Currently plagued by this automatic thought refrain:
"The pain is too much. I'm killing myself, tonight."
Why, brain? ...why?
Why do you have to go there?
...and what the fuck is the awful pain that's not showing itself?
That I can't easily fall asleep?
That I'm still behind on my work?
That my life seems void of romance?
...or is it just rough allergies making it tough to breathe easy?
( there are probably a lot more past events linking into those questions )
I can try meditation - just sit in that half-awake trance, hoping to let go of the refrain. I'm currently trying to write it out, because I'm not comfortable with calling friends at this hour. (It it degenerates, a call to the hotline is certainly possible now - trained volunteers, you know?)
Hoping this writing can help me let go of this refrain.
Pretty sure the Facebook bots are going to wake up on this post - "searching for certain phrases"
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