Do I call?
Do i message?
What's the crisis - why disturb others at this hour?
Because I feel wound up and afraid that I can not sleep?
If I call out to Europe, or Asia, they'd be in their typical waking hours, right? My old room mate is active, right now... "I see the green dot"
Is there anything that needs to be said, or am I just trying to talk through some anxiety? I can always write stuff down in a journal...
I'm in flight mode, I think. I don't want to "process my difficulties".
If I keep spewing out phrases - like a hydra - 3 more pop up in their places. I know I'm a bit worried about some people, but is it really my place to reach out to them? I guess it depends on how much of a role I had in creating my own worries...
feels like a stream of consciousness, with little to no structure. I can hear Mary and Nari both chiding me over how this is turning into a long post. I can hear myself complaining about talking too much, and recalling the complaint that I don't listen.
an attempt to avoid journaling, and yet, then it only becomes a "tip of the iceberg" with a lot of the other worries trying to be hid, to avoid the public eye. you know - what attractions are currently held? what angers, repressed? what difficulties perplex...
and so I try writing, thinking that I'm writing to the crowd. while, within my heart, I hope it might be enough to motivate certain others to reach out (for better or for worse) - just so that the opus of picking up the phone need not fall upon my shoulders, tonight.
" I do not like this pandemic. It chains. It stifles. It strangles. I hope one day that we will share meals together, again..."
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