commitments, too...
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