Having a rough morning, trying to get to sleep...
So, I post on Facebook, instead of reaching out to individuals, because I trust a blanket broadcast more than a one-on-one conversation. (I can see the nay-sayers posting their replies now...) [Are there some sort of pride issues under that, too...?]
Yet, I also hold back on what my mind's telling me to post, because I feel those posts are fueled by anger and frustration; and I suspect they're attempts to take an audience hostage, to try to pull support from others, based in their own fears... but I don't want to get into nitty gritty details of that scenario...
It's the same old refrain - "I feel so alone, such lack of support, such poverty." I don't want to try to predict what you'll say in retort. I would rather see what's said, to see if I can respond.
And yet... I do want to focus:
- I do know there's people out there who enjoy my posts, my company...
- I suspect I'm not the only one who rarely, if ever, gets a personal phone call or visit. Creditors? Yeah, sure! ...but folks would rather text or facebook or email or wait to the next meetup... (than call)
- There's this feeling that everyone has to be self-sufficient, carrying their own weight, supported by their careers...
- ...yet, I see, time and time again, arguments that a person can NOT meet their basic needs on minimum wage jobs
- ...and, unfortunately, most of my jobs have been really close to minimum wage - so, I've had to struggle all of my adult life.
- Now, some would prod me into thinking I'm quite capable of landing a much better career... thus far, my attempts to keep such careers have landed in abyssmal meltdowns ("Thanks, bipolar!")
- I can hear the camp saying, "Debtor's Anonymous"!
- and, I can see my AA sponsor chiding me again for using Facebook to vent... and I'm responding, in my mind, "This is my starting point for those inventories where I'm not concerned about 'the other people' I'm admitting to..."
- I think I'd rather see lots of feedback, than put all of my faith in one person's opinions
- any way, getting tired of bullets. Simply, I'm getting tired of struggling to pay my bills, because my income doesn't seem to cover my expenses. What can I do to keep my head above water, or make it to shore?
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