maybe it's grief. maybe I think I've lost so many past acquaintances (of various depths of friendship)... that I'm grieving for those lost friends.
There's that flicker of a thought, "Couldn't we have a family holiday dinner again, like we did when everyone lived in D/FW?" ...or... "It would be nice to write 12-page letters back and forth again..." ...or even... "how I miss the communities we built on the 11th floor, and at French House..." I know most of those friends are not dead, but I also know most of us have moved on to different lives. The same could be said of the different AA Home Groups that I've claimed (although their membership can be a lot more chaotic)
There's also this expectation I'm holding that, whatever events pushed those friends out of my life, at least some of the friends would take the time to try to repair the friendship. So, when no one comes trying to apologize, then I question if anything was really there to begin with...
Also, why is it that one bad event or one bad statement should have the power to destroy our relationships, to begin with? Have we forgotten how to build compromise among ourselves? Have we forgotten how to create time in our lives for anyone other than ourselves? (True, I'm the pot here, calling at all kettles...)
My dad would probably chide me for this post, noting how eerily like Trump's 3 a.m. tweets it might appear to be. ...and I would probably be wise to better scrutinize for my part in this "grief".
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