4 Oct 2019

 I find myself on the verge of tears. Yet, I do not want to call; because I do not want to disturb another's sleep. Plus, I do not know if a desperate call in the middle of the night would build any solutions in the long-term.

I do not know if a Facebook post, in the middle of the night, is a better alternative. So much of it feels like "reaching for sympathy" (and perhaps that well has run dry, long ago)...

I do not even have a good grasp of the difficulties or the problem.

i feel overwhelmed. I feel lack of supports. I feel poor use of my resources and gifts.

Part of me feels that I should stop typing and stop sharing, from this point forward... that too much has already been gnawed upon, over the last 10 years, and that I need to break that expectation that i'll always share. I guess it's the tactic: "If people do not want me to share, then I must be quiet."

I'm afraid of being in a room with myself.