20 July 2018

Like Grizzabella the glamour cat, I stand illumed in a pile of memories, claiming that once I was great...

"I could have been somebody! I could have been a contender!"

...and I kick the can down the street, to tomorrow's generation of STEM hopefuls - these millenials glued to their phones, but never willing to talk.

Wallowing in second place, in so many ways - left to waste away, because only first place gets the rewards in our fine capitalist society! "All Hail, Adam Smith, and his Invisible Hands!"

Even that's probably a muddled up, misshapen set of memories - ah, bipolar brain! how you tangle the thoughts, so...

I reflect on Shoal Creek PICU, in August of '96: "did I bring a catatonic man back to consciousness? did I see false visions of the Messiah, in a hand of solitaire played with my sister's deck of illusions? do I even understand Charles and his cats and his anger? do I even understand my annoying desires to be heard by the outside world?" All that is muddled memories, too.... strange little windows in a set of experiences that are fairly uniquely mine...

but, yet, I want to share them, to try to anchor them in reality or discard them as random, useless facts. that, and three other trips to the insane asylums. I suspect, though, that nobody wants to know, what it's like in there. Nobody wants to see Humpty Dumpty trying to put himself back together, again...

Nobody wants to hear the rantings of the insane... because, honestly? it's so many disconnected facts that can't create a logical story; and much less one with obstacles overcome and morals achieved.

People want white picket fences. People want everyone toeing the line, and everyone cooperating. Granted, not all people want this, but a grand delusion is that we all do (queue Hollywood)...

This will probably become electronic vapors, lost in the maze of the Facebook wall. I could post it, or any number of other posts over to blogger - hoping to preserve it all. Yet, the opinion in my mind is that it doesn't really matter.

Nobody's watching the custodian, because they all came for the comedienne...