20 Oct 2019

 I wonder about pen names, handles, and other masks.

There are times when we hold the minority opinion, and that, should the people in power attach those ideas to our person... well, it could get uncomfortable, if not dangerous. Yet, the ideas still need a voice, for they may be the better solution to a vexing problem.

Some also ghost write, in order to develop the trade of writing. We do not want some awkward, error-filled piece attached to our body of work, because it would dilute the image that we want to develop. Some would not take on certain points of view, because doing so contradicts much that can be found in the public image we've developed.

...and, on some issues, we stay adamantly silent. We see the harms and shames that befall others, and we dig our heels in, to say that we will keep that secret to avoid the public shamings.

Or..? Perhaps we have become silent, because we realize that we can no longer change a dissenter's opinion. There is no conversation to be had, so there is no gain to be made.

Are we ever fully free of our secrets?

Are we ever completely transparent, as one person in all aspects of our lives?

...yet I still feel damned, in a way. Like, by talking around the issues that I want to talk about - I start accruing rumors and guesses. You know? The gossips will gossip and try to build up their versions of my life. People will try to fill in words and ideas, like some sort of present guessing at Christmas time? At some point, a simple and direct statement could be useful, to try to vanquish the spectral touches that others use to drain my life of value...(?)

then again, privacy has value, too. i suppose the best bet would be to have a tight-knit group, who I could trust completely, and who I could be completely open with.

I suppose it would be nice, if I could simply trust more, and fear less.